So mean - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

craftlady · 05-15-2008, 07:30 AM

Mom has been at my house since monday. I dont know if this is going to work. She get mean. We know its just the dementia, yet knowing that doesnt seem to help me or my family.
We are afaid of her to a point. All 3 of us have caught her asleep with a cigerette in her hand. When we take it away she kinda wakes up and says she wasnt sleeping. We cant joke around with each other because she takes it wrong and starts to yell and scream that we shouldnt talk like that.
Theres just so much. Her behaivoir is awfull, its almost too much to deal with.

Gabriel · 05-15-2008, 08:08 AM

This is what you can expect Craft. It is the disease and your Mom can not control how she acts because she is responding to her reality which is created by her mind. It might get a little better as she settles in but it is what it is and you have to understand that it will probably get worse instead of better as the disease progresses.

The smoking is extremely dangerous. She does not have the cognitive ability to do it unsupervised, as you have seen.

What happened with the appointment to the memory center? She truly needs cognitive testing and a a proper diagnosis so you can get proper placement. She has a disease that is a danger to you and her.

Hope today is better than yesterday.

Love, Deb

ibake&pray · 05-15-2008, 10:03 AM

Oh CL,

I am sooo sorry. This is so hard. She has lost her ability to realise that you are teasing. She can't tell the difference between a joke and a serious comment. And unfortunately it will only get worse.

What worries me is the smoking. You might find her and the chair and rug on fire at this rate! You can't let her smoke! But it isn't something that will be easy to say no to.

I think that it is time to find AL or NH for Mom. You can't let her mood swings upset the family and you. As much as she means to you and the family, this disease can't scar the family emotionally. It's not your mom that's doing it, and she doesn't know that she is changing-in fact, she is probably wondering why you have gotten so crabby since she moved in! She certainly didn't raise you this way! You said it..Her behavior is too much to deal with. She needs to be where there are paid professionals who can handle it. Please consider it before she emotional scars the family...

hang in there. Let's hope there is a good day. It will take me a day to get back so we can have CHEERS...you need to hang on!

petal*pusher · 05-15-2008, 03:49 PM

Absolutely everything about this horrific disease brings unwanted challenges.

Having been here a while...and surviving thru 3 loved ones afflicted with Alzheimer's (MIL passed away just before Christmas, FIL in a facility 3 years, and my own Mother starting her 10th year in a facility), I've noticed how many try so valiantly to accept the entire responsibility of their loved one on their own shoulders. Bless them, bless them!

The cruel reality of the unyielding progression of Alzheimer's however, will eventually affect us all...but our loved ones will suffer most. In the beginning, they are somewhat aware of the changes going on in their behavior...and they are scared. The progression is so different for them all...but they ALL are on a path that leads to the same results.

I remember the guilty feelings when placing Mom...her extreme anger, anxiety, and lonliness. Of her 6 children...most of her hostility was directed at me...the oldest daughter who had had the most contact with her. I cried a lot. I felt guilty a lot. I questioned our motives a lot...........and perhaps it was these feelings that eventually brought me closer to Mom than I had ever been. Some siblings simply could not accept the changes in Mom...and still cannot.

The hostile feelings your Mother is having aren't really directed at you Craftlady.......I know it's so difficult for you......but it will eventually lessen. Honest. There will come a day when you will wish there were some flicker of recognition or feeling directed towards you.

It has to be so difficult to take care of a loved one on your own. There are so many changes and challenges yet to come. It took me quite a while to get over the guilt...but, for us...placing each of these 3 loved ones in facilities where trained and caring personnel took care of them proved to be the right decisions. Prepare for a bumpy road ahead no matter where your Mom happens to be...............sending love your way....Pam

craftlady · 05-16-2008, 06:30 AM

Mom was directing her "anger" at my daughter yesterday. She finaly blew up and told her g-ma that she should be in a nursing home, she almost burnt the house with her cigerettes, she has to try to stop acting like this, she knows theres something wrong and we are only trying to help her.
I had an appt. with the memory clinic, had to cancel for now. Mom wont go see another doctor. Im going to give it a week and try again.
So far today seems like a good day, mom is joking, and defending my step-daughter.
There is another medical issue I want to bring up to the doc, mom has had a headach this whole week. I dont know if this has anything to do with the dementia or not. Maybe its because Ive been giving her meds all week and her body isnt used to it.
She did eat like a pig this week, she would eat anything we put in front of her, we didnt ask her if she wanted something we just gave it to her. I havent seen her eat like this in a long time. I hope her eating stays like this, maybe she will put some weight on.