First of all, y'all are a Godsend. Thank you for all your words and prayers for all of us...
Now...can somebody tell me please why I am overwhelmed with a sudden and intense urge to "quit" this job? Maybe it's just a pity party. I don't know.
My husband, 12 yr old son and I live next door to daddy (duplexes). He will not "give up his stuff", so I just simply live in both houses. His mostly. It's my first move in the morning (get the boy off to school - go to daddy's), stay there through breakfast, dressing, shaving, hygiene care, laundry, bedmaking, vacuum, feed the dog, walk the dog, discuss bowels, day/date orientation board (I have purchased a white wipe off board that I use to keep him apprised of the date - works like a charm), meds, BP check, discuss bowels again, back to my house (throw in a load of laundry, take something out for supper, feed the cat, vacuum), back to daddy's where I stay till the boy comes home from school, back to my house (how was school, need a snack? chores are posted, get to homework) and baaaack to daddy's. Snack, BP check, visit, yes-I-do-have-to-leave, home to cook supper, do dishes, finish laundry (hurryhurryhurry), feed the boy, next door again, feed daddy, visit, discuss his bowels (for the zillionth time), love-you-so-much-I'll-be-right-back, back to my house.....you get the point.
In home health care? He throws a CONNIPTION at the very MENTION of anyone helping. I have finally convinced him that I have a friend he should meet that wants to come over and see him...maybe that will work; I don't know. I have an appointment today to talk to a company.
And here's the worst part. I feel such guilt over being so tired. Over wanting to lay on the sofa for a whole day and watch Maury Povich. Daddy needs me. I am all he has. And I am having a "I am SOOOOOO done" day.
Take a good deep breath..... I think you are so busy you are forgetting to breath. The routine of a full time caregiver is grueling. There is never enough time and always something more to do. You definitely need some help. There is nothing around with telling you Dad that you want him to meet somebody and then just let them start coming in with you for a while and then without you. You don't have to tell him that you are in desperate need of some couch time and he needs assistance beyond what you can handle. Nonconfrontational manipulation is definitely allowed.
Throw guilt out of your vocabulary as much as possible. The task is overwhelming and you are doing the best you can. You are not super woman but just one of us meer mortals. There are days that you will float through and days that you will be annoyed and days you just want to throw up your hands while you run away. There is nothing wrong with wanting to escape to the couch or the bahama's for that fact. You need a break! So no guilt feelings for being human :-) Get busy getting yourself some help with your Dad and the first day you can leave the two of them alone... lay on the couch for an hour or more.... and don't watch the medical channel discussion of elderly bowel issues......
You are fed up because it is an impossible situation. There are only 24 hours in each day, and yours needs 32.
I had a similar situation with my Mom plus a full time job. It drove me nuts and made me physically sick.
I had always said - including to Mom - that I would stay with her until 'the end' and never never send her to 'one of those horrible places' (as she called every type of help, from assisted living to nursing homes.) Eventually she HAD to go into a NH because of a broken hip --- and we all found out what fools we had been. Mom was way happier there than with me, or, later (after he took pity on me) with my brother for a little while.
I have always tried to present a nursing home as a good and acceptible solution since then. Many people have no idea what a good modern NH is like, and the few bad apples in the barrel have givem them all a bad reputation, for example where 'everyone is drugged and sits around like a zombie all day.'
We did not find that to be the case at all. Mom took part in many interesting activites, enjoyed tremendously the company of other people her age, after being more or less confined to her childrens' homes for safety reasons - and she was already confused enough to call the place 'a spa' or 'a recovery home' and always insisted she was going home as soon as she felt better.
We daughters seem to expect ourselves to be Superwomen and then feel frustrated when we can't do it all.
Please give a NH some serious consideration. As to expense, they do cost a fortune, but after Mom's savings were gone Medicaid paid for it and she got the best possible treatment.
Maybe you can get some other family member to give you a break? You need some time for yourself and your husband and child. You need rest and recreation!
That is not your father, that is some toddler over there in your father's body...now treat him as such. Just as you wouldn't accept that kind of behavior from a toddler, you can't accept it from your father. You are now the adult, and unfortunately, he has regressed (hence the bowels) to the toddler stage. You're bringing someone in to help is not open to discussion. He is not in charge anymore, my dear. Develop a backbone or you won't be able to lay down on the couch. In fact, it is because you have let this go on that you can't lay down.
Your father is incapable of making decisions. So kindly plug your ears and just venture forth. If you need to get an IPOD so that you can't hear his mutterings, DO SO! I don't mean to make light, but I do mean to try and get through to you that nothing you say is going to change his mind, so you need to do what is best for YOU and him and your family. You need to consider your family in this mess also. THEY deserve to see you healthy and happy also. Your son deserves to have a mother that isn't tired and grumpy and irritated at life in general., And your hubby needs his wife back also (got that one right, didn't i?) Stop and think about your family in addition to your dad and yourself. And for heavens sake, don't forget the dogs! You are the center of this merry go round and if you break down the horses are going to go flying off with no stopping and then there will be all sorts of issues.
There I have said my piece, I shall climb down off of my soap box. May I have a hand? I have back trouble, had a broken back and have lost the use of my left quad muscle so need some support please...not that you would tell by as bossy as I am...
Deb, you are doing more than any one person should be expected to do, but it comes with a cost..and that cost can add up to serious complications. Taking care of yourself is not selfish, it is just wise management of your resouces. The head has to be healthy for the rest to survive. Your dad and family need you well. So, step back and take several deep cleansing breaths-thats what you do first. My son says it's the law! Then figure out who can come in to relieve you..Cost be dam*ed...well within reason that is.
I'm cheer you on and holding you up from afar! you go girl! We're not caregivers for nothing.....
Applauds loudly and gives Ibake a helping hand down. You are absolutely right and say it so eloquently. I adore the way you stand up and speak reality in such a kind and compassionate way. Your words have jolted me back to sanity more times than one. THANK YOU!!! Hope this afternoon has been better for you Deb
Somebody buoy me up? 
Develop a backbone or you won't be able to lay down on the couch. In fact, it is because you have let this go on that you can't lay down. 
Linear Mode
