I am new here - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

jagsmu · 05-15-2008, 11:38 AM

Hello there,

I am new here and I am searching for a forum with a friendly ear and maybe a shoulder to cry on, to post my concerns about my mom and her declining memory...My mom has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's some time ago, she is 79. She is still living at home with my 82 year old dad......I think I just need to be able to spout off. I spend 2 days a week (this is an overnighter) at my moms, I do the shopping and stuff and then cook dinners and such for the week. I do not live close, that is why it is an overnighter.... anyway I hope I have found somewhere I can find support for my feelings. like today I cried most of the morning... I just got back last night from an overnighter at my moms...my computer time is limited as I am not always able to connect, but I sure would like to be a part of this forum....

ibake&pray · 05-15-2008, 12:55 PM

Welcome Jagsmu,

I'm sorry that you had to find us under such sad circumstances. Rest assured that you are welcome here. We are a caring group who have all either gone through what you are going through or are going through it with you.

I lost my mother the first of Nov. last year to this horrid disease. I lost my daddy five weeks earlier to an abdominal anuerism, He also had vascualar dementia, so I have a good idea of what you are going through.

How is your Dad's health? Is he OK? Is his mental health ok? How far along do you think that your Mom is? Is she having alot of difficulties? Do you have family to share with?

Now an important question. Does someone have a durable POA and a medical POA? And is someone on the bank accounts? This needs to be done before both of your folks get too senile to take care of it..

Welcome to the group. You will find a knowledgeable group of people who will welcome you. We come from all circles and have seen it all. Bless you for taking care of your folks.

jagsmu · 05-15-2008, 01:13 PM

thank-you for replying...... yes all the legal stuff has been taken care of...My dad is a real trooper and is mental fine and pysically fine... there lies the problem.... If my mom was on her own she would gladly moved to a care home... but with the two of them there is no talking about seperating them... They do pretty good with the help I give. so far the only thing that affects my mom is her ability to cook large meals., and of course the short term memory loss.... soups and eggs and toast and such is her choice of cooking, I phone almost each day to check to see which meal they have choosen for dinner.... I tired meals on wheels but they didn't want to be tied down at a specific time each day to wait for the meals as they both love visiting the second hand stores,,,,,not like they need anything but they do enjoy the hunt...my siblings live farther away than I, and just don't seem to get it!!!!!!!!(whine,whine,whine) I am tired of telling them that they need to visit but they are busy with living their own lives..

It is so fusterating... they are more than happy to put the brunt of it on my shoulders...oh gosh this is sounding very self pitying....just sometimes it seems like I can not do everything that I feel is expected of me...
during my visit was the first time my mom had trouble remembering her address. I had bought her a lotto ticket and suggested that she fill the back out, she started to and then had to ask what her address was and then finally gave the ticket to my dad to fill out..... I guess it bothered me more that I realized for when I thought about it this morning I got really upset realizing that it will only get worse.....

petal*pusher · 05-15-2008, 03:09 PM

jagsmu...the love and caring you have for your parents is what led you here during your search for answers...welcome!!

Most here share in your frustration. Some have been much too long on this path that seems to have no end; some have just begun this journey...but each of us can and have benifitted by sharing stories, suggestions...and even occasional humor. Please know you will get valuable info and soft shoulders here!

I understand too well what you're saying about family and their lack of response to what should be so obvious. I'm one of 6 "kids"...my Mom is just starting her 10th year in an Alzheimer's facility...I'm her only visitor (even tho there are 3 brothers within 15 minutes of her, I drive an hour each way to see her.) It took a while for everyone to accept the Alzheimer's...now that it has gone on so long, it is fact...but in the beginning, the first to really notice and question were the sister-in-laws. There is no going back...we realize now that we lost Mom long ago.

Bless you and your Dad for taking care of your Mother...it is a long journey. Hope to see you here often.........Pam

Gabriel · 05-15-2008, 03:32 PM

Welcome to the forum Jags. This is the best place for those listening ears and caring shoulder.... and some wonderful advice. It has been my sanity in the last year.

I do know exactly what you are going through. My Dad has had vascular dementia for about 8-9 years and my Mom was his primary caregiver..... until she was diagnosed with ALZ. I do not live near them and I tell people my job is riding the roads. It is better now that Mom and Dad have moved into Assisted Living. It finally got to the point they had no choice. They needed full time care, Mom didn't want anybody in the house with them, and they could not stay alone with both suffering from their dementia.

You Dad does need help and your love for your parents shows in your need to help them. What you say about your siblings is understood. Some just don't get it or don't want to get it. If they don't show up then they don't have to accept the reality of what is going on. It is sad but it usually falls on one to do all the work. I can understand your feelings so well and it's not whining. It is your reality and it's frustrating.

Good for your Mom and Dad for taking care of all the legal matters. That can make dealing with their affairs so much easier. I also had my name put on Mom and Dad's checking account which expedites things even more.

Keep a good eye on your Dad. I was much in the same situation as you are with my parents living in their home of 54 years and refusing to leave each other. Now they just live in AL together..... which is another story.

I am truly sorry that you are having to deal with this horrible disease. You have found the right place to sound off because we all know exactly how you feel. So keep typing and know we are all in this together. I will keep you and your parents in my thoughts and prayers.

Love, deb