As Thanksgiving nears I'm finding myself both very exited AND very aprehensive. I'm driving 12 hours with my son and maybe my step neice to my sister's house. This is the sister that my dad is currently with.
Some of you know the situation my sister put my dad in financially and we have a whole bunch more negative family issues that sit beneath our skins. Truth be told, I'd like nothing better than to knock my sister flat out on the ground! But for dad's sake and the sake of our kids, I pretend that all is fine and dandy.
It's easy to pretend when you're 700 miles away. But I'll be with her for 4 glorious days. UGGGHHHH!!!!! Can I take it? I'm not sure. So that's why I have a plan B. Well, it's not really a plan but rather a "get the heck outta there as quick as I can" escape plan.
But really the thing that's bothering me the most is how my dad is now. It's been 17 months since I've seen him and you all know a lot of deterioration can happen in that time. I wonder will he remember me? He seems to know me on the phone but what about in person? Will he be pretty much the same or is he worse? Will my visit make him happy or will it upset his routine and make him act differently? The only way I'll know the answers to my questions is to go and see for myself. Believe it or not I am happy about taking the trip but I'm so scared too.
I'll be leaving very early Thanksgiving morning, soon after midnight and coming home Sunday. I don't think I've ever been so exited and so terrified at the same time.
Hi Barb, I do hope you have a wonderful time - but you have got some interesting odds in there haven't you
Have you rehearsed in your mind/agreed with your sis what you say if he asks to come back with you? A simple 'not this time dad', and he will have forgotten about it the next day? You lead with your heart when it comes to your dad so it might help to have this rehearsed in your mind?
Oh Georgie, you are SOOO right! I DO lead with my heart. My sister and I have discussed this and we've agreed that if he wants to come home, I will take him-but only until Christmas. She will then come here to take him home with her. As much as I hate to say this, I know how tiring caregiving is and everyone needs a break sometime. So I am willing to take him back for a short time if he wants to come. I have already set my limit and my sister has agreed to it.
Interesting odds. Good way to put it! If you only knew.....
Mom2Mom, yeah I felt that way too with my son. His 18th birthday is this Friday so we will be celebrating it in Alabama without his father. My husband HATES my sister with a complete passion so he refused the invitation. He understands that I miss my dad so he is not trying to interfere with me going south for a few days.
Well, Thanksgiving is tomorrow and I leave in about 14 hours to take that 12 hour drive. I gotta tell ya I'm getting more and more scared as time passes. I don't want to go and I do want to go.
Martha if you're reading this, I think you expressed feelings like this before your last visit to see your mom. It's like I don't know how I should feel. But I do. I should feel happy. I do feel happy. But the part of me that's dreading this is taking over today. Last night I thought of getting in my truck tonight and going in the oposite direction. I won't, of course. But the thought did cross my mind.
Do any of you have these feelings? I think I hate this disease more now than when I had my dad staring me in the face screaming at me with his fists drawn and ready to punch me. I'd almost rather take the punch.
I WILL go south and I WILL put on a smiley face. I WILL do my best to enjoy the time I have with my dad. Friday is my son's 18th birthday and my sister is throwing a surprise party for him. I'm sure that things won't be as bad as I'm projecting. But this fear is overwhelming me today.
Well, I guess dad isn't THAT bad off. He remembered that I was coming there, just didn't remember which day. My sister called me a little while ago and said dad had been waiting outside in front of the house for me most of the day. Good thing it's warmer there than here!
He kept insisting that I said I would be there TODAY. My daddy knows me today! That little bit of information has made a world of difference for me.
I'll be leaving here in an hour or two and now I feel pretty confident that all will go smoothly.