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Old 03-20-2007, 11:12 AM   #1
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Life Gets Harder With Each Day

Hi all........I won't and simply can't go into all the problems I have each and every day because it is just a repeat of everyone else's day! I do have some questions that I would appreciate help with in dealing with my husbands behavior.

Nights of course are the worst, but now he wants to go home every night and gets soooooo angry with me because I won't take him. I try to explain very carefully to him that he is home, then he asks me when I am going to go home. I say the same with that question. Well last night he asked to go home and when I said he was home he slammed his foot on the floor and hit his knee with his open hand, then he smacked himself in the head so hard I thought it should have knocked him out. Thankfully he was sitting down. Then in a little while he announced that he lived next door and wanted to go there. My gosh, my poor neighbors would have a heart attack if someone came to their door in the evening hours. They are in their 80's and not well. I'm so affraid he will some day go out the door when I'm not looking. So far he has never roamed outside. He paces around in the house but never out the door.

He always says to me (and now to my daughter that lives with us) don't hit me, don't kick me again, don't poke my eye out, don't hurt me. What the heck is that all about???? Nobody has so much as laid a finger on him ever! Where does stuff like this come from?

We are on a waiting list for placement because I just can't deal with this any longer, it is affecting my health like you wouldn't believe. My grown children, I have four, have been urging me to do this for some time now and I guess I am ready to give in. I feel like I am not living up to my wedding vows but my kids say I need to take care of me a little to.

Thanks for listening, I didn't mean for this to be so darn long. Aren't you glad I didn't fill you all in about my day to day problems??? Ha Ha what a life!

Jan

 
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Old 03-20-2007, 01:56 PM   #2
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Re: Life Gets Harder With Each Day

It gets better - soon after he gets that placement he needs so badly. He is way beyond the stage where you can care for him at home. Especially saying things like "don't hit me again." This should be documented (write up each incident in a little notebook and date every entry) so that no one will ever accuse you of elder (or spousal) abuse, which has been known to happen.

I would try to get legal help to move him to the top of a list of one or another NH, even if he has to be moved again later.

Good luck - remember, once he is safe, being cared for 24/7 by professionals, you get your life back. Hold out until then. My prayers are with you. None of this has anything to do with marriage vows. By getting him into a safe place with professionals who know how to care for him, you are fulfilling your promise to do what is best for him.

Love,

Martha

 
Old 03-20-2007, 03:55 PM   #3
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Re: Life Gets Harder With Each Day

Thank you Martha. You are so knowledgable about all this and I really appreciate your comments. Life is really hard when all this is going on. I sometimes wonder if and when peace will come. I feel so bad for him and my kids too. I know they are really suffering with all this and it is really hard on them. Our grandchildren really don't know what in the world is wrong with Papa and it breaks my heart.

Thank you for your kind words.
Jan

 
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