left "in charge" - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

Martha H · 02-24-2007, 05:33 AM

Hello everyone,

My brother and sister in law have gone away on vacation for a week. The grandchild they usually mind is being cared for by others.

The NH has MY phone number as a contact person if anything happens to Mom. I am in northern Indiana, Mom is on Long Island, New York. I'm a little worried that Mom may get sick and no one will be there from the family ....

Well, the chances are that nothing will go wrong. Mom has been there a very long time and she doesn't usually miss having visitors .. a while ago it became clear that she doesn't know if my brother comes once a day or once a week. I know for sure that my brother needs the break! He's been going a couple of times a week, down from every day, for a year and 4 months. His son and daughter in law flew off on their vacation last night.

Now I'm going to worry every time the phone rings!!

Love,

Martha

LuvMyLilDoggie · 02-24-2007, 05:35 PM

Martha, do you have a phone # where you can call B if anything should come up? How long will they be gone? Please try not to worry too much (it's impossible not to worry at all given the circumstances-especially if you don't have a phone #).

Yes, your brother does need a break badly. But I tend to agree with you that he should have given you some notice so that you would have a choice whether to go to NY or stay at home.

Things must be pretty good with your mom at this point. I don't believe that B would have even considered going out of town if there were even a remote posibility of something happening to you mom.

Please try to relax, dear friend.

Love, Barb

Martha H · 02-24-2007, 05:44 PM

Just now they called and I now have the phone number where they are (California) .. also I found out that I forgot about his son's plans. He is on a business related trip to Hawaii and took his wife along! The fact that I forgot that scares me - am I getting AD too? HELP!

They will only be there for one week.

Love,

Martha

zonk · 02-25-2007, 03:09 AM

I find myself constantly forgetting what my children have told me about their schedule, plans etc.
I believe that this is because our brains only have a "finite" capacity for new information, and our brains prioritise
as my brain is now totally focused on my mum and her needs, and how to deal with her future ,her finances ,her health, her house, her belongings, when I am told information on other peoples plans, lifes etc I tend not to hold it in my memory unless it is VITALLY(where is the spell checker?) important
I dont have the capacity in my brain
I suspect thats whats happened with you Martha
Please do not fret that you forgot one thing that you were told.

I am sure we can all relate to being stressed when the phone rings

petal*pusher · 02-25-2007, 11:37 AM

Hmmmmm....first of all, huge applause for your brother who has accepted the majority of responsibility. Please do not think I am being sarcastic...that is not my intent, but from being in the same situation as your brother...he desperately needs that vacation! Believe me, he also worries every time the phone rings!

Nine years ago, my Mother was taken from near my home to a facility almost an hour away...because 3 brothers living there decided they would be able to visit daily. That lasted for about a year. Her only visits for several years have become my Friday night rituals. I realized early on that the responsibility would be very different for me and the other 5 siblings. Two had moved far away long ago; their participation would certainly not be the same as the rest of us....but honestly, I understood and held absolutely no ill feelings. What is...IS.

You are in the same situation as my sister. Her weekly phone calls to me are my lifeline in this horrific disease. I can discuss any "mom" or "brother" situation with her and she lends me a most comforting shoulder. Her guilty feelings of not being here to help caused the same helpless feelings as you are having. You Mother is in a safe environment...and being carefully watched. You will get a phone call if bruises appear, or sometimes even if little changes happen...but that is the caretakers job to keep you informed. I cannot say enough about how much I treasure the caretakers for my Mom!

Please do not let those guilty feelings of not being close effect each day for you! You ARE helping...the comfort your brother feels by knowing there is still a family connection to receive a call...the soft shoulder you offer to him when he needs it..............sending positive vibes your way...p