moms incomptent - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

craftlady · 04-15-2008, 06:36 PM

Moms doc has finaly decided that she is incomptent. He is sending me the letter so I can go to Social Services with it. Over the last month now she has got so bad its scary. Not taking her meds, not eating proper(she only weighs 73lbs now), not giving her dog its meds proper. She doesnt understant what you try to tell her. She hears something totaly differant than want is said. Throws temper tantrums like a 2 yr old. Cant remember something that is said to her 5 minutes later. Gets confused about everything. Her doc told me that it was his understanding that she was living with me. Yet I have told him that that arrangement didnt work and IF he would look in her medical file he would see that the numberus times she has fallen and sent to the ER it states that she lives ALONE. I also asked him why he hasnt been concerned about her weight. That question he blew off, just like all the other things he blew off before.
Yesterday was really scary. She was so confused and upset that she was going to jump out of my moving car. I called and told them all about yesterdays behaviors. And that I had contacted Social Services today because of all of this. They told me to tell him that they need to stop blowing me off and do something so she will be safe.
Now I dont know whats going to happen, I do have a POA, so thats in place. I just dont know whats going to happen after Social Service gets the incomtency letter. He is going to state that she isnt taking her meds, is confused, not able to take care of herself anymore and needs 24 hr supervision.
Does anyone know what might happen next?

Martha H · 04-15-2008, 07:22 PM

Sorry you are going through this crisis, Craftlady.

Try not to worry. The person from social services will come to see your Mom and her home (you should be there for that) and will assess the situation. These people are social workers. They have lists of nursing homes, assisted living homes, etc, so they will be able to advise you what your mother needs. Maybe all she needs is a home health aide to come and be with her during the day, maybe she needs someone around the clock, or has to go to a facility.

Whatever happens it will be better than living alone and you worrying yourself sick about her.

Good luck!

You and your Mom will be in my prayers,

love,

Martha

Janie5301 · 04-16-2008, 09:25 AM

Hi....I'm new to this site but not to the disease. My husband was diagnosed about 4 1/2 yrs ago at the age of 52 and is now in stage 6. He also collects SSI disability which doesn't quite cover his caregivers fee. I'm 53 and work full time and our wish is to keep him home until the end. I have caregivers with him during the day while I work and this seems to work out fine. Has your Mom been seen by a neurologist or been tested for dementia? When we went to file for SSI I had all the results of his testing, note from a neurologist and all the social worker had to do was take one look at my husband and they knew it was real. He was accepted and we started receiving checks in about 3 months I think. It sounds like your Mom just needs someone to care for her whether it's at home or in a faclility. Quite frankly, the facilities are expensive and it was our families decision to keep my husband home until we could no longer do so. I've also heard that it's not unusual to be denied the first time you try to get SSI so just hang in there. There are also attorneys out there that do this kind of work, but I didn't need one because I had all the paperwork together before I went. Good deal on the POA as this does help, and I would definitely look for a different doctor to help diagnose your Mom.

Good luck...
Janie

craftlady · 04-17-2008, 08:17 AM

She has been to a nuro. Her regular doc had put her on aricept, the nuro uped to dose, then when she went back to her reg. doc he wanted her on something else. Im not sure what the name of it was, it came in a starter pack and she wasnt able to understand how to take that either. So now she not on anything for memory problems. At one time they called her problem alzheimes then dementia now its memory issues. She wont go to the nuro again. She says that she doesnt have a problem at all so why should she.
I really dont know how this is all going to pan out.

I wish I had more family that could help me with this, Im her only daughter. I have 2 kids, one is 25 and lives 8 hrs from us and the other is 19 and is starting collage in a few days. Moms whole family lives in Spain, and my dads side live in another state and we dont have much contact except for letters at Christmas.
I know there are others like me out there, it just that I feel so alone.

ibake&pray · 04-17-2008, 08:52 AM

Craftlady-

I went through what you are going through. I am an only child. I have two young adult children. My folks just passed this fall-and lived in the Cities. I grew up in South Minneapolis. My mom has only 1 sister left who has a diabetic husband so she couldn't help-and they live in Fargo. My dad's dysfunctional family are spread from Thief River to Forks to the Cities and all about and they barely keep in touch with each other. Unless it involves moving someone so they can take part of their belonglings.....

It's a rough path to walk. but there are other people who have done it and we are here to help. There are several good NH in the Cities. Where in Minn. does your Mom live, and where are you? You are going to have to start looking for a place for your mom to live. It's hard, but you can do it. You HAVE to do it because your Mom needs you to do it.