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2nd Time around

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Old 02-28-2007, 06:24 PM   #1
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: south whitley,IN,USA
Posts: 4
Lori-Lynn123 HB User
2nd Time around

Hello there its been along time since ive been here i am a caregiver to my mother, she is 77 years old i moved in with my parents in 2000 to care for my father he was diagnosed with dementia he was a good man and father he was a preacher and a true servant to the lord i went through alot taking care of him i was daddys little girl and proud to be the one to take care of him , the emotional strain almost destroyed me even though i have alot of good memories with him , i took good care of him it also took alot out of me i didnt know what to exspect whatever came my way i handled it and there was alot , now here i sit 4 years later and my mother has been diagnosed with alztimers , im gonna be a grandparent in 3 months and raising 3 teenage kids , im divorced , and my mother has been in pretty good health up until about 1 month ago , and ive been having all these feelings come rushing back to me and i guess the reality is setting in that my mom wont be around forever , she is in the 2nd stage of this disease , so i thought i would come back here and talk with other people going through the same thing it helped alot with my father thank u all for that , i geuss ive rambled on long enough for the first time thank u for reading , god bless to all Lori

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Old 03-01-2007, 05:25 AM   #2
Martha H
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Re: 2nd Time around

Dear Lori,

Don't panic. The second time around you will do the job better. You know what to expect, and you will already have ways of coping.

One of the things I found to be very important when I lived with Mom was never to argue with her or contradict her. Yes, she said all kinds of outrageous things, and yes, I spent over a year trying to convince her that those things were not really happening, incorrect, .. imagine trying to tell your mother, a figure of utmost repsect, that she is delusional.

Well eventually, thanks to the help I got on this Board, I began to say things like, "yes, that's right." or if I couldn't even go that far without feeling like a liar, I would say "Oh really? How interesting."

Much harder was persuading her to take a bath, limiting the amount of money she had on her (it was lost, often, I now think unscrupulous people just took more than was coming to them when she shopped and didn't know how to count out the right amount). I also learned to ask for help. When I was at my rope's end my brother took Mom for a weekend, or even a week, so I could recoup my strength.

Eventually a home health aide was needed, we did that from October 04 to June 05, and finally she wound up in a nursing home. Maybe a group home would be ideal for your Mom in a while, when she gets too diffuclt to manage at home, especially with teenagers in the house ..but one step at a time, one day at a time, and it will all work out.

Your strong faith will be your best assett.



Old 03-01-2007, 04:00 PM   #3
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: south whitley,IN,USA
Posts: 4
Lori-Lynn123 HB User
Re: 2nd Time around

Thank u Martha , yes i do feel that way at times to that it will be easier cause i know what's next so to speak , and i have gotten help way sooner than i did with my father i had home healthcare come in and help when she first got sick and was in hospital about a month ago she since then has gotten better and theyre last day was tues of this week so atleast shes stable and i know that i cant do it all on my own this time and when she gets worse i will have them come back i learned alot takin care of my dad that will be helpful takin care of mom , but the few episodes weve had u just cant never prepare urself i dont care what anyone says to realize ur raising ur mom or dad , i honestly thought i had talked myself that i could handle this again , now its here and i realized yep im just as messed up and filled with sadness that my mom is gonna die and if she lives long enough and the disease progresses she might not even know me and when shes gone ill have no more parents left i have 2 brothers and 3 sisters i used to be close to all but there lives my life have all changed and ive changed since my father died our family really fell apart everybody went on with there lives and i was here with mom and then got divorced and the missing of my father cause i couldnt just move on when he died like everyone else was able to and dealing with one of my daughters and her teenage antics because she herself was crying our for help and i was so consumed with my own grief and my life changing so much i just got it back together emotionally and now im goin 2nd time around i know that god is with me and will help me and not put on me more than i can handle even though sometimes it feels like i cant handle much more something else happens im sorry that this hasent made much since i guess i just needed to write, thanks again for listening and the reply ,,,

Old 03-13-2007, 08:22 AM   #4
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: south whitley,IN,USA
Posts: 4
Lori-Lynn123 HB User
Re: 2nd Time around

Hello all , well mom has to go to the dr tomorrow she has a tumor on her bladder that we have to go get checked out they found it while she was in hospital but they couldnt do anything about it cause she needed the blood thinner it was more important at the time , ive been reading post and trying to get new ideas for the 2nd time around , with my father we did a feeding tube because he was still in good shape when he needed it so we did now after reading post im not sure we should do that with mom when or if shell need it , i pray that she wont , ive been feeling depressed the last few days i guess i keep moving on and getting things done around the house i cant let this get to me the way i did with my dad , im scared , im worrying myself to death sometimes i think , i dont know how i will take it when i lose my mom everyone told me id fall apart with my dad and i was hell bent showing everyone i wouldnt that was a mistake cause i held it all in and that ended up backfiring on me and my whole life has changed because of it , i love my mom and i will do whatever it takes to keep her at home with me like my father was and i will take the best care i can give her i made a promise to her and my father that i will take care of them and keep them out of a nh i managed to do that with him other than 2 week stay he has to have because he needed a special medication that was gonna cost 700 bucks a day and we just couldnt afford that but i stayed with him at the nh almost everynite and i got to bring him home ,, as u can tell probably i havent gotten over losing my father but i am a little better than i was its been 4 years now and on one hand it seems like a lifetime ago and on the other it still hurts so much , and even though ive went through all that i have with him going through it with my mother seems so different at times , and i have problems remembering sometimes that moms mind isnt there like it used to be and i forgot about dad spitting his pills out till i noticed one day my mom does it to i felt stupid for not realizing that this disease changes everything in a person well i guess ive rambeled enough thanks for listening

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