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Old 02-04-2007, 03:28 AM   #1
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first NH visit

So I finally got the courage up to go see my mum! 3 weeks after permanent placement
DH came with me but I was so scared anyway.
scared that she would cry, scared that she would ask to go home etc etc
its just so hard emotionally (I took tissues just in case but I didnt need them! yay!"
well........the nurse spotted us coming in(I forgot the code for the lock) and told my mum...you have visitors
she practically ran to me (not literally of course)arms outstretched calling out "its my sister its my sister!!!) (she has no siblings)

Obviously knowing I am a significant female relative
she said " I havent seen you for so long!"
she actually conversed with me!!
she told me some of the other residents were a bit odd, and we talked about the weather and judy garland and gardens and stuff and when I said I had to go and that I would come back next week she just said OK! she told me they were looking after her well! OMG!
angel said she might get a bit better or worse upon being placed but I was STUNNED!
DH pointed out that not all visits might go so well but now I know I can do it and I will visit her every week
(fortunately only a 20 min drive away)
we also suspect her meds have been changed cause she could actually carry on a conversation...I will meet with the NH next week and find out.
we also talked about the golf as there is some womans comp going on at the moment and she said "Paul used to play golf"
It was actually my father that was a golf addict, he died from a brain tumour 4 1/2 years ago- Paul is my brother
so now I have actually visited her and survived emotionally intact
I have also had a bit of a social life happening...
I have told my new and old friends about how much this forum has helped.
I try not to talk about mum too much but if someone asks me I cant help but drone on about mum...but on friday night I didnt talk about her once!
thankyou, all of you, for sharing your wisdom and experiences,
I now feel calm and in control but I know that huge decisions will come to me and you will all help me through.
Kind regards,
Jo

 
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Old 02-04-2007, 03:57 AM   #2
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Re: first NH visit

Jo, I'm happy for you! We need to share positive NH stories, because so many out there are petrified of having their loved one in a facility. There are a few 'rotten apples' in the nursing home barrel, but most nursing homes are good. I'm glad you found a good one and your Mom has adjusted well to living there. No 'take me home' cries, which are typical for the first few months. I hope every visit will go as well as this one and you can go on with your own life. My Mom was the center of my life for the 5 years I lived with her, and I am sure I talked more about her than about anything else. I am so glad I have a life again ...

Love,

Martha

 
Old 02-04-2007, 04:17 AM   #3
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Re: first NH visit

Jo,

I don't have enough words to tell you how PLEASED I am your first visit went so well ..

It's so HARD getting the courage up to go visit .. I remember thinking "oh she's gonna hate me for doing this" with my ex-charge, but y'know something? It was harder on me than her. I had worked myself up into such a state and was prepared to run at the slightest bit of 'attack', but it never happened.

Why?

Because we had done the RIGHT thing. She knew it, deep down inside. I knew it, because she was FINALLY SETTLED ...

and

my theory is:

They can stop pretending. They can stop trying to be 'normal'. There is always somebody worse than them, and they know it, and so the pressure is 'off' to perform (so to spak) in an acceptable manner I guess (social graces haunt us to the grave!). No longer do they have to worry about what to eat, when to sleep, what to wear, those impossible choices are now handled for them .. what a relief !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Long may it reign .. for her sake AND yours !!

Hugs

 
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