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Old 04-14-2007, 06:22 AM   #1
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so upsetting

Mum has been in a NH since Jan, and when I have visited she was happy to see me,thought I was her sister and then her brother...big sigh
she was prescribed anti anxiety meds about 5 weeks due to her first respite due to her constantly crying over things on the TV and other stuff(for lack of a better word)
one of her very last stays with me, I was leading her to the toilet, and I dissapeared around the corner (literally 2 feet away) and she started wailing
"where AM i? where AM I????
OK, then I got really scared.
NH 3 months on ...
phone call today from a nurse
Mums anti anxiety meds are less effective, nurse wishes to consult a doctor to up the meds dose or try something different..I agreed
during this 10 minute conversation I could hear in the background
my mum crying out "help me...please somebody help me"
The nurse said that mum does that constantely (sp)and is instantly reassured...upon leaving her 5-10 mins later she starts again...
"somebody please help me"
oh so familiar...in the last few months at home I witnessed the same distress
the ironic thing is that no one can help her, not me, not the doctors, not the NH
I wish her anxiety and pain to be gone but at the same time I know that this will only happen when her dementia advances further and I imagine that I know what that entails.
no questions really, unless some one is an expert on anti anxiety meds
just venting cause it truly breaks my heart....my poor mum...and there is nothing I can do. she is only 70.
Kind Regards,
Jo

 
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Old 04-14-2007, 06:57 AM   #2
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Re: so upsetting

Dear Jo, I am so sorry your Mom is so distressed. I wonder if they have tried an antidepressant? Perhaps it really is necessary to raise her dose of the anti anxiety medicine. It's so hard to see your loved one suffer and not know what to do. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Love,

Martha

Last edited by Martha H; 04-14-2007 at 06:57 AM.

 
Old 04-14-2007, 07:33 AM   #3
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Re: so upsetting

Jo-
The description of your Mother's behavior could well
have described my husband's a few months ago. An anti-
depressant (prozac) was started and the difference in his
demeanor is amazing.
You might ask if this would be a possibility for her.
Beatrice

 
Old 04-14-2007, 10:13 AM   #4
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Re: so upsetting

Zonk...aren't you glad there are others who know what you're feeling? Somehow sharing challenges here lessens the load. Finding out experiences that are so upsetting to both our loved ones and ourselves becomes the common thread weaving itself thru all our lives. So many here understand exactly what you're saying because of going thru it themselves...yet this disease can take so many different paths.

My mother often called me different names...I usually just answered anyway, and this brought her comfort. I believe she was very aware of the obvious changes at first, and was very scared of her behavior/speech. Please know you are on my mind...sending positive vibes your way........Pam

 
Old 04-15-2007, 05:31 AM   #5
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Re: so upsetting

I dont know much about drugs ie....anti anxiety verses anti depressive
she seems to be more anxious than depressed....well you would be anxious too in her state.
I am positively sure that I will be happy for them to give her what ever will help her peace of mind, I dont care about possible "addiction"
and I dont care about possible attitudes of sedating "them" to make it easier to care for them
I only care about her emotional and mental state...I want to keep her calm and not distressed
Pam, I am not too worried about mum not remembering the term "daughter"
well, I was, but I got over it
I have always humoured her, never ever corrected her, tried to make things pleasant during the last couple of years
my mum too was scared and still is and definitely monitored her behaviour when with me, tried to hide her confusion and detierioration (sp)..but I was not so easily deceived.
I just keep imagining her in an unfamiliar place pleading
....somebody help me...
as I said, she used to do that at my house, but I was always there, in an instant... during the day ..after hours 2.00 am 3.00 am 4.00 am... whenever
to calm her and reassure her
and now she relies on strangers
I am pretty sure that she is not suffering as I imagine her to be, I am fairly certain that she lives in the moment "about 10 seconds"
but we can never know unless we are afflicted by dementia and by the time we get to that point, we cannot communicate our fears, emotions etc
this is totally devastating
but "there by the grace of god" I am not on a cancer forum
warm regards,
Jo

 
Old 04-15-2007, 10:08 AM   #6
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Re: so upsetting

Jo.....your post brought tears to my eyes. You have more strength than you realize, my friend. At the beginning of Mom's disease, the caretakers paid attention to her 6 grown children visiting. At first, we were all involved, then it didn't take long for me to be the sole visitor. Early on, the caretakers took me aside and told me I was the "strong one" in my family. I cried as they wrapped their arms around me and I told them I did not want to be. There are 2 boys, 2 girls, then 2 more boys in our birth order; I am the oldest girl. Somehow, I always thought the oldest sibling would be the strength my family needed to get us thru this.

When you mentioned at the end of your post about being fortunate not to be on the cancer forum...tears appeared again. We lost our Father 30 years ago to cancer...and my husband has Leukemia. As horrific as cancer is on both the afflicted person and the family...this is such a different disease. It creeps quietly into our lives unannounced...making subtle changes that turn into raging giants...decides on its own whether to linger or ravage the victim completely . Watching a loved one struggle with any disease brings heartache. My personal experience with Alzheimer's has been the most difficult...perhaps because of having to see the slow decline and accept the very obvious changes...and of the challenge in diagnosing. I really miss my Mother...she left us long ago.

Again.......such caring shoulders seem to be here to soften the rough edges we all are facing..........Pam

Last edited by petal*pusher; 04-15-2007 at 10:10 AM.

 
Old 04-15-2007, 10:23 AM   #7
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Re: so upsetting

I have the exact same feelings. My Dad died of cancer in 1977. The only good thing I can say about that was that it went VERY fast. Mom --- well, she is already gone, although remnants of her remain. I have grieved so much over losing her, that I am almost expecting her death to be a relief ... which could be any time now.

Why do these terrible things happen to good people? Something the most brilliant scholars and the deepest spiritual people cannot really answer. It is good not to feel entirely alone in this position.

Love,

Martha

Last edited by Martha H; 04-15-2007 at 10:24 AM.

 
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Old 04-15-2007, 10:26 AM   #8
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Re: so upsetting

Martha...you and I look at this disease so much in the same way...such a good friend you have become here to so many.......Pam

 
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