Mom now in pain - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

Martha H · 09-24-2007, 12:18 PM

Until now my Mom has been blessed with a painless progression of her dementia and other health issues, except pain related to the broken hip two years ago.

Now she seems to be in pain all the time, and is getting injections. It is the fact that her muscles are so atrophied that there is no padding on her - the fat layer is gone too - so every time any part of her body touches anything, it hurts.

Soon she will be bedridden. This is just the next step on this downward slope. Oh how I just wish she could pass on peacefully in her sleep or sitting in her wheelchair outside, enjoying the trees and flowers ... lying in bed will be really awful for her.

My sister says she can't get to NY for health reasons, Who am I to judge her? It is obvious that she cannot stand to see Mom in this condition, so let her be. She'll come later, when it's all over. I have no need to be annoyed at her any more.

I never knew how long dying could take. Mom has not been responding to her heart meds since December, and has been steadily losing weight since April - how much longer???

Love,

Martha

LuvMyLilDoggie · 09-24-2007, 04:49 PM

Oh Martha, I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say.

I believe that God gives a special place in heaven to those who suffer like your dear mom. I also believe that when a person holds on for so long, they're holding on until they know that it's ok to go. With my grandma who also had dementia, I told her that it was ok to let go, that it hurt me to see her in so much pain and I knew she was waiting for me. I told her not to wait for me and that I knew she'd be watching over me from her special place in heaven. I told her how peaceful and serene heaven was and that I would see her again when I got there. Then I told her that I loved her. She died that night.

Is it possible your mom is holding on until she gets the ok from others? I think it is. You gave your blessing to her. And I'm sure Bill has done the same. It could be that she's waiting for Elsie. Your mom may need her to say it's ok to go. If Elsie can't get there, maybe she can do it on the phone. Your mom is fighting very hard and I think this may be why. She needs to know that it's ok. She needs everyone's blessing.

I know this may sound crazy but I really believe that by everyone giving your dear mom 'permission' to let go, it'll aleviate her fears and she'll feel more at peace and be more willing to let go.

You're in my prayers, dear friend. I'm saying very special prayers for your dear mom that God will lift her pain from her and bring her ever so gently to Him.

Love, Barb

Gabriel · 09-24-2007, 09:54 PM

I am truly sorry that your mom, you, and your family have to go through this Martha. Know my thoughts and prayers are with all of you. I agree with Barb. When you allow them to go it is good for all of you. I do hope you and your Mom are past the pain soon. Again... I will keep you and Barb both in my prayers.

Love, Deb

WannaBeFreeToRoam · 09-24-2007, 11:18 PM

Hello my old friend,

I am very sorry for you and your family, that your mom is in pain. Do you have hospice up there? If so, you should call them, Tuesday! They would really help your mom to not be in pain.

My dad just died on Tuesday of last week. We called Hospice on the Saturday before. As soon as they came, they gave him morphine for his pain. He was never in pain again. It was given to him in a solution that was absorbed in his mouth. No swallowing and no shots!

This is just my opinion. The day he died, his regular minister/preacher came and prayed with him and in the afternoon, the hospice chaplain came and gave him another prayer with my mom present. He died not too long after. We had all been telling him, that it was finally his chance to go home! He had been wanting to go home, for several months!!!

I hope that you are not too sad for your mom. Just be sad for yourself, because she will have gone home soon. It is ok to be out of pain, and out in her bed. You and your brother and possibly sis, can still talk to her and tell her that you love her and that she can go now. I know that the dying person can hear when we are talking to them.

I am so glad that you had a chance to go and visit with your mom, towards the end. My heart is with you. Take care.

Love, Wannabe

Martha H · 09-25-2007, 04:53 AM

Thanks for your good wishes, friends.

Yes, Mom has been told by all of us that it is OK to go, but I don't know if she remembers it.

Yes, Hospice is in charge of her case right in the NH. But thus far she has not received any morphine. She is scheduled for a doctor's exam today, and maybe that will change.

My condolences on the loss of your father, ToBeFree. He is now free!

Love,

Martha