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Old 10-12-2006, 04:21 AM   #1
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hi need a little info please.

hi I listed on here before as broken spirit but lost my password and changed internet providers went to dsl . so had to change everything. anyway. the Lady that I stay with yesterday was running a fever of 100.5 under arm reading I know you are suppose to add 1 degree for under arm so her temp was 101.5. I called her daughter and told her. I got so mad when she came yesterday evening all she did was feel of her head and said she's not hot. I know what the themometer said and I even told her that I would take it again and she said thats alright. It made me feel like she thought I was lying to her. anyway all she did was lay there with eyes wide open and mouth wide open sounding like she was snoring with her eyes open. anyone have any idea what is going on? I am about ready to call the health department on her . It just makes me so mad. I feel like she doesn't even care. She wouldn't respond to anything. it was like she was slipping into a coma to me. the only thing is she was still blinking her eyes. when she does eat it is like she gets choaked on eveything even water, she does not chew her food she tries to swollow it whole, she can't eat meat and yet her daughter still insists that we fix her meat. she cant chew it or swollow it. she thinks that she can still eat what she use to and I know that she can't. and it honestly makes me so mad. she doesn't buy anythng but meat potatoes greenbeans corn you know stuff like that nothing soft that she can eat. like soup I know that I can make mashed potatoes and she does wonderful sometimes on them. but what can I do. when you feed her she will hold the food in her mouth for hours and you can not get her to swollow it. and you leave meat in there and you are talking about food poisoning. salmonelia, ecoli, everything like that. plus her bowels still are having trouble. her dr. gave her some stool softner lax mix and she doesnt want to give them to her . her bowel had started to move a little everyday after not moving for over 2 weeks and she got afraid that she would get the diarreah. I mean so what she needs to be cleaned out. I think I will use a supository on her this morning. and see if I can't get them to move. poor old thing strained for over an hour the other day and got out something about the size of a raisin. that is not enough. they have not moved since sunday again.no take that back it was monday she had the one the size of a raisin. sorry for the long post I just needed to vent here I just get so angry and upset over this. and my hands are tied .it just makes me so daggone mad!!!

 
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Old 10-12-2006, 05:33 AM   #2
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Re: hi need a little info please.

Ok ... wow .. yeah .. what a horrid situation to be in.

I read your post and my immediate thought was "This is Elder abuse" and the next thing I thought of was "and your going to be in that as well"

REPORT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This daughter has NO IDEA what needs to be done .. her food MUST be pureed, her fluids thickened ... she needs physio to keep her muscles from atrophying (stiffening,shortening) she needs some major work done .. if NONE of this is done on this poor lady, then yes, it is elder abuse.

And I don't want to see you dragged down with this daughter. Act NOW .. !!

 
Old 10-12-2006, 05:41 AM   #3
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Re: hi need a little info please.

{I wrote this reply before reading Sally's answer above ..yes, I agree with her.}

Dear Caregiver,

People in the late stages of AD forget how to swallow. My Mom has had trouble swallowing for a year already. The nursing home has all her food pureed. So she gets an ice cream scoop sized lump of mashed chicken, a lump of mashed vegetable, mashed potato, thickened coffee the consistency of half set jello, thickened milk, thickened juice and a thick shake of something like a nutritional supplement.

Mom eats only 1/10 of what is on the tray, and drinks one swallow of each 'drink". I am amazed they are keeping her alive on so little food and so little liquids.

Your patient seems to have lost her swallowing reflex also. It is dangerous to hold unchewed or chewed food in her mouth for so long - she could inhale it into her lungs and die of a blockage, or get pneumonia from bits of food decaying in her respirartory system.

I don't know what you could do to help her at this point, since she has a daughter, a doctor etc--- and they all seem to think all she needs is food placed in front of her whether she can eat it or not. If you have the time and patience maybe you could mash it. Make baby food out of it .. is there a blender in the house? Then feed her half a teaspoon full at a time, and wait until it is swallowed. It is really hard to swallow lying down, so try propping her up as high as possible.

On the other hand you might also think, well, food is not important at this stage, she is on her way out anyhow. But keeping her hydrated is important .. could you manage to thicken her drinks? Maybe then she can swallow them? At the NH they use some kind of powder which they add to the drink. Maybe you can find out what it is and ask the daughter to buy it?

Sorry you seem to be the only person who really cares about that lady. I hope if I ever get that old and that sick, that God sends me an angel like you .

love,

Martha

Last edited by Martha H; 10-12-2006 at 05:44 AM.

 
Old 10-12-2006, 03:25 PM   #4
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Re: hi need a little info please.

I agree wholeheartedly. Call your local health department report this to them. This is elder abuse and Sally's right. You don't want to be implicated in it. God forbid if this poor sweet old lady passes on because she choked on food or her problem with bowel movement got even worse. It would be more easy for her daughter to say "She didn't tell me" than it would be for you to explain that you did. And believe me if push comes to shove, she'll try her best to send you up the river if it meant saving her own @$$.

You HAVE TO think of yourself as well as this sweet old lady. Things will only get worse if you don't report it. How much misery must this woman endure before her daughter gives a $***?

Please, for that lady and for your own sake and that of your own family's (how devistated would they be if you were caught up in this?), REPORT THIS!

Love, Barb
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Old 10-16-2006, 05:30 AM   #5
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Re: hi need a little info please.

well her bowels finally moved and that is wonderful!!! she is doing a little better . Her daughter forgot to put her pills in her daily meds which is understandable in her situation. she has been to dr trying to get something for the bed sore they just say put balmex on it. she is rotated every hour it is just where she is so boney. her hip bones and spine look like they are about to pop through the skin. her skin has gotten so thin and tears so easy. I just get upset , I want to help her but there really isn't anything I can do just make her comfortable. I know that the end is getting close I can see it everyday. something new she has a smell that just won't leave even after you bath her you can still smell it. it is so strange and I cannot describe the smell. oh another thing just found out she has cancer too. and diabetes which i knew about the diabetes. that is prob. why her bowels dont want to move. so she is just really existing right now. I know this might sound terrible but she would be so much better off if the Lord would just take her on. I hate this. this is the most horriable illness I have ever had to deal with. It robs you of everything. if the Lord would take her at least she wouldnt have to suffer anymore. oh well I just wish there was more that I could do.

 
Old 10-16-2006, 07:16 AM   #6
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Re: hi need a little info please.

it is odd that you mention the smell. Years ago I read a biography of Lauren Bacall and she mentioned the smell she noticed as Bogart was dying from cancer. Strange what things stick in your mind.

Jane

 
Old 10-16-2006, 09:01 AM   #7
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Re: hi need a little info please.

As for God taking these dear ones home, we have no choice but to wait until it is the right time. I often feel the same way about my Mom. But as my brother says,

Everything will work out in the end.

If things don't seem to be working out, it's not the end yet.

love,

Martha

 
Old 10-16-2006, 09:07 AM   #8
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Re: hi need a little info please.

Wow, I wouldn't want to be in your shoes! That daughter should get a clue. Anyway, I just wanted to suggest Ensure. Both my husband and mother drink it as they are both underweight. I buy the Ensure Plus. That costs a little bit more but I feel it is worth it. It is full of nutrients and easy to drink.

Good Luck!
Jan

 
Old 10-16-2006, 01:27 PM   #9
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Re: hi need a little info please.

It sounds as tho the Lord will take her soon. She may be praying for that end herself. Just be of comfort to her and God will intervene when it is her time. Pray yourself that she is free of pain and some day or night she will just close her eyes and she will be free of all of her suffering. God bless you for being so caring and considerate to her in her last days. We all hope for caregivers for our loved ones as kind and considerate as you are.

Arline

 
Old 10-17-2006, 03:39 AM   #10
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Re: hi need a little info please.

yesterday when I went to her home things were so much different with her. I know that she is losing her ability to swollow now. I made her homemade potatoe soup and it was thick and she is getting choaked and strangled on every bite. no matter what you feed her. I always have her top elevated but she still getting choaked. I know that there is nothing I can do but wait and it is so hard watching someone die everyday. I really stand up and take my hat off to everyone on this board. you all deserve the best in the world for all that you have to go through. I know that she won't go until the good Lord takes her. It just breaks my heart seeing her like this. she was a very proud person. very personal and it kills her for you to have to change her diaper when she messes. but you cant leave it on her. use to she would get so mad and try to knock you brains out . not anymore she normally just lays there. and stares at the ceiling with her mouth wide open. it is just so sad.

 
Old 10-17-2006, 09:07 AM   #11
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Re: hi need a little info please.

In 1999, my grandma (dad's mom) had an abdominal aneurism. She was given the choice whether she wanted surgery or not. She said that she was 93 and had lived a good life but now it was her time to go. We all respected her decision. In the hours to come, she was faced with the most horrific pain I had ever seen anyone endure. At her worst, I thought the time had come to tell her that I loved her so I did. She screamed amongst her cries of pain "If you loved me, you'd KILL ME!!!!"

She lasted I think almost 24 hours from beginning to end.

Now my grandma NEVER went to the doctor. She had 6 children at home with not even an asperin to help for pain. She was a stubborn Bohemian woman and never EVER complained with pain. She did have surgery once for a 37 pound hernia. No lie. 37 pounds! She was about 75 years old then. And she never complained with pain. So for her to be crying out in pain, she had to be enduring the most horrific pain anyone couldn't even imagine.

When I walked out of her hospital room that night, I said to my dad "We wouldn't make a DOG suffer like this! If we did, we would be called inhumane. Now I understand why Dr. Kevorkian helped people with assisted suicide. They know that grandma is going to die tonight. Why can't they help her go? She wants to go. But why make her suffer?"

I believe that God will take us when he's ready for us. But in my grandma's case, it was 100% certain that she was going to die that night. I'll never understand why the laws can't be changed so that anyone who is going to die very soon can be helped to pass on if that's their wish.

That's just my opinion and I respect others who might not agree. But if you would have seen my grandma that night, you might feel as I do.

Love, Barb
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Last edited by LuvMyLilDoggie; 10-17-2006 at 09:11 AM.

 
Old 10-25-2006, 04:53 AM   #12
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Re: hi need a little info please.

is there anything that will stop the crying? all she does is cry 24/7. I know this is not good on her blood pressure. she does not reason at all. she takes 3 valume and 2 adavan , prozac and then a blood pressure pill and her advandia for her diabetes . please we need some help here. she turns BLOOD red all over and it is causing her blood pressure to shoot through the roof.

 
Old 10-25-2006, 04:59 AM   #13
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Re: hi need a little info please.

Can you reach her daughter at any time? If so, call and say I am calling 911, your Mother is having an emergency, and then do it.

if you can't reach her, just call 911.

I think it's time for an authority with more power than you to get on this daughter's case, and tell her what her Mom needs. From the hospital they will probably place her in hospice, where she will have the best care in the world. The hospice philopsophy is to make the patient comfortable at all times, using more meds than you can do at home, but monitoring her condition - not so many that they damage her. Hospice is a wonderful thing. (you sound like a prson who would like to work there!) I know a woman who works at one of them as an art therapist. Imagine, painting pictures when you are virtually on your death bed. That's what hospice does - they offer a life worth living up until the last minute.

love,

Martha

 
Old 10-27-2006, 03:48 AM   #14
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Re: hi need a little info please.

yes her daughter is just 3 min. away from her moms. I know that she is really doing all that she can. Her dr. said all we can do is make her comfortable, but we don't know how to do that . she cant tell us what is wrong, we have tried to see if she is hurting and she says no. we are actually at our wits end. It is like a child having a temper tantrum but there is no stop to it. She wants to go to work we know that but she cant understand that she is not able to go. she has not walked in over a year and her muscles are so ridged and stiff. yes her Dr. knows all of this and says that she is in the final stages. hospise said that as long as she can still talk some that they could not take her as a patient. I don't understand that. I thought that if you were terminally ill then that is when they step in. oh well. when we change her diaper she tries to knock our brains out and one time she yelled rape. It really bothers me, I wouldn't hurt her for anything in the world. I know she doesnt understand but I would love to be able to reach her some how into her mind , but I know that I can't.

 
Old 11-04-2006, 05:23 AM   #15
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Re: hi need a little info please.

Hospice, hospice, hospice...She definitely needs more now than you or the daughter can provide. If her daughter is not willing to request it, you need to do something. I am assuming you are a paid caregiver. If that is true, this needs to be reported to your agency who will contact the doctor who can reinforce the need for hospice. The next time anything occurs, such as the choking, I also would tell the daughter I am calling 911. This poor lady needs much more that you can now provide. And although her daughter may think she is doing the best she can, there is so much more hospice can do!
Marci

 
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