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Old 07-28-2008, 07:18 PM   #1
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Care Facility

I am trying to plan ahead.

Mom informed me she does not want to move in with me and my spouse.

I found a place that is called Frederica Manor. It has been around since 1908, and is a front porch community.
It is on 24 acres.


My Mom is living alone for now. I visit and take her out shopping and dining and out to the movies 2X per week.
Also banking, and I keep a close eye on her accounts, but I am noticing she may be getting a little worse.

She is taking 10MG Aricept, and it is helping her a lot.

My Spouse goes over on Sunday to visit while I am at work.

She has a companion licensed by the state who takes her out on the buses on Wed and Fri, she charges 11 dollars an hour. I trust this person, and she probably is available for in home care.

I also am in the process of establishing for her her living trust.

Will I know when the time comes to move my Mom?

Should I take her to visit this facility?

For $2000.00 a month, she can live in her own studio cottage, no entrance fees, and other services like utilities housekeeping and dining plus transportation is included.
They offer a lot of activities, it is an AD facility.

Thank you for any opinions or advice.

 
Old 07-28-2008, 09:32 PM   #2
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Thumbs up Re: Care Facility

We had an angel of a caregiver and tried for a year to keep Mom and Dad at home. It did work at all!!! We now have Mom and Dad in an AD Assisted Living arrangement and it's been the best thing we have done yet. They get meals, housekeeping, and activities. We do pay extra to have their medication given to them because that was a MAJOR problem when they were at home. Dad also has a wonder bracelet that alarms if he goes close to the outside door. They also get transportation if needed and there is an excellent wellness center located in the facility. When Mom needed PT, it was just a matter of going to the 2nd floor. There is always a nurse on duty and a doctor in facility several times a week. The podiatrist will visit Dad tomorrow to check out his ingrown toe nail. Even though Mom complains (she complains about everything now) it is where they need to be and they are doing much better than they were at home.

We did take Mom and Dad to visit the facility before we made a decision. At that point Mom was actually excited. In her fog she realized that cooking, housekeeping, and the other responsibilities of home were overwhelming her. She felt "cared for" with a caregiver in the house. AL actually gave her back her independence. The staff that comes in and out of the apartment are viewed as doing a service, not watching over her. Yet, if they need help it is just seconds away.

I would take her to visit the facility and see what her response is. She might just like it

Good luck and kudos to you for planning ahead. I will keep you and your Mom in my thoughts and prayers.

Love, deb

 
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Old 07-28-2008, 10:41 PM   #3
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Re: Care Facility

Quote:
Originally Posted by DGabriel10 View Post
We had an angel of a caregiver and tried for a year to keep Mom and Dad at home. It did work at all!!! We now have Mom and Dad in an AD Assisted Living arrangement and it's been the best thing we have done yet. They get meals, housekeeping, and activities. We do pay extra to have their medication given to them because that was a MAJOR problem when they were at home. Dad also has a wonder bracelet that alarms if he goes close to the outside door. They also get transportation if needed and there is an excellent wellness center located in the facility. When Mom needed PT, it was just a matter of going to the 2nd floor. There is always a nurse on duty and a doctor in facility several times a week. The podiatrist will visit Dad tomorrow to check out his ingrown toe nail. Even though Mom complains (she complains about everything now) it is where they need to be and they are doing much better than they were at home.

We did take Mom and Dad to visit the facility before we made a decision. At that point Mom was actually excited. In her fog she realized that cooking, housekeeping, and the other responsibilities of home were overwhelming her. She felt "cared for" with a caregiver in the house. AL actually gave her back her independence. The staff that comes in and out of the apartment are viewed as doing a service, not watching over her. Yet, if they need help it is just seconds away.

I would take her to visit the facility and see what her response is. She might just like it

Good luck and kudos to you for planning ahead. I will keep you and your Mom in my thoughts and prayers.

Love, deb
Deb, Thanks so much for the reply and advice! I am trying to help my Mom,and I am pretty much "the only one"

Quick question regarding her money and estate. I am again "the one" to decide how to manage and invest for her.

For months,I have been considering going to a Financial Advisor fee only $500.00 for advice.

She owes $237000.00 on the town home worth $375000.00 plus 1 small commercial property she owns free and clear worth $250-300K conservatively.

She has some money in savings, close to 40K and is an only child to her parents, who, very recently added my name to all they own including stocks, cds, and house deed.

Her parents switched from her name to mine
because she is not in her right mind, but I have DPOA for her. They do not know I got her a trust, no one knows, none of my family believes in trusts.

This is all so confusing!! I want so much to financially do well for my Mom's future.

Those studio cottages are $2000.00 a month, and I want her to have something roomier with a garage for her car that we drive her in.

However, in later stages, she may forget the car she now loves to go for drives in. But I feel in my gut I should go and talk to the financial advisor, who also has a Mother in Law with AD.

Thanks again for any advice. Glad I am planning now, and not last minute.

 
Old 07-29-2008, 04:43 AM   #4
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Re: Care Facility

You might want to consult an Elder-lawyer. They are up to date on all the financial ups and downs of long term care. They are expensive, but save you money in the end.

It sounds to me that yur Mom would be very happy in the studio cottages. It's not so much the size of a place; in fact, a smaller home is much less confusing. It would be great if she could make some new friends there.

Good luck!

Martha

 
Old 07-29-2008, 07:28 AM   #5
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Re: Care Facility

You are doing the right thing. A studio will be more than enough as she gets worse and worse. She will need less and less space as bigger spaces only make them feel lost.

I didn't use an Elder Care lawyer, but I did use an attorney who was well versed in elder laws for our state. It is something that I felt was well worth the money, both then and after my parents passed. He was familiar with my parents estates-he had drawn up their wills and he did the POAs for me, both the durable and the medical so I was comfortable with him handling things for us all through the process as Mom and Dad declined. You need to find someone that you can trust who can lead you through the myriad of legal paths for your state so you and your Mom will be covered both now and after she passes.

And, your Mom may enjoy that car now, but she will forget the car and you'll find that the rides will become fewer and fewer...so the garage shouldn't be the make or break thing for the deal on the cottage.....

You are plsnning in advance. What a wise daughter. Take the calm when you can and be prepared. Good for you! Welcome to the board...

 
Old 07-29-2008, 07:33 AM   #6
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Re: Care Facility

I agree with Martha, the smaller the better. The less there is to confuse the better. I also think the earlier you make the move the better. If she is agreeable with the move the more cognitive ability that is there the better it will go.

Mom does have a financial advisor and I have POA with his institution. He has been phantastic and a wealth of information. Though he is definitely worth the cost in managing her financial portfolio, there are some questions he cannot answer and I am in the process of making an appointment with an elder lawyer. I believe the more information you have the better.

Mom and Dad's monthly bill for care is about $6,500 a month but that includes daily medication administration and plus care for Dad (which includes the wonder bracelet etc). Between mom's LTC and their monthly income that is taken care of without using their other monies. We are looking into property disbursement. They own three pieces of property free and clear including their home but gifting doesn't readjust the cost basis. At this point there is almost no cost basis on the property and the capital gains to sell it is going to be prohibitive. Sometimes I truly wonder why people work hard and save. Mom and Dad's monthly income is above the Medicaid limit but below the actually cost of care beyond where they are now. Everything they own will have to be used, including property that has been in the family for three generations before assistance is available. Capital gains that are now 15% (thanks to the current administration) have been as high as 30% and some politicians want it as high as 45%. It is truly a delima. So...... I would go for the financial advisor and the elder lawyer. It is a complicated puzzle.

Love, deb

 
Old 07-29-2008, 04:31 PM   #7
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Re: Care Facility

Thanks to everyone for all of your advice and to let me know I am on the right path!

My Mom's companion, who is licensed by the county,
has offered to take my Mom for a visit to this facility.

It is almost like a subdivision, there are tree lined streets and a lily pond with little houses in a row. Not sure if it would be best idea or not...any thoughts on this?


My Mom, with my help, did retain an Elder Care Attorney. I suppose I should contact her soon, so we can discuss Mom's future living arrangements. We just submitted all of Mom's account info and deeds for the trust to be set up.

I think the financial advisor would be worth going to. He charges $500.00 for 2 hours, and he does not sell any products, just advice.

Thanks again for all of the advice and tips. I am enjoying my Mom for today with a weather eye on the horizon.

 
Old 07-29-2008, 05:21 PM   #8
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Re: Care Facility

Sounds like you have everything well under control. Good for you! My Mom had had dementia for abut 3 or 4 years before I had any clue what was happening -- of course some of that was denial: ''this can't be happening, so it isn't."

Good luck!

Martha

 
Old 07-29-2008, 09:47 PM   #9
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Re: Care Facility

Quote:
Originally Posted by Martha H View Post
Sounds like you have everything well under control. Good for you! My Mom had had dementia for abut 3 or 4 years before I had any clue what was happening -- of course some of that was denial: ''this can't be happening, so it isn't."

Good luck!

Martha
Martha, I was in denial for a while as well....I think my Mom started this journey as early as 2005.

Thanks for all of the advice!!!

 
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