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Old 02-03-2007, 03:14 PM   #1
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Post Very sad and very happy. Confusing title, eh?

I spoke with my sister last night and she reports that dad is getting angry, fidgity and discontent again. We thought this stage was over since he hasn't been like this in several months. Nothing has changed in his surroundings. He is also back to sundowning again, this after being on a somewhat regular sleep schedule for some time now. My sister is in the midst of remodeling her kitchen now. She's been remodeling for a long time but most of the remodeling until now has been in her basement and outside. So I wonder if the craziness of remodeling the kitchen could have anything to do with this setback. They were without a kitchen sink for 2 whole weeks.

Dad is also back to wanting to get in the car and come home (700 miles!). Luckily, he still thinks he needs a new water pump so he can't drive it. It was replaced two years ago no one is going to tell him he's wrong....

I know this may sound cruel because the further my dad is in the stages, the closer he is to the end. But I really was hoping he would not go back to the way he was in the earlier stages.

I just now went back and re-read the 7 stages and levels that angel bear posted and after careful thought, I would now say that dad is stage 6 with occasional days or moments being stage 5. The last time I read that, I believe I classified dad stage 5 and occasionally 6.

I had really hoped that dad would stay the content dad who was easier to deal with. He was so much happier and that's all we had hoped for, that he would stay happy and content.

I'm really sad today because of this. Now I know dad is forgetting family. I was telling him yesterday that his brother's daughter got married. He didn't remember her. It's only a matter of time before he forgets us too.

I do have some good news which I am trying to concentrate on. My son was accepted to a college he chose first. He was chosen on the very first interview. I am so very proud of him!

He's very anxious to tell his grandpa. He hasn't been able to reach him yet. I hope my dad understands when my son tells him.
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Old 02-03-2007, 03:56 PM   #2
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Re: Very sad and very happy. Confusing title, eh?

Dear Barb, that's great about your son, congratulations!

How are you coping with the deep freeze we're in here in the midwest? We are under blizzard warnings for high winds plus lake effect snow. It is just above zero F and getting way colder. I am OK in my warm apartment. I am so glad heat is included in my rent!

I spoke to Mom today and it was one of those impossible conversations. I say something, no answer. I say it again, long long pause, then "what did you say?" then I say it yet again.

How can you carry on a conversation? Impossible. I told her it is cold here and I hope she is keeping warm, I love you, goodbye. This was the first time ever that she did not answer "I love you too" but 'What? What did you say?"

I feel with you as your Dad decreases in mental alertness. I do hope for your son's sake that he will congratulate him and not say, "who are you"?

Love,

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Old 02-03-2007, 05:30 PM   #3
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Re: Very sad and very happy. Confusing title, eh?

My dad tells me he loves me and he never told me that before AD.

Yes it is very cold. We're not having the lake effect snow like you are. We have I would say less than 1 inch of snow on the ground. The wind is fierce. Wind chill factor is supposed to be 20-30 below zero tonight. I had to go out in this today. It was 2 degrees and winds were 25+ miles per hour. It's instant pain to any exposed skin. I am so looking forward to spring!

I believe my dad will recognize my son. Actually, I think my dad will forget who I am before he forgets my son.

Love, Barb
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Old 02-04-2007, 07:31 AM   #4
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Re: Very sad and very happy. Confusing title, eh?

Barb, I feel sad for you too that dad seems to be forgetting more.

It's the same for me. Some days I think Mom's stage 5, then I go the next week and am certain she's 6. I think they must fluctuate a lot.

When I leave, she grabs me, kisses me, hugs me and says she loves me. And, for me, it's really difficult. I don't remember her ever kissing me or saying she loved me before............and I'm 60 this month. I know it sounds strange to be uncomfortable with a mother's affection, but when you've never had it.......it's disconcerting.

You know, Mom's memory with relatives is odd, too. In one context she'll mention some one "in the present." But 5 minutes later, if I mention the same person, she'll say, "hmmmmmmm, I guess I don't know them."

She'll say Vince's (her deceased hubby) children wrote to her. Yet, she'll show me a card she received from a stranger........and it's from them.

People and names and faces seem to be all jumbled up to her. Sometimes she makes the connection and sometimes she doesn't. At Christmas, the only family member she recognized "on sight" was my hubby.....neither of her grandsons, though she kept asking for them and they were in the room.

It's just so baffling......
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Old 02-04-2007, 01:30 PM   #5
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Re: Very sad and very happy. Confusing title, eh?

No I understand, Sandy. I feel much the same. I'm glad that dad says he loves me because it's something I've longed to hear for over 40 years. It's the stuff like crying when I left that tears me apart. This man never cried before. Now he bawls for seemingly nothing. I think it's almost like all those years of bottled up feelings are being released as he loses his ability to hold it back. He used to say he was like a horse or dog, that he could take pain and never show it. When he cries, part of me wants to hug and console him. But the most part of me wants to run. I don't know how to handle it. And so I listen to that little part of me that says he needs me to give him a hug and tell him it'll be alright. I'm not sure if I do it because that's how I feel or because it's just the right thing to do. In the end though, all that really matters now is that it calms him down. For now.

Love, Barb
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