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Old 11-17-2006, 06:25 AM   #1
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MIL Alzheimers conflict

New poster here. My concern is my son. His wifes mother has alzheimers and she stays with them most of the time. He is impatient and unhappy about the lady's little dog (whom she dearly loves), and feels she does things deliberately that irritate him My daughter in law is very hurt and said if need be she would get an apartment for her and her mother. Are there books out there for folks like my son? I'm worried about their relationship.

When I reminded him it could be HIS mother (me) he just replied that his MIL knows what she's doing because if he walks in and catches her digging things out of the trash she tries to hide it.
I'm surprised at his attitude because he usually is a more compassionate person. He's 47 years old. Is there help for him? For them?

 
Old 11-17-2006, 08:54 AM   #2
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Re: MIL Alzheimers conflict

Nancy, i am fairly new here also, but welcome. My mother is in a lock down unit and my father has just been diagnosed with this dreaded disease.
Your son needs to realise the lady is is looking at is no longer the lady that he knew when he was courting and marrying his wife. She does not know what she is doing and she certainly isn't doing it deliberately. I'm sure that she feels his anger towards her to him. How difficult for her and your son.

You might suggest the "The 36 hour day." Also I would contact your local Alzheimers association and get some info from them. I would also see if you couldn't get your son some info on support groups for families...

It is fortunate that you are able to help temper your son's attitude. It would be a sad fate to see their marriage fail because of your son's lack of understanding..

good luck...this is a horrid road we are all walking on...

 
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Old 11-17-2006, 11:52 AM   #3
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Re: MIL Alzheimers conflict

Tell your son to go onto this site at his own computer and randomly read a few of the postings ..he will soon understand what this disease is all about ....

 
Old 11-18-2006, 04:42 PM   #4
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Re: MIL Alzheimers conflict

One of the things that makes it so hard is that patient looks the same, and it is very hard to realize that the person isn't the same. I still find myself getting frustrated at why my husband does something after living with the disease for 4 years --- as if he could help himself -- and then have to remind myself that he's demented. (I HATE that word. When I started posting, some people used it to respond to my questions and I cringed. Now I understand that it's the hard truth.)

It's a sad question, but were they really ok before MIL moved in? Did they agree on MIL spending her days with her daughter? Is he home most of the day when the MIL and her dog are there?

Do they care enough about each other to try to make it work for awhile, knowing that ultimately a full-time care situation and placement is going to be necessary? They both might need help, whether through counseling, learning more about the disease, learning about other care options, etc. If he learns more, he might be able to suggest other options to his wife. No, replacing the dog with a stuffed one is NOT a good option (at least not yet).

Your daughter in law is fortunate that you care so much about her. You sound very disappointed in your son. Perhaps he was just venting about a particular situation (geez, we know what that's like!!!) and within a few days he'll settle back down again -- not realizing how upsetting it can be for you to hear about them arguing. This disease causes so many ups and downs in families on top of everything else. It's a horrible roller coaster. I wish your family a peaceful Thanksgiving.

Last edited by Beginning; 11-18-2006 at 04:43 PM.

 
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