I had a good time at my sister's house. I was not surprised to see my dad is getting worse with AD and some other health concerns too. His nerve problem in his face is worse.
Dad said he was coming home with me all weekend but when the time came to go, he decided to stay (YIPPEE!!!). Friday, dad went with friends to breakfast and they kept him out for the entire morning. When he returned, he walked as fast as he could into the kitchen. I was sitting at the table and noticed something wasn't right. I asked him if he was ok. He started crying (not like my old dad). Again, I asked him what was wrong. He said "I thought they took me out so that Bo could leave. I thought Bo left". Bo is my son. At that point, my sister came in and asked what was wrong. Dad told my sister the same thing. He thought Bo went home. I thought a little humor might help so I told dad where Bo was and I looked at my sister and said (knowing that she would play along) "See? I told ya dad don't like me. He was just worried that Bo left. Didn't even give a hoot about me." And my sister said "So what? He don't like me either!" We were both smiling as we talked and then laughed a little afterwards and dad calmed down and even smiled.
Saturday, I overdid it with dad. I took him, my son and my niece to the zoo. He wouldn't let me rent a wheelchair so we walked very slow and took lots of rests. It was 72 degrees there (VERY NICE!!!) and I think he ejoyed the fresh air and watching the kids have a good time.
This morning (Sunday) when I left, dad was having a rough time. He wet his pants just a few minutes after going to the bathroom to relieve himself. And I got to see dad flinch with pain in his jaw which cemented my belief that he really IS in pain and it IS coming from the nerve condition he has. He goes to the doctor on the 6th so my sister is going to tell his doctor. If it gets worse, I WILL bring dad back here to see his old doctor. I saw dad twice in the worst of that pain and I WILL NOT let him go through that again. The pain gets so bad that he can't even open his lips without sheer agony. My sister has never seen him when his nerve condition is at it's worst.
Dad cried when we left and told me that he would miss me. I almost broke down then but managed to keep it together so as not to upset him more.
Btw, dad recognized me and even called me by name. He hasn't called me by name in so long that I didn't know if he would remember.
I was ok until last night. Then it came back. I'm back to coughing like crazy again. I slept on the couch in our living room so my hubby wouldn't be disturbed but that didn't work. He pretty much slept when I did and awakened with the roar of my coughing.
My poor dad is getting that look in his eyes. It's the same look his dad had every time I visited him and left to go home. I HATE that look! It's the look of confusion. It's that look that says "I'm afraid I'll never see you again". It's that look of feeling that he's being torn apart, the one that says "I don't know whether to stay or go." I know that in time, that look will fade, the time when he won't know or care that there are choices and tomorrows. I dread that day. But at the same time, I am comforted to know that there will be a day when dad is free of his mental anguish and confusion. He'll be free of his fears.
