I am the one designated to make decisions on my mom's HC Proxy, and as of approximately two years ago, mom said she wanted all means taken to keep her alive. I know she was very scared and emotional about the whole thing then.
Today, hubby and I did our HCP's at the NH where mom is as there was a drive being held for people to get this important document done. I inquired about the DNR regarding mom. I feel as though it would be for the best I sign the document after much thought. I was even told that to do CPR on a person that old, 80+ years, could possibly even break ribs as it is very aggressive.
During each care plan meeting at the NH, the DNR has always been brought up and I really hadn't known what to do.
Do most of you that are your parent's HCP designee have a DNR in place?
Somehow, I feel as though I'm going against my mom's wishes, but they say I'm not, that her heart will have already stopped.
Sad to admit this, but my mom is just existing in a world that is so confusing to her and she is helpless without 24 hour care. She either says "Goodbye Mom" or "Goodbye darlin' " everytime I leave. We tell each other "I love you" each time, so I know she feels love even if she's not sure who I am at the time.
I will only find happiness in her plight when I know she's in Heaven with my Dad.
Last edited by sunnydaze1; 06-23-2008 at 07:13 PM.
You did the right thing, Sunny. We did the same for my Mom, and I also just recently gave my daughter medical POA over me, in case I am ever disabled. It is a blessing to your Mom not to be artificially kept 'alive' if that situation ever comes up. In my Mom's case, she was given morphine for pain but nothing else. She died peacefully at the age of 99. I believe she and my father are finally back together; he died in 1977, 30 years almost to the day before she did.
Their anniversary was June 20, and I thought to myself, finally they are together on this important date for them ...
Sister 3 has the medical forms for both of my parents. I know it includes a living will and I think that includes DNR but it is something I will definitely check on. I have thought about it a lot. Mom is adamate and very vocal that she would rather die than be kept alive. The medical professionals consider it suicidal but I remember them "saving" my grandmother when she had a blood infection. She spent another 2 years in a nursing home dying from ALZ. Mom's comment at the time was, saved her to what? I know this profoundly effected my Mom and even in her confusion she doesn't want to go the way of my grandmother. With my dad's vascular problems there are many procedures that he could not withstand and he has said he doesn't want to just exist, he wants to live. With both of them, as much as I would miss them, I truly believe letting nature take it's course is the best for them.
I feel for you having to see a beloved parent lose the quality of life. I'm dealing with husband of 54 years who is still home with me. He's not the man I married that's for sure.
Welcome to the board Carol. I am truly sorry that you are dealing with this horrific disease with your husband. We are all in the same boat. I have found validation, encouragement, support, information, empathym great shoulders to whine on, and even reasons to smile and laugh here. Hopefully you will find the same. Again, welcome to the board and we look forward to you joining us.
I will keep you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers.
When my DH was first diagnosed, we updated our wills and added DNR's to our medical info. It made things SO much easier for me when the end came knowing it's what he wanted. We had also talked about what his wishes were for his daily care too and he wanted to be at home with caregivers, so that's what I did. Sunny, you absolutely did the right thing. With this horrible disease, there is no real life at the end so why would anyone want to prolong the inevitable. I know the decision you made was a hard one, but it was the right one. It took strength and courage to make that decision for your Mom and you were strong enough to do that for her.
Thanks, everyone, for such encouragement in that I made the right decision. Janie you're right, why would anyone want to prolong the inevitable? I feel as though when her time is up; God will make that decision, and nature will take its course as intended.
I needed some support in what I did, and I appreciate it from each of you so much!
