Just dropping y'all a quick line to let you know my hubby has taken our remaining children back to our old home town for a bit of a holiday (I'm on my own for 2 weeks .. ahh .. the peace .. the quiet .. the solitude ... LOL) My daughter rang me today to say they were visiting her Nanna (one of my ex-charges). She reckons Nanna didn't recognise her or her Dad (Nanna's son .. my hubby) but was pleasant and happy enough. She had had a fall a few days ago and wasn't looking too good. She pretty much sits in her rooms and has carers bring her into communal eating areas.
I guess I'll find out more when they come home eh?
Now: On the topic of another thread of family not helping and the stress it brings, I think too, the offers of help and not forthcoming don't help either. To have people constantly say "We'll do this" or "We'll do that" increases your hope of some assistance, but when it doesn't come through you get disappointed, and then you EXPECT to be disappointed and stop asking for help and then get into trouble for not asking for help ...
Catch 22? Oh yeah .. big time .. that's one of the things that fully split THIS family too ... so sad .. this disease affects everybody in so many ways.
Your note, Angel Bear, brings caution to me. Our daughters (28 & 35) called this week saying they think Dan and I should move to the east coast where everyone can be closer and be of assistance. We just moved in our new, down sized home thinking this was the answer for us until assisted living ~ it's a gated community and Dan is very comfortable here. This last week I have been sick, nothing serious but a terrible head cold and sore throat, but kept me down enough to see how awful it would be if I was to get REALLY sick with no family nearby. We had expected our one daughter and her husband and kids to move here, but it did't work out and he got a fabulous job in NC..so we are alone and doing okay. Dan was diag. in the Spring at 59, I'm 61...that's the foundation.. reading all the comments makes me a bit fearful to sell the house and move to NC from AZ as I know they want to help, but they have their own lives too. They're wonderful support on the phone and when they come, but day to day...ongoing, might be very difficult for them. We have LTCare Ins. which I plan to use when it's necessary, but for now the kids and grandkids want to be around Dan while he can still communicate and interact with them all. Much food for thought in the notes these past few days. THAnks for your sharing...this is a matter for timing and much prayer as I don't want to act on long-distance support and then to see in actual time that the support isn't there. I'm reading Into the Mist and it's giving me help and long term insight also, by Deborah Uetz. Thanks again for your notes. Ann
That's the name of the book! I've been trying to remember since I spoke with a friend of Deborah Uetz. Her friend is the one who told me about the book. Deborah's father had alzheimer's and Deborah is a former teacher who has dedicated her career and life to helping others who are going through similar things as she did.
Lady Ann, what do you think of the book? I can't wait to get it and read it.
Angelbear, how true, how true! I had one of dad's brothers tell me "I'll help with B. I can come get him and take him out when you need a break or take him to appts when I'm not working". That sounded great. And it would have been great had it actually happened. Of course I would not have expected uncle T to take dad to the doctor. But if he would have just come over and took dad home with him for a few hours every couple of weeks, that would have been a tremendous help for me. My sister has help with my dad. R's father-in-law is AWESOME! He takes dad out almost every morning for coffee and a few errands and sometimes to visit friends or shop. So R has almost every morning free to do things she can't do when he's there...like clean his room, do his laundry or just lounge around. She has a good support system there. Too bad she doesn't appreciate it.
Good for you for taking some ME TIME!!!! ENJOY!!!!
I have to tell you that if I hadn't had my brother nearby for support, I would have cracked up altogether! A couple of times I sent him an SOS message and soon afterwards he called and made some excuse to have Mom go to their house for a day or even a weekend; he came and picked her up and brought her back. That's when I felt as free as a bird, and rushed off to Central Park my favorite place in NYC, and walked and walked and got out some of the tension building up in me. I also went to my favorite cafe and ate lots of fattening comfort food like grilled cheese with bacon.
And it was he who finally agreed to take Mom to live with them when I was beyond my wits' end ... thus freeing me to start a new life here in Indiana. Sadly her stay with him was short, since she fell down the stairs after 3 months, and wound up permanently in the NH, in September of 2005.
Occasionally a church member would pick her up and take her to services and coffee hour - that was also of measureless value to me.
The rest of the family was too far off to be of any help. My sister was in the habit of inviting Mom to their house for 1 week or 2, every year, and those 'years' could stretch for 16 months at times .... her idea of being helpful was to make long phonecalls to Mom telling her (at least agreeing with her) that I was causing all her problems ....
I wish Mom had been placed earlier - when she still had her capacity to walk and dance - she would have made friends and enjoyed the outings. She has been in a wheelchair the entire time of her NH stay.
One lady on her floor paints beautiful oil paintings. She stays in her room painting most of the time, but is happy. Mom is too confused to do anything - she cannot even remember how to turn on the radio or TV.
Angel Bear - enjoy your time of less stress and solitude, and don't work too hard!
Lady Ann - may I ask, what were your husbands symptoms, and how long did they last before you got worried and got a diagnosis?? Reason I'm asking....my hubby is almost 59 and his memory is shot, plus his personality has changed dramatically. It's almost like living with a stranger. He has had blood tests, etc and they couldn't find anything, He has yet to have an MRI done. He is still able to work and function, but it's just his memory, or should I say, lack of memory, that is troubling, also the personality changes. It's so frustrating to me! In fact, there are many times I'd like to just leave, but we still have two teens and I don't have a job! Anyway, good luck to you two, sounds like you've got it under control for now. I hope things go smoothly for you. Any info you can give me will be appreciated. C