My sister is currently in NY visiting Mom. My brother says she finally gave up pretending that Mom is fine and will recover and go home. This Denial has lasted several years, so it is a wonder. Mom's condition is now so bad that no one can cover up her Dementia with other excuses. I don't think Mom will last much longer. This disease is a long parting and a slow dying.
I don't know how you feel about this Martha (personally I am still a bit grumpy with her for the extra stress she put you through at a time when you least needed it). At least you won't have to dread contending with her denial on top of everything else as things move forward for your mother.
I think you have handled the situation throughout with a great deal of maturity and aplomb.
My initial thought was "BRILLIANT" .. but on reflection, I'm gonna lay bet's that Moo Poo get's home and will see the 'good' side and may just revert back to how good Mum is (perhaps with a few more excuses thrown in?)
I'm SUCH a doubting Thomas! LOL
Cheers (and if she stays in the real word, YIPEEEEEEEEEE)
I know her denial has been hard on the rest of you... but I have to wonder what was behind the denial - and worry a little about how she will cope now that she can no longer pretend and avoid the painful truth. She may have a lot of difficulty in dealing with the reality and though it would be understandable if you didn't feel compassionate toward her - she may need your patience and help as she adjusts... You have gone through a lot of
emotions because you didn't deny what was happening. And you went through it over a period of time. She may get slammed with a lot of emotions at once. I know that you have good reason NOT to be patient with her... but I am one of those "turn the other cheek" and "do unto others" believers. I hope she becomes a help to you in whatever time is left - and that you can lean on each other and be a support to one another as you say those final goodbyes. Hugs.
I agree totally. My brother and I think we know the reason - she is much more terrified of death than we are since she does not believe in eternal life.
I will do all I can to be supportive. I am pretty sure that when Mom 'goes', she will need the most help.
She is perhaps also very afraid of her own mortality, not being well.
Thanks for so much support and understanding through this long ordeal. I have been on HB since November 2004 - 2 full years now. Honestly, I never expected Mom to make it this far.
I think you hit the nail on the head. She's scared of facing death.
Great that she's not in total denial anymore. Just remember that once she goes back to Ohio, it'll be much easier for her to slip back in to denial. It's hard to pretend when it's in your face but easy when you're hundreds of miles from it. So I tend to agree with angel_bear. Keep your expectations on this matter very low.
I am sorry for you and your siblings that your mom is nearing the end. But, she really does not have much life left. As long as she is not in any pain. Please make sure of that! Grimace is pain and moaning is pain. But, I do know that starving is not painful. I hope you are alright.
And I agree with Angel Bear. Your sis reminds me a lot of my mom. When something bad or downhill happens with my dad, she calls me and seems sad. But, the next day, week or whatever, she is in denial again. I still do not think she realizes that he will die of his illnesses.
