hello everyone & I am so grateful to be able to talk here!
I just am feeling a bit overwhlemed and I need to try and clear my head.
I feel stuck at the moment and any insight from you would be appreciated.
this is what is happening.
mum is in 2 weeks of respite care at the moment so I have had 3 nights of full sleep (my god it was good!)
I applied for time off work while she was in respite and was refused as it is term time and they would not replace me ( I work at a college) Also I had 5 weeks off last year and 3 sick days this year due to mum being in hospital.
I will need another day off in 3 weeks and another in 4 weeks for mum to attend speicalists appointments 3 hours away from home.
the only other respite she can have this year is 2 weeks in october, again it is in term time and i cannot take time off work, i have already asked.
my boss rang me yesterday to see how I was going and I said " I am exahuasted and if I don't take some time off soon I will be unable to continue". I was so close to crying but I just held it together. I love this job but I am only here on trial.
In the last month I have had a lump in my breast ( turned out OK) my celiacs disease has flared up due to stress, my thyroid is enlarged (another auto immunie disease linked to stress). I am supposed to have more tests but I cannot take time off work. I have no leave left. I have to travel 2 hours to have the tests.
I have my own private business part time and I am stuggling to keep up with the work. It is reaching a risky point as I am behind on paperwork which is not good legally. I am about to have file subpoened and it is way behind. I am too tired to do a good job and I see myself making mistakes.
I have started paying a supervisor to try and help me stay well, work safely and not make mistakes. I signed a lease for 12 months and I cannot get out of it, I love this work but I am exhausted.
This business was my dream, I am not in profit as I am reluctant to take on more clients due to exhaustion. I have to pay out costs for the remainder of the lease. I can make enough to cover costs. I could easily build this to a full time profitable business if I had the time and energy.
some of my accounts are still waiting to be sent out from 2 months ago. My billing for this month is not even started. i have reports that are overdue, I am having troucble concentrating and don't want to make mistakes for legal risks.
work is very stressful at the moment even if I was feeling great.
i am just tyring to prioritise. If i get sick then the whole family goes down. I am the breadwinner.
One child just moved away and started college so we have those expenses. I had to borrow money to sort out Mums mess and when she was ill so I owe an extra 20,000 that I did not owe 5 months ago.
Mum is on the list for for a permanent hostel bed but it could be years. she is not a high priority. I am worried that I will get sick or depressed in the meantime. well meaning friends say "take time for yourself" great!! it just doesn't happen. Mum goes to day care while I work and I get home exahuasted and fall asleep on the lounge.
my mums sister rang and abused me again last night.
It was just the final straw. I am trying to sort out what I need to do next. I have GOT to get rest. but if I do get any time off I will not be paid and mum will have to come with me.
where do i begin?
I just can't think properly at the moment.
I have no support from family just my wonderful husband.
all advice is welcome. I just seem to be trying to keep my head above water and can never get to catch up on the backlog. I am even too tired to be upset.