My dad makes me feel guilty - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

UJG · 03-23-2007, 03:41 PM

I need to vent a little.

So this morning my dad was trying to watch TV and couldn't figure out that the screen took a couple seconds to "warm up." The screen stayed blank after hitting the power button on the remote because of this so he kept pushing it over and over without it coming on. He was actually turning it on and off over and over.

I walk up, and mind you I'm not a morning person and this all happened before I ate any breakfast or whatever, and he says to me with a hateful voice, "Who pays for this tv (we have cable), you or me?? I don't know what you do to this thing, but it never works, blah blah blah!"

So I say, "You not being able to figure out how to turn on the TV has nothing to do with who pays for it. Now try it again."

It came on of course but I had to tell him to wait (literally) 2 seconds before pushing the power again and turning it off. He didn't say anything. He walked away and put the water on for his coffee (which is very unusual for him to do these days). I go into the other room and the kettle starts whistling. I let it go for about 3 or 4 minutes hoping he'd turn it off and of course he didn't even though he was standing 10 feet from it. I went into the livingroom, brought his attention to the whistling pot, and he turned it off. He then poured a cup of coffee, walked away from that, and we went out for breakfast like we usually do.

I felt guilty for pointing out to him that he couldn't figure out how to turn on the TV, and then felt guilty for pointing out that he let the pot whistle for a few minutes. I'm so sick of tip-toeing around him, but when I check him on something I just feel guilty afterwards.

Thanks for listening.

petal*pusher · 03-24-2007, 10:52 AM

Hello again!

What I've noticed about all of these forums (I'm usually over in the "Osteoporosis" forum) is that everyone here surely understands what you are going thru...and are quick to offer a shoulder!

We had the same challenges with our Mother...finally we simply left the TV on all the time. This worked for quite a while until we noticed she paid no attention whether it was on or off. My opinion is that your Dad is somewhat aware...and must be scared...of the changes going on. I'm afraid I would react in much the same manner!

Soon after being put into an Alzhiemer's facility, Mom asked me what she was doing there. (Why ME....there are 6 of us?!?) I carefully skirted the issue for a few minutes, then when she pleaded with me, I told her the diagnosis. We cried together....then she asked me to bring her information. A quick stop to the Alzhiemer's Association nearby provided me with many pamplets to share with family members...and even one written especially for the diagnosed person. Against my brothers advice, I sat and read it with her. I know this would not work for everyone, but it did for Mom. She was STILL angry with me...(many times I drove the hour home crying after being punched, swore at, spit at...etc......but I had to tell myself this was NOT her fault.) Her challenges were more than mine...and she seemed to realize it.

Believe me...you Father is so glad you've taken time out of your life to be there with him!! I would be so proud of you if you were my son!......p