I lost my dear mother in law last month to this horrible disease! - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

cindyx4 · 04-25-2008, 06:56 PM

I'm glad to see this board. My mother in law was diagnosed 5 years ago with ALZ. Only in the last year has she really declined and she declined quickly. We placed her in a nursing home in October of last year. At that point she was still talking, eating, knew me and a lot of people around her. She could carry on a conversation up until a few weeks before she died. About 6 weeks before her death we were told that she had lost 21 pounds in a month. We knew then that the end was near. I went to the nursing home a lot to try to encourage her to eat. You see, I knew she was going to die. I knew she was miserable being like she was but I felt selfish. I didn't want her to die. I wasn't ready for her to die.

My father in law and myself were the main supports for my MIL. We did everything for her. My FIL was/is not the greatest person in the world. He has no manners, says what he thinks, and not capable of love. I put up with him for my MIL sake. I wanted her to have the best. I loved her so dearly.

A few weeks before she died I told her I loved her and she looked at me and said "if you only knew how much I love you". The end came so quick. One day she was breathing comfortably and the next she was rattling. We all gathered by her side for the enevitable. I remember sitting next to her bed with my head resting on her bed and her hand on my face just sobbing. My husband, brother in law, sister in law and father in law all had left to run errands. The hospice nurse was there but that was all. It was a very calm death. Her breathing just gradually started slwoing down and we all gathered by her bed and held on to her. I placed my hand over her heart. I wanted to be sure I could be with her, I could feel when her heart stopped beating. To this day I don't know why I did that.

I hate this disease. I hate that others have to go through the pain and turmoil that my family and my MIL went through. It's not fair that she was taken from us. I cry so often over this. I just can't get through my head that she is gone. Everyone else around me says "she's in a better place"; "she didn't want to live like this". I know that in my head but in my heart it is breaking. I just don't know how to get over her death. I don't know how to look at her flower bed and not sobb, or go through her things and not let it kill me.

Thank you ahead of time if you've read this. I think it is therapeutic for me to write my feelings down. I've sobbed through this whole post. I know you guys know how I'm feeling.

Blessings,

Cindy

petal*pusher · 04-25-2008, 07:55 PM

Cindy...I'm so sorry for your loss. This disease robs each of us of our loved ones.

My MIL passed away just 2 days before this last Christmas. I was on my way to see my own Mom (who is in the 10th year at an Alz. facility...an hour away) when my husband called to tell me. She had lost a large amount of weight also...her little body just seemed to shut down...she weighed only a little more than 60 lbs. I feel so bad that no family member was there when she passed away...there are 3 sons and another DIL...and I had stayed quite a while with her the evening before...but only a compassionate caretaker was by her side.

Cindy...your MIL was very aware of your love for her...bless you, bless you for being there for her. I understand what you're saying about your FIL also. My FIL has also been in an Alz. facility...for almost 3 years now. He's a real challenge for the caretakers.....US too!

Those who gather here DO know the feelings you're going thru....most of us have been where you are and understand. I'm so glad you've shared this with us. Writing is excellent for you........and reading other's challenges is often helpful to others here. Sending prayers your way.......Pam

skimps46 · 04-25-2008, 09:58 PM

Oh my dear...I am so sorry for your loss. Those of us here on this thread know how horrible the disease process is, how incredibly heartbreaking it is to lose our loved ones...and how amazing people like you are to be there, holding her and helping her make the transition.

My heart goes out to you and your family. You will once again look at her flower bed and not sob, but for now, go ahead and sob. And remember, you are crying out of loss, sadness, and JOY - that you had her for so long, and that she loved those flowers so much.

Love...
deb

Martha H · 04-26-2008, 05:22 AM

Dear Cindy,

I too lost my mother to this horrible disease on December 29, 2007. She also lost weight and faded away, and died of some kind of lung infection. Losing her was like a major light going out in my life. I still think of things I want to tell her - and then remember she is gone.

You have my sincere sympathy.

Love,

Martha

ibake&pray · 04-26-2008, 09:08 AM

Cindy,
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother the first of Nov. last year to this horrid disease. I lost my dad five weeks before Mom to an anuerism. We sat with Momma the last three days before she died, and could feel her guardian angels waiting to take her home so she could be with daddy and the rest of her family.

It's not easy and it's a struggle, but time does help and it will get better as the days move on. Come and be a part of our group. We have all either gone through it or are living it now. Those of us who have lived the nightmre try to help those who are expieriencing it. We offer you a shoulder to cry on and a and to hold and a cyber hug.

my sympathy to you and your family.