Re: Father in law in denial
Lots of our parents are in denial about their spouse being ill. My mom was for about 2 years. Over 2006, she has started seeing the light. But still insists that she can take care of him at home. My dad is not quite the level your MIL is. But, he will need some outside care this year, whether my mother likes it or not!
The only thing that I can think of without your MIL and FILs approval is to talk to a Social Worker. Or call her family dr., yourself. Print the stages list from the stop of this forum and circle the ones that you know that she is. And mail or take that to her dr.
If you can convince your FIL to let you take her, without her knowing til she gets there, you can always try to make the appt. and say you are going somewhere else? That might work and might not, depending on the doctor.
You could also, try telling you FIL that he could get reported for abuse of the elderly. For not caring for her properly. Especially if she is not eating right and not bathing at all. Also, if your FIL thinks that his wife could possibly have the beginnings of Alz, tell him she needs to go and have a physical and an MMSE exam, which will help the dr. diagnose her and to tell what level, is she does have alz.
These are just things I am tossing out, in hopes that one or more might work for you and your family. What struck me the most, was when you said she collected fuzz balls and thought that they were bugs! My father has been seeing bugs for about 1 year. My husband exterminated and he still thinks that they are really there.
I wish you the best, and in the am, perhaps Martha and Barbara will help you more along with the other very good caregivers on this site.
Take care and come back to talk - it does help.