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Old 10-25-2006, 02:23 PM   #1
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Help needed please!!

HELP! My Aunt has AD. She is in the stage where she can fool people, but just for a little while. She starts asking the same questions she just asked 5 minutes before. Here's the problem: Her only child (my cousin) moved out of state. My Aunt is 82. She is still living in her house alone and still drives. I have talked to my cousin about this and his uncle has talked to him about this, but he won't do anything about it. I think the reason is because his Mom gets verbally abusive with him at times and he just can't handle it. He'd rather go about his life and not think about it. My problem is I am so afraid she will get out and have a wreck and kill someone! I don't believe she is responsible enough to be driving or living alone. The only thing her son did do for her was to take over paying her bills. Okay, long story short, here's my questions: What can I do, or who can I call to alert the athorities that she should not be driving? I would rather do this anonomously - I can't really go through her doctor, because she wouldn't remember her doctor, and I don't want her to know I am doing this. She doesn't think she has a memory problem. I truly believe she is a danger and I need to do something, but What?? Thanks in advance, Cindy

 
Old 10-25-2006, 03:29 PM   #2
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Re: Help needed please!!

Dear Cindy, I am glad you are trying to save lives! Contact the Dept of Motor Vehicles or whatever it's called in your state. Tell them exactly what you told us and see if they have a way of doing it. Send your cousin some newspaper clippings about AD patients killing people. His Mom should not be living alone. Maybe you can awaken his conscience. It's so easy to stick our head in the sand and do nothing. Of course she yells at him - that's the disease. He has to grow up and accept what he can't change ...

good luck

Martha

 
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Old 10-25-2006, 04:59 PM   #3
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Re: Help needed please!!

Dear Cindy,
So sorry about your aunt and the denial by the son. The denial part is almost as maddening as the disease. I am familiar with the problem about driving. Either go on line to your state-site or go to the DMV. They will have a form for you to fill out for re-evaluation for driver's license. I down-loaded the form and filled it out about my FIL. It is anonymous! You do have to sign your name, but they don't know who or why they get a notice for re-evaluation. My FIL thought the insurance company turned him in because of all the accidents. (Not only does FIL have AD, but epilepsy!)

On the form, it will ask for either birth date or driver's license number. It also asks for reasons you think they should be re-evaluated. I made a list of every incident I could think of and health issues. I was notified by mail that they received the information and about a week later, he got a notice in the mail. In his letter it gave him a time and date to go to the DMV for an appointment about re-evaluation. He thought he would just have to take a test there, but they suspended his license and gave him forms for his doctors to fill out.

That's why in your case it will be really important to have documentation of the problems she has while driving....(and while living...) Make sure you mention her son is in denial and write down every AD incident you can think of. Mine was rather easy to document as FIL has so many health and mental issues. Road rage, accidents, getting lost, etc. plus his AD, seizures, heart problems, optic nerve swelling, etc. etc.

Even if her doctor is in denial, he will have to list all her medications and will be held liable if he says she is capable of driving. Your aunt will in the least have to be re-tested. (She may not even give the papers to her doctor.)

They gave my FIL a book to study. (He is suspended for 6 mos. because of seizures.) Of course, that hasn't kept him from behind the wheel. My next course of action is to go to the local police. They know him and would have to pull him over if they saw him driving. He has to drive right by the police dept. to visit his brother. (MIL has no control over him due to his rages and her heart condition. It has always been a volatile relationship which is exacerbated by his AD.)

I haven't had to worry about him driving lately as he hasn't been feeling well. He's retaining fluid and his legs and feet are swollen. That's the only reason he's not driving....he can't walk out to the truck. If his problem clears up, I will have to go to the police about his suspension.

So start by going on-line to find out the name of the form you need. Good luck to you and God bless!

Choquis

 
Old 10-25-2006, 05:24 PM   #4
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Re: Help needed please!!

Oh, Thank you both, so much! I appreciate all the great advice and will certainly use it. I hope I can get something done that will make everyone safer.....at least I will try. God bless you all in your struggles, I know it's not easy. My FIL has dementia, but he was fairly easy to give up driving (thank the Lord). Please remember a friend of mine and her family in your prayers tonight, as her FIL is on a death watch in ICU - he had a brain anurism, they were going to operate on it tomorrow, they did a test on it today and while doing the test, it caused him to have a major stroke. They opted not to do life support of any kind so we're all sure he doesn't have much time left. He's 81 and his wife has AD. It's sad. It's hard to lose a parent, no matter how old they are or how old we are. Thanks for your thoughts. Cindy

 
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