I'm thinking back to the early '80's when my grandma was placed in a nursing home. She too had some sort of dementia, most likely AD.
My aunt was grandma's daughter. But grandma remembered my aunt's husband long after she forgot all her children and grandchildren. So when my uncle came with my aunt to visit grandma, my grandma would be good as gold. Then when they left, she'd get angry and carry on about how L took off with "that woman" (her daughter) when he knew that she wanted to go too. Grandma would give the staff a run for their money and would hide her things in other people's rooms and accuse people of stealing things. She was also one who tried many times to escape.
My aunt and uncle were asked to limit their visits to once a week (grandma was in another state than we were so our visits were sporatic). Grandma did settle down much more and and lived the rest of her life in that nursing home. She never had to go to a lockdown unit (this was the last resort if aunt and uncle not visiting often didn't work).
I'm glad that you're willing to give this a chance. Remember that you're doing this to HELP your mom. As hard as this is for you, remember and keep telling yourself "It'll be better for mom and all I want is what's best for her." Sure you'll cry and feel depressed about it. You feel like you're losing your mom and now you may be feeling like you're abandoning her. But Jess, it's important for you to know that you are NOT abandoning her. You're allowing her the time she needs to get as accustomed to her surroundings as she can. You're doing the toughest thing you've probably ever had to do. But you're doing it FOR HER. I have no doubt you'll have that bedroom painted in no time flat and you'll do a wonderful job. Yes, keeping busy will help to pass the time and help to keep your mind off things some.
And think of your time away from mom in smaller increments. Four days is obviously overwhelming for you. One day at a time. You can do one day. Don't think any farther ahead than that where your time away from mom is concerned. Then when the next day comes, it's one more day. It sounds stupid but that's gotten me through serious medical problems, marital problems and the death of my mom (heart attack, age 67-I had just turned 31 4 days before). It also got me through the deaths of two of my brothers, one age 45, hit by a car and the other age 53 of cancer. The one with cancer died 2 weeks before Sept 11th, 2001. That was a particularly difficult time for me. Try it, Jess. It does help. I promise. Guaranteed---double the refund....
Love, Barb
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