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Old 12-12-2006, 01:03 PM   #1
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dfroman1166 HB User
Mom w/ alzheimer's

Hi,
New here. My mom has been diagnosed with alzheimers. She has either been in denial or has not been telling me the truth ,she says she's too young. She is 65 yrs old but has had symptoms for about 2 yrs now. She forgets things that have happened almost instantly. She's also very childlike at times to the point of it being embarrasing in public! I love my mom very much and realize this may be part of the disease. I try very hard to be patient with her but I get very frustrated. She's also very nasty to my sister and I sometimes- critizising what we wear and such. Is this common behavior in alzheimers? Any help would be appreciated.

 
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Old 12-12-2006, 02:14 PM   #2
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Re: Mom w/ alzheimer's

If she has been correctly diagnosed, she can't help her behaviour. It's not your Mum doing it, it's the disease. She's not behaving badly on purpose, she really is no longer in control of herself.

And of course she's in denial !! Put yourself in her position. If somebody just said to you "your losing your mind" you wouldn't be too impressed and nor would you believe them! Why? Because in your AD world, your perfectly FINE thankyou very much, it's the rest of the world that's gone *****.

I understand your anger .. parents are supposed to be there forever protecting us and being our rock .. but unfortunately, the longer we live the more diseases can attack us. In saying that, yes, your Mum is young, but there is Early Onset Dementia which is nothing short of a tragedy. We expect OLD people to be a bit 'weird', but not younger people!!

Sorry if I sound a bit cross with you .. I don't mean to be, but yes, all her behaviours are part and parcel of the disease and unfortunately, she can't be fixed. There are medications that may slow the disease down, but it can't be stopped. It sounds like Mum will 'buck the system' as much as possible, but please try and remember .. there is an imposter inside your mother and the imposter will take over, gradually, bit by bit until there won't be much of Mum left. It's an evil disease .... absolutely evil.

First and foremost, my best advice to you right now is to chill out and stop taking Mums behaviour personally ~ get some counselling, because your going to need it to learn coping skills with challenging behaviours like verbal abuse, physical abuse, diversional tactics and a host of other things. Read old posts ... the underlying story is, unfortunately, the same.

Hugs, sorry if I sounded harsh ...

 
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Old 12-12-2006, 03:30 PM   #3
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dfroman1166 HB User
Re: Mom w/ alzheimer's

No... Your not being harsh at all. I appreciate you response. I have alot to learn about this disease. I feel very frustrated and I also realize that she can't help it. I have been in contact with a therapist to help me understand things better. I feel very sorry that this is happening to her and I worry about how long it will be until I phone her one morning and she dosent know who I am. Very scary! I am also attending all of her doctors appiontments to make sure we are doing all we can.
Thank you

 
Old 12-12-2006, 05:39 PM   #4
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Re: Mom w/ alzheimer's

If your mom is in the very early stages of AZ, I would start practicing patience and tolerance because if your road is anything like mine was, you have a very long journey as your mother's condition deteriorates over time. This disease doesn't get better, it gets worse and of course can be slowed down by medications. My dad had no patience during my mom's journey with AZ and it put a major strain on our relationship. Anytime my mom asked a question 10 times, I acted like it was always the first time she asked it, whereas my dad would get frustrated.

My mom just passed away a few weeks ago and I'm still reeling from the loss. I miss her deeply but I realize she is at peace now. I believe AZ is a fate worse than death. Good luck.

 
Old 12-13-2006, 04:28 AM   #5
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Re: Mom w/ alzheimer's

I just want to share with you a story:

There is a gentleman I know .. a sweet, gentle loving man. He's in a Dementia specific wing in a nursing home. He wouldn't hurt a fly, but he often seeks out a carer and claims he's lost.

Well, tonight he sought me out. I explained to him very carefully that his wife knows he's staying in the nursing home, and I explained to him that he's 90 years old (shock .. but I'm only 85!! No honey, your 90... OMG .. where did 5 years go?) and that he's got SOOOO many memories his brain has run out of space, so he can't remember the more recent stuff.

It helped CALM him. Then he said "you know, I think my Dad went like that too" and I said "Then you have both lived long and full-filling lives" and he chuckled. He was concerned about his wife, but I let him know she's safe and she knows where he is and wants him to stay there. I explained to him that he was taking his med's wrong, going for walks and getting lost and how scary it was for everybody and how safe he is now. He was really happy with that and went and sat down in a chair. No sooner did he sit down, that he bounced back up and came straight back to me ... with the EXACT. . . word for word questions .. "Why am I here? and Where am I?" .. amazing .. absolutely amazing ... so we went through the conversation AGAIN ... (bit faster this time LOL) .... .and off he went to bed. Within 20 minutes he was back saying "I've had a dream and it couldn't possibly be true" and I asked what and he said "something about Short Term Memory loss?"

Something sunk in LOL.

he is one of the ODD ones suffering this disease that you CAN do reality therapy with. There is another gentleman I know, that you can't, under any circumstances even GO in that direction.

THIS is the learning curve .. learning what you can and can't say .. THAT'S the hard bit ....

Glad I didn't upset you

Cheers

 
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