Mixed emotions - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

UJG · 09-21-2007, 08:36 AM

Hey everyone,

So, my dad was getting so bad with the paranoia and yelling at me that I took him to the doc and he was put on Risperdal. No yelling in the past week and a half or so since he was put on the medication, but it has turned him into an almost complete zombie. His level of need has risen and there is little doubt about whether it's right or wrong at this point to put him in a facility. I feel like I just forced him further into his fog and have mixed emotions about it. I am happy about not getting yelled at, of course, but at the same time just furthered his progression.

Anyway just needed to get that off my chest. I hope you all are doing well!

Jay

Martha H · 09-21-2007, 09:19 AM

Don't feel guilty. It is much better also for HIM not to be yelling and upset - he could cause himself a stroke! Being calm and foggy is better, at this point. No guilt! You are doing the very best you can, and I for one think the new medicine is a great idea.

love,

Martha

Gabriel · 09-21-2007, 10:55 AM

I truly do understand your feeings Jay. I am dealing with many of the same conflicting emotions. All you can do is the best you can at the time. My Dad has classic sundowner. His aggitation is limited to the evenings (not difficult to control)..... or initiated by Mom's actions (much harder to control). Mom is agressive and confrontational where Dad is normally happy but it is Dad that tends to get medicated. Dad would be happy at home and easily managed except Mom keeps something stired up all the time. So Dad had to leave his home where he was happy and is having trouble adjusting to the new assisted living arrangements. Mom on the other hand is enjoying the attention she is getting. Yet it is almost impossible to separate them because Dad, even in his fog, is so in love with Mom and his worse aggitation is when she is not around. Mom on the other hand seems to care less. She is just tired of putting up with him. I truly hate what is happening to Dad but what are the alternatives..... ::sigh:: My mind is so scrambled and I am so exhausted from the last year, trying to keep them at home, and the move, that I am letting my sister handle the ramification of the move for now.

Know there are no right decisions.... there is just doing the best you can as situations arise and keeping an open mind to all the possibilities in the future. Nothing is permenant..... except the fact that it will get worse.

Love, Deb

petal*pusher · 09-22-2007, 11:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DGabriel10

Know there are no right decisions.... there is just doing the best you can as situations arise and keeping an open mind to all the possibilities in the future. Nothing is permenant..... except the fact that it will get worse.

Oh Deb...this is the absolute truth! The effects of this horrendous disease takes its' toll on the loved ones as well as the victim.

UJG...You have put your entire life on hold to help your Father...bless your heart. WE can see how you're trying to cope...and, deep down, so can your Father.

I would cry on the hour drive home after placing my Mom in the Alzheimer's Home...the effects of the new meds bringing guilty feelings. It did take a few weeks to get the exact dose figured out...but the needed relief was worth the challenge.

Martha's right too...one CANNOT feel guilty. The actions we all take are because we want the absolute best for our loved one. Sending positive feelings your way.......Pam

UJG · 09-23-2007, 02:26 PM

Thanks Pam, Deb, and Martha. I got a call from a woman on Friday saying my name came up on a waiting list for some care giver funds. I think I'll use the money to place my dad in a memory care facility for a few days so I can fly back home to the east coast and relax. At the same time I'll get to feel out the process of placing my dad in a home. Who knows, after three days, he may already think of it as home and he can just stay. I have to take him in for an evaluation before anything.

We'll see, and I'll keep everyone posted. Thanks again for all of the encouragement. This online forum is great. I go to support group meetings sometimes but lately I have always seemed to be busy when they're happening. This forum is ALWAYS around!

Jay