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Old 01-20-2007, 03:08 AM   #1
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PLEASE answer about my trip!

Hi All,
I'm new to this board and have gotten some comfort just reading your posts.
My Mother has Parkinson's and dimentia, and just last week her Neurologist's nurse told me on the phone that she has Alzheimers. I wasn't surprised.
My poor Dad is also very sick with Pulmonary Fibrosis (plus a lot of other medical problems).I lived with them from Nov. 15 to end of Dec. I finally went back to work,(I work 2 part time jobs which add up to 8 hours a day) but go over 3 times a day and stay on the weekends. My Mom is up practically all night and it has really taken a toll on my Dad. He is so emotional and cries all of the time. She just let go their 3rd caregiver that stays through the night. So now we're stuck again for this Sunday night.
My question is and I really need advice on this--
My husband has been a life saver helping with my parents. He was offered an all expenses paid, all inclusive trip for us to go with a group from work next Sat. (Jan. 27) to Costa Rica! What do I do???? We paid double to get our passports here on time because we procrastinated about going for so long. I am so scared that my Mother will "flip" out when I tell her that we will be gone for a week and then she might be in her "mean" mood to my poor Dad the entire time if we go! Also if we do decide to go, when should I tell her???? This has been so stressful for me besides the stress of caring for them, because my husband deserves this trip! He earned it from work and it's not fair to him! I know that I won't have as good of a time if the circumstances were different, but the home health nurse told me that I need this respite care! Please, what should I do? My Aunt from out of town offered to come for a few days, but not stay overnight. My Mom isn't really fond of her, but at least she would be there for a while.
Thanks so much,
elphers

 
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Old 01-20-2007, 05:09 AM   #2
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Re: PLEASE answer about my trip!

Please go on the trip!

Say yes to your Aunt's indcredibly kind offer. Try to get someone else to look in on then also.

Then go and enjoy the trip!

Talking to an Alzheimer patient is not like talking to everyone else. They do not understand or remember what was said, misunderstand everything, and act weird. Tell your Father you are going on a short vacation. Tell your mother good bye, see you in a few days. No further explanations. When you come back she may or may not have noticed your absence. If she complains, say, well I am so happy to see you again, I missed you. Say this regardless of the depth of the accusation. It's like talking to a 3 year old who says "I hate you!" You answer, "well, I am glad that I LOVE you!" Not a return insult.

Try NOT to call them while you are away. Let your Aunt know where you can be reached.

By now your Mom may already have forgotten who your Aunt is and that she was ever mad at her.

GOOD LUCK!

Martha

 
Old 01-20-2007, 12:16 PM   #3
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Re: PLEASE answer about my trip!

Martha,
I just wanted to thank you for the reply and the advice about our trip! I wish that it wasn't for a few more months, but it is now or never!!!!!!!!
I believe that we will go!!!
Thanks again!
elphers (Mary)

 
Old 01-20-2007, 03:52 PM   #4
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Re: PLEASE answer about my trip!

Sounds like you need the trip. Martha's right about the lost concept of time. Not sure how far along your Mom is, but the concept of time seems to be one of the earlier things to go. When I left my Dad for a week, I hung up a HUGE calendar with the days marked that I was gone and called a couple times a day. And dontcha know, he still couldn't keep track of how long it had been.

Have FUN!

 
Old 01-20-2007, 06:48 PM   #5
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Re: PLEASE answer about my trip!

I warned my ex-charge we were going camping for 5 days and all went well .. I think she was glad to see the back of us personally .. but my husband came home early to look after his Dad (we were looking after both his parents) and I stayed on. When I did get home, I got into all manner of strife with my ex-charge for not being home!!

Darned if I did, darned if I didn't .. but after I apologised and said sorry, all was forgiven (and forgotten) by the next day.

Go. Just go. Deal with any problems later, but you do have some support so grab it while you can. You may not get many more opportunities for a while.

Cheers

 
Old 01-20-2007, 07:46 PM   #6
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Re: PLEASE answer about my trip!

Another vote for the trip. As was said tell your
Dad where you will be, tell your Mom you'll be
back "in a while". You've got family covering,
there is no reason for you not to take a break
and have a couple of days of normalcy.
When you get back you might begin to think
about a move for your folks into an
environment where they both will get the care
they need.

 
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