| Re: stressed to the max
Sorry you are in this terrible position.
Take a few deep breaths and calm down. There is a solution to all these problems - it may not be the ideal scenario, but there are ways to get help.
First of all, please understand that your Mom's bad behavior, yelling and accusations are not the real her. The Dementia changes a person into someone who is 'an Imposter" of her true self. IF she knew how awful she was behaving, she would be appalled.
It's not her fault. Her world has come crashing down around her and she doesn't know what to do - she is scared, afraid, terrified, and angry. Who gets the blame - you guessed it - her husband (whose brain surgery left her 'all alone in a strange place' - and as a dementia victim her whole world revolves around HER, so she cannot have any empathy for him and his pain) and her daughter, who is also unable to make the confusion go away.
My Mom hated having home health aides in her apartment - but I had to go to work, someone had to be there. She was dangerous - left pots on the stove until eveything burnt up, etc.
Now fast forward to a couple of agonizing years later. She was hurt falling, broke a hip, did not recover, and HAD to go to a nursing home. She loved it. Strict routines, all decisions made for her, friendly staff, many interesting activities, bathed and fed and cared for like a baby (which she had become)..
There is an answer, whether home care (she will eventually accept it), or a group residence, assisted living where both parents could be together, or a traditional nursing home.
Don't say 'never!" because often it is the best solution for the patient. Mom was so much happier there than at home. Now she is in the last stage of life, close to death. I find myself speaking about her in the past tense.
God bless all caregivers.
Love,
Martha
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