need some advise here too PLEASE!! - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

brokenspirit · 09-13-2006, 07:46 PM

hi , I am a cargiver of an 86 soon to be 87 year young lady with alzheimer's. I have been caring for her in her home for 3 years now. she is bedfast and I have watched her go downhill so quickly . over the past 3 months she has lost so much weight. She looks like skin and bones. anyway. she has been crying and I mean crying so hard that she turns the brightest shade of red I have ever seen. I know this is not good for her, but nothing that we do seems to relieve the crying. she cries 24 hours a day for about 3 or 4 days then she basicly collapses into a sleep for about 5 hours and then here goes the crying again.
Her daughter went to her dr. and she put her on adavan now she starts tomorrow, but what worries me is she wants her to keep taking the xanax's too. Isn't that too much? She is on a blood pressure med, xanax, advandia, and paxil and tomorrow adavan along with it. You have to give her meds in cottage cheese or she spits them out. she eats great but is stil losing weight.
I have taken care of elderly people since I was 18, I am now 38. Never have I taken care of anyone with alzheimers before. what can I expect to happen. I know she is really going down hill fast. Alot of times she is very agressive. when she is like that we try to stay out of arms reach. I need some advise here please. I want to help her but I don't know how. she breaks my heart!

angel_bear · 09-14-2006, 06:43 AM

HI there !! Glad you found us.

First of all, if you go to the 'sticky's at the top of the Alzheimers/Dementia board, you will find the different levels of dementia which will help you in so much as knowing what to expect.

Secondly, I suggest you read, read, read and then read some more .. read our posts, go to the library and do some research .. and best of all, follow your gut instincts.

Primarly, you need to learn how YOU need to behave rather than the other way around .. it's a topsy turvy disease that never makes any sense and to try and make sense of it will only make you ill. We've all learnt some hard and fast rules quickly:

Never argue. It's not going to work .. not now, not ever, not never. You have to go along with them and try and manipulate the situation to your advantage without telling them they're wrong ... not easy !!!!

The pills she are on are antidepressants, beta blockers and lots of other bits and pieces. You may need to ask for a medication review as some can react with others (depending on levels) .. it's too easy to keep giving pills to fix a problem, as long as they don't make more problems !!!

How is her speech? Can she talk? Is there much understanding on her part? If you can explain all your actions, would she be calmer? eg: I'm just pulling your jacket off so we can get you dressed in your nightie .... of course, it depends on her cognition, but a lady I know will fight you, bite you, scratch you and kick if she isn't told EXACTLY what is going on with her .. once you explain, she's like a kitten.

Of course, you get people like my ex-charge who truly believe there is absolutely nothing wrong with them, thank you very much, and who do you think you are ???? Well, ain't nothing gonna work with them !!! LOL

I've snuck medications into chocolate cream biscuits (Oreo's etc), yoghurt, corn flakes and soup .. it doesn't matter how .. as long as it happens !!!

Try getting her on some power shakes ... Sustagen, Pro Forma .. all these supplements work well as drinks, but also sprinkled on porridge, in soups, on mashed potato .. try it all !!

I hope we can help you along in your journey with Alzheimers .. it will NOT be easy .. it's one of the most challenging jobs ever .. but you WILL cope and you WILL succeed with the right support ..

Big hugs ...

brokenspirit · 09-14-2006, 08:40 PM

her speach is just a bunch of slured words and some growelings every now and then she will utter out a word that you can understand. like yelp, or mommy, daddy, garfield, thelma . but other than that, not a whole lot. she eats very well, her dr. said that there really isn't anything else that can be done. It just makes me mad!
1 year ago she was walking and talking just forgot a alot of things. This was last august in 05, by nov. of 05 she was in the bed she had forgotten how to walk. Today when I went to her house, she had doubled over into fetal pos. yesterday all it was , was her head had drawn to the right side.

you know I believe this deasiese has got the be the worst, of all of them out there. This woman has been the majority of my life for the past 3 years and it kills me to see this happening to her.

Oh I know about the argueing with them you can't win. they are always right . that is the way she was about a month ago.

one thing she was calmer today she rested very well today. ate real good.
still having trouble with her bowel and now her kidney's . she didn't make water all day today. I thought she was wet and changed her diaper and nothing. that was in 8 hours. I checked her several times, not once did she go. that is not normal expecially with a diabetic. glucose level was great though. well I had better go 4:30 comes early here. and it is almost 11:00 now. thanks for the reply.

Martha H · 09-15-2006, 04:11 AM

Dear Broken Spirit,

From what you write, your charge is in the last stages. She might need to be in hospice. It sounds to me like the end is near. Ask her doctor. You have been a good and faithful vcaregiver, and I know you are grieving over this, but you did your best. I hope you find the strength to accept what is now happening.

Love,

Martha

brokenspirit · 09-15-2006, 05:04 AM

we know that she is in the last stages. that is why her dr. said there is nothing else that she can do. the thing about hospice is she won't call them in Or her daughter won't accept that she needs them. It is just so sad.
when I turn her over to change her diaper or to put her on her side her pelvic bone looks like it is about to come out her skin, one thing about it though she has never had a bed sore or a pressure point at all. when you move her you can hear her bones pop and crack I am afraid that I am going to break something. I can see that the end is getting close and so can 1 of the other caregivers but the one that stays at night with her and her daughter don't seem to want to accept it. the one at night will call me during the day to check on her and I have tried to talk to her but she just acts like it is nothing and that she is just having a bad day. I know everyday can't be a bad day, it seems like all she is worried about is if she is going to sleep that night so she can sleep also. well everyday I stay and listen to her cry day in and day out, and all I can worry about is if she will make it through that day or make it through that night. I wait for the phone to ring and when it does I worry if it is them calling to say she is gone. I know that it's coming I just hate to see it. I have gotten so attatched to her she has been the majority of my life for the past 3 years. I spend more time with her than I do with my husband and my children. Now to top everything off they think my hubby has MS. My dr. put me on insulin and I have been on my monthly for the past 17 days and still going strong. must be the change setting in Im 38 almost 39 now. Or could be all the stress too. thanks for your reply