Oh, my gosh, sounds like my husband. I am having a similar problem with my husband who is also in a VA home, 4 hours from me also.
He was put in a geri-psych hospital twice from an assisted living center before he went to the VA home. They drugged him up so bad then he could barely walk or talk. I was not happy. He had hit a resident then when he was trying to take his toothbrush.
He went into the VA home 3 months ago and they had a lot of problems with him the first few weeks. They were calling me all the time about something he did. One time they called me because he kissed another resident, and another time he got in bed with someone. I laughed about those. They also said he had swung at the aides.
He does wander all the time and goes into other rooms. He gets very agitated and becomes very angry if someone is forceful with him or he is spoken to rudely. He has always had a quick temper but never hit or bit before.
He finally calmed down and just last week the nurses commented how sweet and friendly he is. It wasn't a day later they called me and said they were sending him to a psych unit for 2 weeks in another city. He hit a resident and bit a nurse!
He has hit others before, including me, but never did bite! I was so upset but what can I do? I think this is fairly common in people with dementia to get combative. I have heard of people who have never been violent who become so with this disease.
They never restrained him at the VA though. I didn't think it was legal to do so. They would give him shots of sedatives to calm him down.
They may need to adjust his medications which is mainly why they send him to a geri- psych hospital. They also should try to figure out what triggers the behavior and try to distract him before anything happens. I do think the aides could be gentler sometimes.
Of course, I realize they can't watch him all the time and there isn't enough staff to do that anyway.
He has been at the geri-psych hospital for a week now and they said he is just fine. Ha! They do have one on one care there though.
I don't know what I would do if they kicked him out. I couldn't handle him at home anymore, the stress was just too much for me!
Hopefully he will get adjusted to it.
I know I couldn't really give you any answers but at least you know you aren't the only one with this problem.
I feel your frustration.