I think dad needs a new Dr. - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

AnnaKaren · 09-01-2006, 07:04 PM

I finally got hold of my dad's Dr. While waiting about two weeks to reach him, I spoke to the nurse at the facility and the Dr.'s nurse - both told me there were no "release" orders, Dr. office said Dr. knows how much trouble it was to get him in there, don't worry. So I settled down a bit. (This was after dad called me late one evening saying Dr. released him after visiting him).

Tonight I speak with the Dr. and he admitted he told dad that he would have to ask his daughter (ME) if he could leave! I am stunned by this. Just livid and speechless.

Dr. says it's such a sad situation to see dad there as he can walk, dress, etc. True, but his total lack of judgement puts him there! Dr. said if only there were a strong male presence to keep him in line at home. DO YOU BELIEVE IT??? Would my husband be willing? Sure, we will try to stay awake 24 hours a day...quit working...

I told him my husband and I have been through more than enough stress this past year due to dad. Dad needs professionals looking after him. (Gee, do I sound like the Dr. more than the Dr. does?) I reminded him of all the notes I sent to him documenting dad's deterioration, beginning with driving his car into our house, leaving my home at daybreak and walking home 12 miles (how he got home I don't know) without telling me, taking $ back and forth to the bank, some is gone forever, hallucinations, rages, the list goes on.... and I am to take this into my home?

I told the Dr. to not encourage him with talk of leaving and coming to be with me or whatever; I need help in telling him this is your permanent home now. Do you believe the Dr. admitted to me he said ask your daughter? So dad's message to me was not that far off in saying I can come live with you!!!!

I know he will not be released - guess I need a new Dr. This is a man I've known 25 years - he was the family Dr. and is supposedly a geriatric specialist. Must not be the same as a Dr. specializing in Alzheimers. Dad is like a stray bullet if not in a facility - I cannot believe this; toward the end of our talk he said that this is the only solution under the circumstances. Oh, and I shouldn't take him for a visit to my home since he is a great flight risk. But he should live here???

I have drilled into this Dr. that dad keeps waiting to be released by him and he will listen to what the Dr. says. He may not, but he sure does remember this great piece of advice. I do believe I am totally losing my mind over this. Even if the Dr. says this home for you, dad may not remember, but to say this ??? I told the Dr. that I do not need dad placated; I need help keeping myself and my husband sane now. We have spent enough sleepless nights before dad was put in a safe place - I sure don't need more now.

This is my husband's Dr. too - heaven help us. I feel as though I am in a nightmare I still can't wake up from.

Thanks for reading so far - don't even know if I've made sense. I feel like moving to another state.

Anna

Martha H · 09-01-2006, 07:26 PM

Dear Anna,

deeeep breaths now, Ok? relax, and thank God your Dad is in a good home.

Then, ask at the home which doctors routinely come in when a patient needs medical care, and see if you can get one of them to be dad's GP for now. It doesn't have to be a geriatric specialist or even an AD man, as long as he knows dad has AD and is for ever in an institution.

Your husband can continue to get his flu shots or whatever from this man, or he too can decide to change doctors. With all my moving around in the past few years and also being in one HMO in New York and then having free choice of doctors, and now having to have one that accepts Medicare I've been without a family doctor or between doctors, or finally, with a new doctor more or less all the time for over 6 years.

It's OK You still manage to get care if needed. Eventually you will find one. My Mom outlived two of her old family doctors .. one died, one retired. They were 20 or 30 years younger than herself....

That doctor sounds as if he doesn't understand Alzheimers at all. He certainly doesn't understand the toll it has taken on you. A strong male figure around? What about a good strong male nurse? or 3 shifts of them - because even nurses get to sleep, unlike 24 hour AD caregivers. Forget it. (Or, as we said in New York, fugeddaboudit!)

Now drink something warm and comforting and get some sleep, happy that no one will wake you up, sneak out of the house, wreck a car or shoot off a gun while you are in dreamland!

love,

Martha

angel_bear · 09-01-2006, 09:49 PM

I found MAJOR FRUSTRATION with our family doctor .. he knew our family so well, and for so long .. that he was as much in denial as the rest of the family ...

Very frustrating when I'm saying but This and This and That are happening and he's going Oh I don't think so ..

What the ?????

It wasn't until I wrote him a 4 page letter of dates, episodes and details that he finally, FINALLY said "Yes, well, of course, she's got dementia"

ALLELUJAH !!!!! Hang on a tick .. what do you mean of course? I've been saying it for MONTHS AND MONTHS and you've been fobbing me off .......

Don't get me wrong, I love that doctor .. he was great .. but not when it came to our specific situation ......... then he finally went out of his way to empower me in placing my ex-charges .. although he wouldn't help in stopping the AD MIL in driving ...

Yeah .. Frustrations ... yeah .. I know ALL about THAT too ...... they really have NO IDEA unless they walk in our shoes y'know? (Of course you know .. that's why we're all here)

Anyway, I'm rambling ... but just letting you know I know you know how we know we all feel ...

I need sleep ............ LOL

LuvMyLilDoggie · 09-02-2006, 01:17 PM

Quote:

but just letting you know I know you know how we know we all feel ...

??? Oh, I get it....

Try saying THAT 10x fast!!! LOL I had to slow down just to read it! You MUST have been tired Angelbear! LOL!!!

AnnaKaren, Boy do I understand your frustration! Makes you want to speed slap the doctor till he "gets it".

A strong male figure? Is that what it takes to reverse dementia? He better get on the phone with that one! We've been waiting for a cure since dementia was discovered and long before. And to think all it takes is a STRONG MALE FIGURE! Move over Einstein....

Sorry but I've had bad experiences with doctors who think they know a little of everything but don't know a lot about anything.

Anyway, I hope I made you laugh a little.

Love, Barb

cyt · 09-02-2006, 05:27 PM

Yes, and when I took my FIL, who has dementia to the max, and I gave the Doctor a long list of the problems, we get in there and my FIL tell Doctor, they tell me I'm having some memory problems and the Doctor said, well, even I have memory problems at times too, and that was that! I could have slapped him! I had to press him to get us into a neurologist, where they found mini strokes. These doctors sure are frustrating!