As some of you know, I've just been a bundle of nerves on my weekly visits to Mom.
I spoke with my brother (who also visits every week.) He says she isn't that bad with him. Does moan and groan about wanting to go home, but she doesn't grow angry or curse at him like she does with me.
Despite knowing this disease, I must admit I was taking it personally. I just couldn't help myself. She had done so well the first few months, then slipped right back into the same way she was treating me when she lived with me.
I went early last week so that I could speak with "G." The manager, thinking she needed new medication or something!
I was certainly off-guard and guess I should have talked to her sooner. She said they have no problems with mom and I'm the only one that she rages at like that. Occasionally, she'll fight about taking her shower, but generally they have no problems with her. She told me that Mom knows the right buttons to push with me, she thinks if she makes me feel bad enough........I'll get her out of there. She knows how I re-act.........and she plays on that.
My goodness, I certainly wasn't giving her enough credit. I didn't think she'd remember from week to week how to "treat" me. But I decided to try a new attitude with her, fully expecting to prove "G" wrong.
The lady in the room next to her had passed away the week before and there was much activity when I rounded the corner to Mom's room. They had removed the bed and were stripping the room to bare bones cleaning it. Mom was working like a little beaver, laughing, joking, have a ball with the staff. I was totally surprised as I expected her to be crying all the time.
I behaved as I full-well knew that I should! When she cried, I changed the subject. When she asked for her money, I changed the subject. When she asked for her brother, I changed the subject. She never shed one tear, never got angry, never raised her voice.
I was totally floored! I had no idea that my attitude was egging her on with the tears and the angry tirades. But I saw pretty quickly that it was..........
For 2 years I've been changing the subject, I really don't understand how I feel into this hole of trying to "explain" again. But that's what I was doing. I'd been trying to explain why she was there, why she had to stay, why she couldn't go home ........and she didn't understand any of it and was angry with me.
So I'm back on track again. Change the Subject.............no matter what.
I swear, if I ever fall into this trap again..........I hope one of you reminds me....