Martha H

Sorry you and your kids had that awful scare.

I am sure that a large amount of my gray hair traces right back to Mom doing the disappearing act, several times. In our case, the first 'lost' episode was followed very quickly by two or three more. And there were quite a few I wasn't aware of until neighbors told me they had seen Mom in a different street trying to open the outside door of a different apartment building, but two blocks from our home.

For a while we blamed it on her failing eyesight, but finally I knew that she just couldn't remember how to get home. Once she got home about 4 hours late. She had left the senior center and gotten on the right bus. Then her trail ends. When she finally reappeared (all on her own!) she had been walking up and down the neighborhood streets, never recognizing a single landmark. Later she told me, "I went right past this car dealership" and "This is where I sat down on the stoop to rest", and every one of those places was a stone's throw from the right house, but at the time she didn't know it.
Finally she was thirsty, so she went into a tavern and asked for water. The bartender, bless his heart, asked her where she lived, and after she drank the water, called a cab. Mom knew her address, thank God - she just couldn't find it! The taxi brought her home. It was 2 blocks from the house.

My sister said she must have been dehydrated, and I should see to it that she always carried a bottle of water with her. In her opinion, it was NOT Dementia. Mom was just barely able to walk without a cane (which she hated) and refused to carry water. Carrying the inevitable old lady shopping bag with her handbag 'hidden' inside to avoid thieves was all she could manage. This bag is carried by every old lady in New York City and maybe in other places. Now and then I cleaned it out, removing a year's supply of used tissues, small change, several nail files, etc. Often she had her whole bagful of 'stuff' but no money. Often she left the upstairds door (to the apartment) unlocked. Nothing was ever stolen. I guess there wasn't anything worth stealing!

Shortly after the third runaway act we got Mom the Home Health Aide to go with her anywhere she wanted to go. It was an expensive solution, we thought - until she needed a nursing home and we found out what expensive really is!

She would have gone 'a wandering' at night too, if she did not have to walk through my bedroom to get to the front door. I am a light sleeper. Not much sleep for several years! So I always intercepted her and used the cocoa trick. You want to go out ? (in pajamas and night robe?) OK, I'll go with you. (even though I have to be on the 5:30 bus to get to my job at the day care center on time...) But let's sit down and have a nice cup of hot cocoa first. Result: after the cocoa Mom feels sleepy. "Time for bed!" Good night.

Oh yes, the happy wanderer. Many hours of worry and fear. God bless all workers at Nursing Homes who finally gave us peace of mind.

Love,

Martha