ibake&pray

My father, who had an abdominal aortic aneurism plus vascular dementia (not serious), passed away on the 29th of Sept. He was in the locked AZ. ward with my mom who has fairly advanced AZ.

The last two weeks of his life, they had been able to be in the same room together. He was so delighted that they were together again as they had been married for 64 years. The burden of taking care of Mom and her disease had fallen on Dad's shoulders as I live on the East Coast and they are in Minn. and as the older generation is, they "didn't want to worry me." Dad never did figure out how to deal with Mom and how she acted as it claimed her mental powers and I ached to see him struggle to understand how his wife had slipped away from him, slowly but surely.

Dad passed Wednesday morning after he got dressed for breakfast. He sat down in his wheelchair, looking at my mother, who was still asleep, and he slipped away looking at his beloeved wife.

My mother looked for him in the unit....didn't ask, but she looked for him. Didn't eat much, just sat and looked.

I didn't take her to the funeral because that would have been for my benefit, not for hers. The weather wasn't good and I don't need her sick. After the service my husband and I went back to her NH and I told her that Daddy had passed and that we had had the funeral. She looked at me and told me to "get out." Then she sat and said "no, no,no." rocking back and forth and wringing her hands. The misery in her eyes almost did me in. I thought her guardian angels had insulated her pretty much, but she knew what I was telling her. I guess 64 years of marriage is hard to put aside even with dementia. She looked so miserable and sad it tore us apart as if losing your father isn't bad enough. We tucked he into bed with Daddy's blanket to keep her safe....

I don't know who I felt sorrier for....