Re: Please help me!
I am so sorry that you are going through this at such a young age.
PLEASE do not feel guilty because your Mom had to go to AL instead of you being the around the clock caregiver. I did that for my Mom for 5 years and I know exactly how hard it was, and I was only holding down one job (plus her!)
It is likely that your mother needs more and better care than an assisted living facility can provide, and would be better off and happier in a nursing home. See if her doctor can recommend a place. Or if the AL can.
Family visits should be held at the place where she lives, one or two visitors at a time. Taking her out to a large family gathering is too hard on her, no wonder she cried the whole time. She feels out of place in a room full of strangers all expecting something from her that she cannot give, whether it is converstion, answers to such questions as ''do you remember when ..." (she can't) and expectations of love and concern she cannot give ... I would cry too. At her new placement (I hope it is a good NH like my Mom had) she will be less unhappy because she will have everything done for her. Even deciding what to wear became an impossible task for my Mom, she could not fathom what was expected of her.
Think of it not as a deterioration but as a move to a better environment. Above all, stop kicking yourself for doing what was right for her all along.
Last edited by Martha H; 07-09-2008 at 04:36 AM.