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Old 11-09-2006, 07:36 PM   #1
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Unhappy Crying all the time....

My Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimers about 5 years ago. She lives at home with my father but cannot be left alone, cannot dress herself, and has begun to have bathroom issues. She has always been a fairly happy, positive person. Recently she has begun crying all the time. She is morose, cries and says that she is dying. She is obviously suffering a great deal. My father has taken her to the neurologist several times, and she has been on various anti-depressants, but her mental state seems to be getting worse not better. My family feels that there should be some sort of medication that could relieve her depression and anguish, but so far the doctors haven't found it. Has anyone else experienced this? Any suggestions?

Thanks....SelmaAve

Last edited by SelmaAve; 11-09-2006 at 07:37 PM.

 
Old 11-10-2006, 03:07 AM   #2
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Re: Crying all the time....

The AD patient knows they are losing their rational mind - no wonder they are depressed. Usually an antidepressant has dramatic effects. Maybe the dosage was too low or they used the wrong kind. Maybe you should try again, repeat to the doctor that she is not getting over the depression.

How sad for your father and for you. Perhaps it is time to have her in a facility with around the clock care and lots of activities. Until her recent apathy, my Mom enjoyed the daily games, monthly birthday parties, concerts, trips etc provided by her nursing home, and even when she cannot hold a normal conversation, she and another old lady in a wheelchair sit together and sometimes hold hands. Feelings of warmth and friendship and enjoyment of company last longer than intellectual capacities. I wish you luck.

Martha

Last edited by Martha H; 11-10-2006 at 03:08 AM.

 
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Old 11-10-2006, 03:33 AM   #3
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Re: Crying all the time....

Thank-you for your response. My mother used to be a social person, and my father was not. Now, since my father is the capable one, I think my mother is not getting the social involvement she needs. My father takes her to a respite program 3 times a week, but that leaves 4 days with just the two of them together. So far my father has refused to take her to a respite program more frequently and has also refused to have someone come into the house to spend time with her. My siblings and I feel that the home situation is contributing to my mother's misery. She has no routine, not enough stimulation, and my father gets aggravated which in turn upsets my mother. I think my father feels that 'giving in' to help indicates that he can't handle the situation. No matter what we have said to him so far, we haven't made any inroads. None of us live that close to my parents so we are trying to help from afar, which is very difficult. Having this board to post to is very helpful!

Thanks

 
Old 11-10-2006, 06:54 AM   #4
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Re: Crying all the time....

There is a lady in my FIL's lockdown unit that was crying all the time while she lived at home with her husband. They decided to move her into the unit and she seems quite happy. However, whenever her husband visits she starts crying again. She thinks her daughters are her sisters now and there is no problem when they visit, only when the husband visits.

I don't know what that signifies, but it may do your mother good to be away from her husband ever so often.

Jane

 
Old 11-10-2006, 09:39 AM   #5
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Re: Crying all the time....

There are different groups of antidepressants.

One group of antidepressants is called trycilclic antidepressants like Norpramin and Pamelor. These don't seem to be the "norm" for AD depression but they are sometimes used for it. This may be something you want to discuss with your mom's doctor since the other ones aren't working. Norpramin is good for people with AD who are on the apathetic side because it tends to make the patient active. Pamelor is geared more toward tpeople with AD who are agitated because it has a sedative effect.

Another group of antidepressants are called SSRI's. These include Prozac, Celexa and many of the more "popular" antidepressants. Most likely, the antidepressants your mom has already tried are from this group.

Ask her doctor if antidepressants from another group might help her more.

Love, Barb
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Old 11-10-2006, 06:36 PM   #6
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Re: Crying all the time....

I don't mean to sound flippant, but I am of sound mind and body, and I couldn't handle being with my husband all the time!!! I do believe your Mom and Dad need that break from each other. Think about it.

 
Old 11-11-2006, 05:32 AM   #7
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Re: Crying all the time....

Hi Barb,

I apologize for hijacking this thread..........

But Barb, I wondered if you have a clue about the anti-depressants my mom is on. She takes Zoloft in the morning, then in the evening she has prescriptions for depakote or lorazapam.

She's been on the same meds for quite awhile and they've worked well. But about 2 months ago, she started just crying all the time. Actually, crying......then cursing me for leaving her at the home.

She started calling me every single day, begging to get out, to have all her money delivered to her so she could go to another state and live with her brother. At first, I'd say okay, by the time I visited, she'd forgotten she'd ask for it.

Finally, it got on my nerves so bad that I bought a TV for her room. My brother didn't want me to because he was worried that she'd never go in the living room and socialize. Then she stopped calling and I thought the TV was helping.

Nope. She unplugged it and never turns it on. But when I go to visit, she is angry and mean. The same thing every week. When she sees me she says, "It's about time you showed up. You don't have time to visit your mother."

We go to her room and she starts berating me for leaving her there, after a few minutes she yells for me to "get out." And adds a few choice names for me .....starting with the letter "B."

I leave crying, every week. Finally G, (the owner) told me to skip a week. See if she would forget her tirades and they could calm her down. We've already barred another lady from visiting who always left mom in a rage.

So this week was my visit and I decided to take a new tact. Try to forget the anguish of visiting her, and go in with a smile. I told her we were going shopping and out to lunch. (I had called my brother and he says she just cries on his visits but none of the anger. Cries and complains that she never gets to go shopping.)

"Why would I want to go shopping?" she says, and starts her usual crying and demeaning me. G came back to mom's room and tried to talk her into a nice shopping trip and out for lunch. No way. She wouldn't have it. And when G left the room, Mom closed the door and started in on me. "She wished she had never had children. She wants her money. She's getting out of there. She wants her car. She's driving across country..........on and on......."

I stood up and said I had to leave. She starts screaming,,,"You B....."

And I'm out of there..........crying again.

I don't understand if this is a phase that will pass. I called my brother when I got home and his first suggestion is, "Can't we just let her go back home."

Oh my goodness! No way! She didn't eat. She didn't shower. She didn't take her meds. She ran around to her neighbors in her nightgown, complaing that we never came to see her.

I guess there is no easy answer but this disease is just so overwhelming it makes you desparate for answers and there are none. She called me one time last week and demanded that we bring her car because she needed to buy groceries. It's ridiculous. There are 9 others in this home and mom is the most active. I think the others are much more progressed than mom. Everyone else is content to sit and watch TV, or at least sit quietly. G tries to keep her busy with extra activities, and Mom brags that she is the most helpful patient; she sweeps and folds clothes and they show her room when new ones are viewing the place. All of this is fun for mom, plus the other activities and games they have. Still, she says she's bored there.

I guess my question is; Should I look for another home that has more activities, look for a better anti-depressant, or is this just a stage that she will pass through eventually.

I just don't know which way to turn.

Sorry to be so long............
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Old 11-11-2006, 06:06 AM   #8
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Re: Crying all the time....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sandyspen
Hi Barb,

.

I guess my question is; Should I look for another home that has more activities, look for a better anti-depressant, or is this just a stage that she will pass through eventually.

I just don't know which way to turn.

Sorry to be so long............
My FIL went through a raging stage, although it was directed at other residents and nursing staff. He is extremely calm right now, maybe a little too calm.

Anyway, these are the drugs he is currently on and being weaned from little by little. buspirone (anti-anxiety), temazepam (sleep aid) lorazepam (anti-anxiety), Zoloft (anti-depressant), seroquel (anti-psychotic) and depakote sprinkles (for manic behavior).

His raging has stopped, but he was extremely lethargic until they started weaning him off some of them in the past few months. He is 85 years old and was fairly strong when he first went into the AD unit a year ago. He has become so much weaker that even if he would start raging again I don't think he could actually hit someone.

You may ask her doctor if some of the other drugs could calm her. I have read a few places that some of the drugs to relieve anxiety can actually work in the opposite way, depending upon the dosage and the patient. Maybe her present drug regimen is working against her.

Jane

 
Old 11-11-2006, 07:10 AM   #9
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Re: Crying all the time....

Sandy, it sounds to me like your mom is still angry at you for putting her there. But you did the right thing and you did it for the right reasons. You wanted her to be safe, clean, happy and well fed. Good for you for sticking to your guns and not taking your mom back home. You know home is the least safest place for her right now.

Have you talked to families of the other patients to see how their loved ones react when they visit? I ask this because one never really knows what goes on behind closed doors. Is there something happening there that your mom doesn't like? Is your mom crying a lot when you aren't there and no one is telling you or maybe no one knows?

This is a very tough situation for you I know.

You asked about the antidepressants. Zoloft is in the SSRI group (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors). As far as I know, it's not widely used for AD with agitation but it did curb my dad's agitation. But Zoloft doesn't seem to be helping with your mom's depression so maybe another antidepressant would help. I don't know if you would want to go the route of sedatives but a small dose of something like Ativan or Restoril might help.

Is there any way that you can get her doctor to play along with you and tell her that she cannot go home and it is not your decision to make? If only you could get her to believe that, it might get her to at least to ease up some on you.

This is a phase and it will pass. But in the meantime something does need to be done to help her AND you. This phase can last a long time or it can pass very soon but one never knows.

I'm so sorry you're having such a difficult time. I remember the pain and guilt you felt when you had to place your mom there. Just remember why you did it. It was for all the right reasons. Reason #1 was (and is) that you love her and are concerned for her.

Love, Barb



P.S. Remember it's the disease that makes her say all those nasty things. It's not your mom. It's the Imposter. Try as hard as you can to not take it personally. Easier said than done, I know. Just try, ok?
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Old 11-11-2006, 07:17 AM   #10
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Re: Crying all the time....

I just read Jane's post and recently I did read an article that said sometimes patients go the oposite way on certain anti-d's. Remember the kid in Florida who flew a plane into the side of a building? He was taking an antidepressant (forgot which one) and it actually made him suicidal.

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Old 11-12-2006, 02:39 AM   #11
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Re: Crying all the time....

my mum is also crying all the time....the latest was watching doctor Phil
me "whats wrong"
her reply "they are talking about fat people"
me "so?"
her .....very agitated "I`m not fat"
me "thats just the TV"
she cries if the toilet roll is less than half left, she cries if she needs the toilet ,,,,she cries if the ads come on, she cries if her sheets are askew,, she cries if she is hungry...she cries if she cant pull up her pants.she cries if the toilet roll doesnt have the bit dangling down,
..I have asked at least 20 times today "whats wrong"
I know she is scared, arent we all?

 
Old 11-12-2006, 07:52 AM   #12
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Re: Crying all the time....

Yes, I do agree Barb. Mom actually thinks strangers brought her there, didn't know who I was at the time. But she does believe that it's my responsibility to get her out of there.

Yep, she's back to behaving exactly like she did when she first entered the home. For a few months, she settled in and really liked the place. But now, all she can say is that her life is passing her by and being wasted.

I do go to visit at all different times of day, and never call first. I, too, wondered if a particular thing was making her so unhappy. The only thing I notice is that she is the only one so agitated. All of the others are pretty content. Several times I've come in when activities were going on; a lady comes with a guitar and they all sing. Mom use to love this. She plays older religious songs that they all relate to. Now, mom doesn't want anything to do with it.

The girls who work there are just awesome, joking and teasing and keeping everyone happy and laughing. But Mom wants no part of it. She just wants out! Yes, I've talked to "G" about it, and they see the same behavior even when I'm not there. They've been trying really had to keep her busy.

She no longer has reading comprehension, and can't really follow tv shows, she can only remember how to crochet in circles. So she goes through 6-10 skeins of yarn in a week. Everyone has her very pretty crocheted doilies in their rooms. She use to color but no longer does that.

I have thought about making an appt with her doctor. Just for a chat and an update on her state of mind. Once, they had recommended a stronger anti-depressant, but "G" doesn't like them sleeping all the time. She says they do better if they're active.

Another thing I've wondered about also, she went on Aricept when she first entered the home (8 months ago), I wonder if it has run its course and no longer having any effect.

Thanks all for the kind words and helpful advice!
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Old 11-12-2006, 11:03 AM   #13
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Re: Crying all the time....

You're welcome!

I'm glad to hear she doesn't blame you for putting her in there.

When I read your last post, I wondered is your mom getting enough sleep? I know I get really out of sorts when I don't sleep well. I've been sick this last week or so and haven't been sleeping much and I can be a real witch! LOL! I think you said your mom was checked for a UTI a while back. Is that right? I know UTI's can make people with AD agitated and more confused.

Anyway, I think it's a good idea that you talk to her doctor. There are different types antidepressants. Hers may be working against her now so it may be time to try another anti-d that's non drowsy.

Love, Barb
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Last edited by LuvMyLilDoggie; 11-12-2006 at 11:04 AM.

 
Old 11-12-2006, 02:06 PM   #14
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Re: Crying all the time....

I think this is where the touchy subject of medication needs to be brought up ...

It's all well and good to give them anti-d's, but they do only work for a certain time (if at all really .. they didn't work terribly well for my ex-charge) but anti-psychotic med's worked a treat. They got her over the 'hump' of the raging, the anger, the CONSTANT psychotic episodes ... and then, after a time, she was weaned off .....

It might be time to look into some of the anti-psychotic med's for a while. Yes, they will dope her up for a while, but if managed correctly can be of total benefit and it won't be forever .. they will keep HER calmer and ultimately, THAT'S what your after ... if she's calmer, the staff will be calmer, the other residents will be calmer, YOU will be calmer .. and everybody can take a step back, take a deep breath and start again.

Like I said, medicating our loved ones is a touchy subject, but unfortunately, for everybody's peace of mind and safety, it becomes a temporary but necessary thing.

Cheers

 
Old 11-13-2006, 05:25 AM   #15
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Re: Crying all the time....

Hi Angel,

Actually, that is what I thought they were doing. A couple months ago, she was calmer and relativley happy there. You could tell when she'd taken her medication because her eyes were calmer and peaceful. I think it was after Depakote. The dose wasn't large enough to make her sleepy or dopey. She was just content and happy.

Now, when you go in (no matter the time of day) her eyes are angry and dark and mean. She doesn't appear to be on any medication at all. I know she is, I'm there when they give it to her, but it just doesn't seem to have an affect.

Barb, yes, she did get her check up and was checked for UTI. But, I know when she stayed here, she would stay awake all night and sleep all day. So there very well might be a sleeping issue going on. I think they give her lorazepam at night, but I'm not there then, so not sure.

I think I will make an appt with her doc. Just for myself, to talk to him about her state of mind.
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