My name is Jo,I am 42, my mum is 69years old >Her name is Jeanette
I am a remote carer 20 minutes away. Mum fairly young for her AD
I must say that reading your posts has at the same time scared me but enlightened me. My circumstances are as follows_ dad died from brain tumour (suddenly) 4 years ago ensuing family talk encompassed the possibility of AD for my mum as she could not cope..my brother lives out the back from my mum in an attached unit. Approx 2 years ago we had the situation where paramedics and police were bringing mum home from the shops 1 km away: ...she lost her car at the shops...I took her for a test drive and TOLD her she musnt drive anymore.Upon arriving home ,I received about 25 voicemails from my very distaught mother. I Relinquished her licence and took the car away. Nuerologist then prescribed aricept approx 2 years ago. Since then:mum cannot do the following,shop,cook,manage finances,and has now lost the ability to clean her house (ant infestations in the kitchen) uh oh!,cannot do her laundry, make a shopping list,have a shower, personal grooming do gardening,etc etc
now degenerating to cups of tea in the freezer, perishables in the crockery cupboard, icecream in the fridge, piles of newspapers in the house and a partridge in a peartree -thats not how you spell it!
(I know that she has forgotten how or why to get rid of the rubbish..how or why to clean...how or why to change clothes) and alarmingly now wears the same clothes every day and was last seen with her shirt over the top of her jumper and no knickers!~! but pants on
I enlisted an ACAT visit(angel bear knows all about them)
and we have the following:
dementia day care : mon tues & thurs 10.00 am to 2.30 pm
meals on wheels Wed & friday ...She keeps puttng the delivered hot meals in the
freezer (thats where they go RIGHT?)
personal care shortly -occupational therapist recommended shower rails etc, once done next week, personal care will commence
My support - (I work 4 days a week - married with children) pick mum up sat morning - return sunday arvo - do shopping, showering etc etc
the australian government is committed to funding support at home to keep our loved ones from going to NH because it`s less expensive
She is pliant and non aggressive,sporadically affectionate, continent, only one hallucination,
no sundowning
We have had about 5 MMse? (wrong term?) prognosis awful
The reason I am posting is because I am obviously going to move my dear mum within the next couple of years....you wonderful people are in the throes or have already dealt with this... I am scared of what the future holds (with good reason)
I have decided that the following will force a move to the NH....sundowning, wandering, incontinence..but MAYBE I will delay.... defer.... deny, then I hope you all will tell me like you told angel ....
lets hope I will listen
MY very kindest regards,
Jo
I'm so sorry you are going through all that with your VERY young mother.
But please don't worry - things will turn out all right in the end. You are already doing what you can, and as it gets worse a good nursing home will be a fine answer - she will be happy there, safe, clean, fed, given any meds she may need, and entertained. My Mom has been in a NH about a year and is happy there to our surprise.
You are dong a great job, and remember, no guilt - - - what we do is for the patient's sake.
I'm sorry about your Mum .. it's so hard when they are young .. it's hard when they're old !! It's just plain ol' hard !!
I see you've been reading our posts .. that must've been an eye opener for you .. sorry
Quote:
I have decided that the following will force a move to the NH....sundowning, wandering, incontinence..but MAYBE I will delay.... defer.... deny, then I hope you all will tell me like you told angel ....
Well, it took a crisis for me to make things happen, so I hope you don't wait until there is a crisis .. at least your looking into using the resources available AND using them .. something I had difficulty with because my ex-charge wouldn't accept strangers (Meals on Wheels, home aides etc) so it wasn't a matter of me delaying anything, it was the trouble with acceptance.
Sundowning is different for each person, and it's not necessarily in the afternoon either .. just be aware of changes of personality, obsessive behaviour and anything REALLY odd (oh, check for full moon's too .. and high winds). Wandering isn't always part and parcel .. some AD charges forget how to walk all too quickly and are happy to just sit (but that's not very healthy either) .. incontinence .. well that begins with damp undies, faecal smears (skid marks) but if you keep on top of a toileting program for her, you can avoid too many accidents.
I hope she doesn't become combative for you .. things are so much easier when they don't FIGHT your assistance .. !!
Stay here ... ask questions ... research and learn .. that's what we're here for !!
Angel bear, I didnt mean to infer that you wouldnt listen, I meant that I probably wouldnt listen! I know what your circumstances were and I know what your situation was....I read most of your posts from 2004 onwards, (it should have been a book!) mostly because you are Australian but I got hooked reading your "funny stories" about the telemarketer..... I just loved that one!
I have the power and the choice but as Mum is so young during the ACAT assessment when we discussed future planning Mum said once again "i dont want to go into a NH" well ...who does!!??
this is my dilemna...Mum is pliant, does what ever I tell her to do,but no longer able to function. I cant give up my job due to finances but in the ideal world I would and she could live with me. She cannot be left alone, due to safety concerns. My brother lives on the same property as her in a unit out the back but he draws the line at personal care etc and I cannot expect him to...so who helps her when she cant get dressed or put her nighty on? He is also not the ideal carer.
Mum came to stay overnight this weekend
DH (making conversation over dinner) so how is the meals on wheels going?
Mum.....what?
DH "how is the meals on wheels?"
Mum- thats for old people! I dont have meals on wheels!
Perplexed DH....looks at me....I make faces and say "where did you get that idea from...Mum doesnt have meals on wheels...you silly thing!"
DH later....who does she think those people are that bring her lunch twice a week?
me "shrug" who knows?
Sun morning: Mum emerges from the spare room dressed! Its a miracle! she has never done that at my house before... but hang on a minute, somethings missing...oh that would be her pants
DH has one look and says "Oh you are awake I will just get Jo"
DH runs and hides
as angel bear would say ...uh oh!
oh yes angel bear your posts were wonderful,sharing your experience for others that may go down the same path, they made me realise how far we can go before I do what needs to be done.....your posts have saved me, its SO reassuring to know that when you say "mum has alzheimers" there are people that UNDERSTAND...and dont just fob it off with the phrase "oh, dont worry,we all get a bit hazy with our memory as we get older, It wont kill her" Quote from my MIL...me gobsmacked! Wanting to shake her and make her understand (but still love her )
hi all you wonderful ladies 
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