I just flew out to visit my family. My Dad is 64. He is losing his memory (but that has been going on for years; maybe decades.) Alzheimers does run in our family. He had open heart about 2 1/2 yrs ago. He goes in for blood work only, but never sees a doctor. He will not see a Neuro doctor either for his memory.
He has been getting worse this past year after my grandmother past in July of 2005.
He has been getting worse each month. I have noticed being 3000 miles away. Being there and speaking with my step mom - I think we are going to have to make decisions fairly quickly.
He is inappropriate with everyone. He tells my husband to get busy on giving him another grandchild (this is the non graphic version).
My step sisters have notice him saying similar sexual things with there friends. None of which is perverse but inappropriate for whom he is speaking with. Atleast in my opinion. My Dad would never talk like this years ago, so this is a personality change.
My Dad is a former school teacher. However one of his former students (she is poor and from poor family in a really bad part of town) somehow manipulated my dad into co-signing a loan for her. This is not like him since he always was very careful of ruining his credit. When my step mom found out they had a huge fight. My Dad is a very giving person to anyone that asks, but he gets taken advantage of with people that see this and see $$$.
Next he loans one of his three cars to yet another former student (poor, from poor illegals, and pregnant...from her poor boyfriend) So he loan her his car after a sob story. My Dad has been hearing these same stories for 35 yrs and never loaned money, cars, or cosigned for cars. He would have gotten them to social services and gotten them some help, but not from his own.
On my birthday he called me and said Happy Birthday but I am still mad at you; drudged up all the stuff that went on for yrs and yrs. He is very controlling and abusive, but only remembers what i did after these situations. This call was because I was doing a loan for my sister (for free) for her purchase of a new home. My dad needed to sign a gift letter for giving her the downpmt. He refused til I said either signed and my sister gets the loan or don't and she will need to get a loan elsewhere and they will still need the gift letter. Anyway 2 weeks later he called like nothing happened. My step mom didn't even know he did that til last week when I filled her in. Blah-blah
He is driving like a 16 yr old- He bumped a car while dropping my husband and I off at the airport. He is driving like a teenager that is invincible.
He called me 2 x in a matter of 5 min. to give me directions to a place I have been going since I was a kid. He apparently does this with my sister and step mom. He gets conversations mixed up and doesn't relay them back correctly - and then completely forgets and takes a nap at times.
Any suggestions, ideas, or help on what I need to do to get him to a doctor and stop him from self destructing and being a statistic of elderly that gets taken for all that have.
Re: Need Advice on my father-refuses to see a doctor
Hi Lisa,
I am sorry to hear about your dad and your family situation. Does your dad or anyone have a POA on him??? He needs one, but sounds like he would not get one, like my parents. It took us 1 yr. to talk them into 1 and that still did not work out right!
The open heart surgery and the grandma dying are two things (stress) that make AD worse and faster. I hope that some one is telling him to quit and that is not right to speak that way to anyone...
I am also worried about my dad giving money to people or even 1 person. We are lucky in that all our family are honest and would not get money from the grandpa from pulling the sympathy deal.
We (my mom and dad) at least have their money (most of it) have most of their money in 2 accounts. That way he could not give it all away!!! :>
I would love to totally take over their finances, but will have to settle right now for being on 2 check books and being "allowed" to write checks and balance their check books. They take their checks to the bank because they love to go thru their mail and go to the bank and get free coffee at the grocery store (bank)!!!!!
The giving directions to places that we have driven many times - I think that is just an old persons thing... Even my mom does it, plus a lot of people just like to go to the same place, in different ways...
Yall do need to get him to a dr. Even if it is just a family dr. Just make sure, ahead of the appt., to ask the dr. to do a MMSE. Perhaps you could get the nurse or receptionist to call the house and tell him when his appt. is - like he forgot about it???
And you need to do the thing, where you get the drivers licence bureau to take away his licence, if that is possible.
Well I do hope that you can get some of this to happen. Even a little at a time, will help.
Re: Need Advice on my father-refuses to see a doctor
Dear Lisa,
It is so hard when you are an airplane trip away.
Somebody nearby has to take control of the situation. ALL Dementia patients fear the diagnosis, understandably, and try to put off that doctor's check up as long as possible. When they get to the doctor, they are on their best behavior and have even reheared in their minds what they will say.
When My Mom was well into Alzheimers, she still fooled the doctor by making intelligent comments. Although she was not sure what month or year it was, she would say something like "This wallapaer is a perfect match to the rug! You have such excellent taste!" Is this doc going to put her down as Demented?
I finally mde a list. Took it along to her next doctors' appt. (it was for a flu shot - surely you can get your dad there under that pretext!) and I had written:
-goes for a walk and cannot find her way home
-forgets to wash herself
-soils herself
-asks the same question 10 or 20 times
-does not recognize people she has known for years
-asks me what I am doing in her house, after I have been living there for years
-is not aware of things happening in the world in spite of watching the news daily
-does not remember to take her pills
Well, after that he tried her on Aricept,which did not work ...
Re: Need Advice on my father-refuses to see a doctor
You've got to do something about his driving...
With my dad, first it was the bumping cars and other things, then side swiping guard rails, then tearing up the front end and undercarriage of his car by running off the highway at 80 mph (or more) and almost hitting another car head on. I don't mean to scare you, just to let you know that by the grace of God, dad didn't kill or injure anyone. But he could have....
My dad was stubborn about doctors too. I found that the only way I could get my dad to go to the doctor was to make the appt myself and then tell him that if he didn't go, I would call 911 and have him put in the hospital to get the tests done. He said he'd walk out. I told him that once they saw how he was acting, they would restrain him. I know it was extremely harsh and it definitely sent me on a guilt trip like I'd never been on to talk to my dad like that. But you know what? It worked. About 10 or 15 minutes after storming into his bedroom and slamming the door and threatening me, he came out and asked me if the shirt he changed into went with the pants he was wearing. I asked him why he asked that. He said "Aren't we going to the doctor?"
Now I'm not reccomending you do what I did but sometimes it takes tough love to get things done. It was the hardest thing I'd ever done to treat my dad like that. But I never had anymore problems getting him to the doctor.
I love the name of your town!
Love, Barb
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Last edited by LuvMyLilDoggie; 09-05-2006 at 04:35 PM.
Re: Need Advice on my father-refuses to see a doctor
HI Wannabe,
I wish I or my Step mom could get a POA. My Dad is not going to relinquish anything without a fight. It's nice to have others to confirm your situation and not feel like I am just over reacting.
I will have to speak with my S-mom to see how we can get him to the DRS.
Hi Martha,
That is a great idea to get to the drs with a list. If my S-mom can't get him - he is flying out to stay with me and my husband for 2 weeks. I will pay for him to see a Dr out of pocket.
Hi Barb,
Your are right on about the driving. I am so worried about him hurting others. We are going to have to do something. My Dad hold grudges for days and even weeks til he forgets about it. I wish he would get out of his mad in 10-15 min. I think that getting him in for a flu shot would be a great idea to get him seen.
Thank you all for the wonderful ideas to start with. I will keep you all posted as things progress.
I am so glad that you all are very sharing. Thank you.
Love,
Lisa
FYI -I like the name too. Weeki Wachee is the home of the infamous mermaid shows. If any of you caught Simple Life - Paris and Nicole worked as mermaids for a day.
Need Advice on my father-refuses to see a doctor 
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