Checking in after quite a few months - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

needtoescape · 11-07-2007, 09:15 PM

Hello all,
I haven't been here in quite a few months, but I see names on the message list that I know. For those who don't know me, my 59 year old husband (on disability retirement for other health reasons) is showing signs of early-onset, but not enough for diagnosis at this point. I freaked in the beginning when he had confusion episodes (couldn't write a check, etc.), but I am pretty calm about it now. I guess that's why I got away from the message board for a while. I know I will be back regularly when he is further along (if that happens).

Our yearly visit to the neurologist is coming up in December. Last year, he/I and the neurologist decided there wasn't enough change to repeat the neuropsych tests done in 2005. This year, I don't know what I think. In 2005 when this all started, and in 2006, I had lists of incidents throughout the year. This year, I have a few notes jotted in my calendar on the day of the dr. visit. It's not that things have improved that much, it's just that I don't take the lapses so seriously. It is becoming habit to supply the missing word or explain something that isn't making sense to him. I think he is "covering" some now; in the beginning he openly acknowledged that he couldn't remember. I will be saying something that I think he will remember - and he'll respond "Oh, yeah" as if he does remember - but sometimes I get the idea that he really didn't and is just pretending. He has had a few confusion episodes that were serious in terms of potential danger because they involved driving (turning the wrong way onto a one-way street; seeing 3 lanes of traffic about a block away headed his direction, me telling him 3 times - "you can't turn there! it's one way! before it sank in... When discussing it later he said "I knew that was where I needed to turn; I just couldn't figure out why they (the oncoming traffic) were in the way". He also has missed stop signs on several occasions when I was with him and he was looking for something; he doesn't "multi-task" as well. And finally, when he turns his head to look at something, he finds himself veering into another lane... He used to be bad about very aggressive driving and road rage. He has made some significant improvement in that area - and is driving close to the speed limit. I honestly think it's because he recognizes that his driving skills are not the same as they were - and he can't afford to be driving at excessive speeds. He's making an effort to keep his eye's on the road to avoid the lane veering.

I know I will have umpteen of you tell me he shouldn't be driving. I will talk to the neurologist and explain what I've observed and hope that he will provide input. In most cases, he is safer now than he was before - because he has reduced his speed/aggressiveness. And the symptoms are at such an early point that friends/family still don't notice. I know that doesn't change the fact that he could cause an accident. It's just hard to consider a 59 year old man not driving when most people can't even tell there's a problem. Most of the time, he drives just fine. I really doubt he is any more dangerous than new inexperienced teenage drivers or the typical elderly driver who hasn't had enough "fender benders" for someone to realize they are no longer safe. I know that's not a good excuse for not dealing with the problem..

So, that's my update. Not a lot of change this year. Since he doesn't work and I do the financial paperwork, things are going along ok - other than the driving issue which I'll discuss with the neurologist. His heart problems prevent us getting long-term care insurance for him. We have living wills and durable healthcare POA's.

I am saying a prayer for you all. Hugs, N2E

P.S. Please remember to make an effort to take care of YOU - to take at least a few minutes every day to breath deep and meditate on something that will ease your stress for at least a moment. You have to breath... try practicing deep, slow breathing if you never have. It's something simple that can actually help. You also have to spend a few minutes a day in the bathroom; maybe you can close your eyes and picture a flower meadow or the ocean or imagine God's arms (or your loved one when they were themselves) wrapped around you. You may not have time to go get out of the house - but try to at least nuture yourself in some way. You are not taking anything away from anyone else - you are helping to strengthen yourself so you can continue to give. Just my .02

Martha H · 11-08-2007, 05:03 AM

Dear N2E,

I won't tell you to take away his driving privileges since you already know that. Let the doctor decide. Make sure you write down the road incidents with traffic direction and so forth, and give it to the doctor. Then the decision won't be in your hands.

Thanks for the update. I am happy that you are dealing with the problem so much better.

Good luck!

Love,

Martha

needtoescape · 11-08-2007, 09:21 PM

Thanks Martha. I am grateful to you and the others that helped me through that initial panic (that lasted a long time, haha). The members of this board are such a blessing. I will let you know how the yearly visit goes and whether they test again, and what the doc. says re: the driving issue. The visit is in December - so it maybe be Jan/Feb. before the neuropsych tests are re-run (if he orders them).

N2E

cyt · 11-09-2007, 07:41 PM

I check in from time to time and wondered why I hadn't seen you post recently. It's funny how we get used to our spouses memory problems, isn't it? At first I was really down about it too, but now I just take it in stride. The part that is hard for me to handle is his mood swings. He is 59 as well, and this has been noticible to me for a couple of years with his memory problems and personality changes. It's still not easy by a long shot, but I guess I just somehow have gotten used to it. We'll see what develops as time goes by. I hope you all get a good report and it will be a slow change for your husband. Take care and glad to see you post. C

needtoescape · 11-10-2007, 08:34 AM

Cyt,
Is your husband on meds that might help with the mood swings? My hubby's psychiatrist has him on several meds - but it seemed to improve the most when they added Neurotin.

I had forgotten that your husband was the same age as mine. I'm glad you are taking it in stride. I know that it is up and down though - as one day I'm taking it in stride, but then a new incident of confusion can throw me back into panic for a little while.

I am almost embarrased to share this (because it's a bit of an extravagance), but we are having an in-ground pool installed. I love to swim and it's one exercise that I don't have to force myself to do. Hubby likes the water too and I am looking forward to next summer being able to have a lot of relaxing time together at home. Vacations away were becoming too stressful because hubby just couldn't handle various aspects. So I am creating a backyard paradise for vacations at home. He is a bit stressed about the money - but I see no reason to hoard money when it may all go to healthcare in the future. I am hoping it will help us both get healthier as we both need to exercise and lose weight. And I look forward to friends & family coming over and relaxing with us. I decided that even spending retirement savings would be worth it. I guess I need to change my log-on from needtoescape to escapingtothebackyard. I don't care if it means I work till I'm 72. Life is too unpredictable to put all the effort on the future and not find ways to enjoy it right now. My new perspective.

bye for now. E2BackYard