Some good news.... - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

sunnydaze1 · 11-07-2007, 07:39 PM

Well, after many prayers

yesterday I had a real good heart to heart talk with mom in trying to convince her that AL is the right answer for her at this time. It has to have been one of the most difficult conversations I've ever had with her in my life, but I knew it had to be done..and so did she.

Took mom to an absolutely beautiful; well-reputed facility only a five minute ride from my home for a tour yesterday afternoon. The Administrator just so happens to be a member of our church...and there are many parishoners who are residents there as well so she will see some familiar faces. Everything happened so fast within a matter of hours, I don't know how it all came together and so smoothly.

The plan is to move her in this coming Wednesday, Nov. 14. The amount of relief I feel that has been lifted from my shoulders is indescribeable.

Mom is handling this very well and even though she and I have had some emotional moments with this whole situation, she assures me that she knows that it's time and she knows that this is the best solution.

I plan on taking her to lunch on Tuesday after her medical evaluation and stress that now we can spend more quality time as mother and daughter instead of "me, the caretaker; housekeeper; etc."

I want to thank you all for your support, and it's so good to know that there are others out there just like me who only want to keep their mom and dad safe above everything else.

The next few weeks will surely be emotional as mom adjusts, but I know she'll adapt. I've told her how proud I am of her courage, and she told me how proud she is of me to have been able to handle this, with her, for so long.

My mom may have dementia, but she will always have me close to her heart.

I'll keep you posted.

Dingoes · 11-07-2007, 10:02 PM

Sunnydaze, that's great that your mom understands this is best for her situation right now. I'll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers that this works out well for both of you.

Gabriel · 11-08-2007, 12:53 AM

WOW Sunny, I am so proud of you and your Mom and pleased at the results. That took a ton of courage on your part and I am glad your Mom was understanding and cooperative. It is so amazing how quickly it can happen. It was only 10 days from the time the sitter left until we have Mom and Dad in a great facility. If your Mom understands the necessity of this move she will adjust quickly. We gave Mom 30 days to decide if she liked it. After 2 weeks she told us they would not be going back home. This from the lady that refued Assisted Living for 18 months like we were sending her to Siberia. Now Mom acts as if we have gaven her back her independence and she no longer feels she is a burden on her girls. I feel like I can be myself now and truly enjoy my parents.

I am sure your sense of relief is over whelming. I remember it well. Now you can enjoy your time with your Mom and have time for yourself as well. And you will know that she is safe and well cared for. What a good day for you both.

My thoughts and prayers go with you and your mom. I hope it is an easy transition for you both.

Love, Deb

sunnydaze1 · 11-08-2007, 03:40 PM

Thank you both for such kind comments.

Today, I had to tell mom that next Wednesday will be the day she moves. She just about fell apart and doesn't understand what it is that's she is doing that is so wrong.

This is just such a difficult time for her and I wish I could take the pain away. Sad thing is that in just the two days since I've seen her, she's declined even more with confusion and personal care.

Nov. 14th can't comes soon enough. My brother and I will be the ones to take her to her new home, so I think having both of us with her will help.

I'll stay in touch.

Gabriel · 11-08-2007, 09:16 PM

I am sorry that you did not have a good day today. Just keep reassuring your Mom that she is not doing anything wrong. That this is just the best solution for everybody involved including her, you, and your brother and give her all the benefits she will receive.

My Mom latched on to the idea that it gave her back her independence. She liked the idea that she would not have to cook, clean, do laundry, and all those chores that she didn't want to (couldn't) do any more.... and we didn't have to do if for her. We assured Mom that when she needed anything it would be right there. We would not have to worry about her and Dad and she liked that idea. We also talked about all the fun things they would be doing. They take monthly trips, have happy hour and activities several times a day, the food is excellent, and she no longer has to worry about medication.

Change is stressful especially with someone that has a difficult time grasping what is happening. Just keep reinforcing the positive and minimizing the negatives. Give her the benefits and again.... keep assuring her that it is not what she is doing wrong. It is all about what is best for everybody.

Good luck and please do keep us updated. Know I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.....

Love, Deb