Neighbour driving us crazy - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

twokatss · 04-09-2008, 12:19 PM

We have been very helpful to our neighbour, regarding snow removal, rides to appt. ect....Lately she has been spying on what we are doing. She is 80....

When we shovel or are outside at all, she comes out in her pj's and pretends to sweep the porch but all the while watching what we do. We think she thinks , we are doing something to her property.
We share a chain link fence between properties. Yesterday I was hanging a bird feeder on the fence and she told me to take it down, that it would create to much of a mess. She has 2 in her yard already. I obliged and took it down. Then I was putting some lawn ornaments out and she yelled at me about putting it on the fence. She doesn't want it on the fence. This particular thing has been on the fence every year for years.

Can this be sign of dementia or Alzheimers? She has been very ugly with us.......We can't tolerrate this anymore and we are afraid we will "blow up" at her even though we know it could be senility or something....

any advice ...thnkyou..

Gabriel · 04-09-2008, 12:45 PM

You are probably right in your assessment. This kind of uncharacteristic behavior can definitely be a sign of dementia. I wonder if her family knows this is occuring. Does she have family that you can talk to? They may not be aware that this is happening.

My Mom and Dad lived in the same house for over 54 years. Some of her neighbors lived there just about as long as they did. One day Mom became angry at her next door neighbor for putting yard debris out. The neighbor was putting it where the city told her too. I found out later that Mom was walking by the neighbor's yard several times a day and throwing trash into that their yard. Later she got into a yelling match with the neighbor. This was very out of character for Mom and the first the neighbor's knew of her dementia. When I talked to the neighbor and they realized what was happening they were very understanding. I would suggest that you find a family member and talk to them before it goes to far.

Good luck. It's better to be proactive than to let the situation get out of control.

Love, deb

ibake&pray · 04-09-2008, 01:12 PM

Just because your neighbor has started to exhibit some signs of odd behavior, i doubt that it is Alzheimers. She may be getting senile, or just plain old and crotchty. Sometimes they just don't like change as they get older. She may be lonely...... but then, if it is a form of demenia does she have family that looks after her? How does she seem other than that? Is she cognizant of the month, year? Does she keep current on going ons? Does she get about without getting lost? Can she make calls without help, use a remote? All these things would indicate if she is failing or not.....Who would take care of her if she needs help? who has her POA?

Beginning · 04-09-2008, 01:34 PM

Ibake&pray asked good questions. What does her own yard look like? It might be hard to distinguish between a yard that isn't maintained because the Owner is 80, and one that isn't maintained because the Owner doesn't see a problem with garbage, etc. If her nightgown is totally inappropriate and you told her to get inside where it's warm, would she understand you? Does she wear inappropriate clothes at other times? If so, DGabriel's suggestion about trying to talk to her family is great.

When I read your posting, I got the impression that she's really, really lonely not that she was watching you to find fault. I once lived next to a little boy who was very lonely, and I couldn't go out in my yard (even to get my mail) without this kid coming out and staring at me, waiting for me to play with him. I love kids, but this was just too much. Your situation sounds familiar as a neighbor issue that will eventually resolve itself. (At 80, she's unlikely to make it through a lot of winters. I had a teenager to look forward to with little bug-eyed Jimmy.) I suspect you wrote your posting when she had just done something to irritate you!!

I wondered whose fence it was? Although you share it, it either belongs to you or it belongs to her unless the two of you paid to have it put up. If it belongs to her, she's entitled to tell you to stop doing stuff with it even if you've been allowed to put decorations on it previously. If its your fence, of course, then you can do whatever you want as long as it's not violating any code or creating a nuisance.

Her crankiness about the bird feeder is absolutely something my Mom would have done. By putting the feeder on the fence, you're inviting birds to perch on the fence and start leaving droppings....and if they perch facing your nice bird feeder, the droppings will be all over your neighbor's side of the fence. But what do I know...I have cats....

Martha H · 04-09-2008, 02:39 PM

It sounds to me like a type of dementia. Senile is only an old word for dementia. Every old person doesn't get it, but many do. If her behavior out in the yard is bizarre, I wonder how her house looks inside. Is she eating spoiled food, is she keeping her books (check book) in order, is she taking care of her mail. My Mom was throwing out important bills, keeping junk, throwing out fresh foods, keeping old mouldy stuff.

If you have any contact with her children or other relatives, now is the time to expess your concern. Not that she annoys you, but that you are very concerned about her.

Since you have driven her to appointments, you may know who her doctor is. If so, he or she cannot give you any information, but if you tell the doctor's practice what you are seeing, THEY can call her next of kin, whch they must know.

Good luck. I thank you for being caring, concerned neighbors, even if you do feel justifiably annoyed!

Martha