Can an elderly patient with Alzheimers give up? - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

montymoon · 04-07-2008, 10:03 AM

I've got an elderly mom who is fairly healthy other than her alzheimers, she's 89 and in a care facility. Lately she has been pocketing more and refusing food. I know her AD is progressing, she talks alot of nonesense now. But does she have the awareness to give up? I'm thinking that might be why she is refusing the eat.

Also, this is a horrid disease and I feel so guilty when I wish she would pass on. Thats a terrible thing to admit I know but I am just so tired of being upbeat all the time....

Martha H · 04-07-2008, 10:16 AM

My Mom passed away from this disease only 3.5 months ago. She had no appetite for the last few months and it was hard to get her to eat. BUT she was not purposely giving up on life. It was the disease. The time comes when they cannot process food, or even medications. In our case it began a year before she actually died. She was 99. I am sorry you have to go through all this.

We all hope and pray a cure is found before we get that old - if only so that our children will not have to suffer as we did. I lived with my mom for 5 years of this illness, and it was terrible.

Good luck

Martha

Gabriel · 04-07-2008, 10:41 AM

Martha is absolutely right. There is a point when your loved one stops processing food and has no interest in eating because of it. This is not what you Mom wishes but just another cruel phase of this horrible disease.

As for your thoughts..... there is nothing wrong with wishes for an end to your Mom's suffering. It is not a selfish thought to feel guilty about. Life is about quality not quantity. You Mom has lived her good life. Now she is a host for a horrible disease that has taken her away from you already. I truly believe it is humane to wish for the end of suffering that we know will finally take our loved ones away. I know I will face this one day with both of my parents. I appreciate those here that have given me a glimpse of what I have to face so I can ready myself.

Welcome to the forum. There are great people here who have been where you are. Venting to those that understand is always uplifting. I have found great advice from those that have been there before me that has helped me understand what I am facing before I get there. I hope you find the same here.

I will keep you and your Mom in my thoughts and prayers.....

Love, deb

ibake&pray · 04-07-2008, 12:49 PM

Please don't feel guilty. It is hard to put a smile on your face as you watch the person who gave you life slowly have the life drain our of hers. I lost my Mom to this dreaded disease last November first. She just gave up on Friday night and died the following Thursday evening.

I don't think that it is a conscience decision that they make, but I do think that their body does make the decision that it has had enough. Some are lucky enough to go quickly. Others go slowly, like Martha's Mom. You don't get to chose, unfortunately.

I hope that your Mom doesn't chose to linger long nor suffer. You may let yourself be free of guilt. You have every right to hope that your Mom doesn't suffer and dies quickly. There is not one damn thing wrong with that. In fact, it would be a blessing to you and your Mom. Don't feel guilt over that! There are other things in this world that you can feel guilty about, but not that.
blessings to you and your mom....

DrewsG · 04-08-2008, 09:34 AM

My Grandma was 97 when she passed. I prayed everyday for an end to her suffering. This disease took her slowly. When you love someone you want their suffering to end. Gram finally could not eat, see, or process sounds. She only called for her Mom.

Now I'm watching Mom go through the same thing, slowly. I pray that before my sweet Mother can only cry for her Mom that she passes quickly. Don't feel guilty about wanting your Moms suffering to end.

All of us here understand. We truly do.
Chris