Hi all. Someone in my moms town reported her to social service. They called me and let me know that "Someone other than family has called about her and they would be getting ahold of her doctor". Her doctor called me a few days later and told me that they told him excactly what and how to do a 72 hr hold on her, and to do it. She needs to be evaluated for her own safety. Finaly. I really irritatets me that it came to this.
Mom is really mad at me, she thinks I put the hold on her. Everone keeps telling her that it was her doctor, and that there are alot of people who are concerned about her.
They are doing a memory and functual(SP?) test along with other medical test to see if they can find out what the cause of her "disfuction" is. I know she wont pass the memory or functual testing. She wont be released from the hospital untill Tuesday morning. I dont know where she will go. They have already told me that they dont think she will be able to go home to live by herself. I have called a few assisted living places that have memory care units and there are no beds. If a place cant be found, I dont think I will have a chose but to bring her back to my house for now. I found the alz store web site where you can buy alarms and stuff. So atleast I can get an alarm that would let me know when she is trying to go outside. Staying with me would only be temporary, I love my mother dearly, yet there is no way I could take care of her long term.
The social worker at the hospital is helping me with getting gardianship, Im not sure if thats what I want to do, yet I also dont want someone who I dont know to be her gardian, at least I know her likes and dislikes.
All this has been too much, at least for the weekend I will have alittle piece of mind knowing that she is safe and taken care of. Alittle time to think about myself.
Jan I'm so sorry your having such a rocky time .. where are those towels girls!!??
Jan, it's good that Mum is going to be assessed 1) properly and 2) rapidly. The sooner you've got something concrete behind you, the better. I know there may not be any local beds, but you never know whats around the corner. At least you've got some breathing space to recharge your batteries for a little bit!
I know here in Australia I had to REFUSE to take my MIL back home for them to place her properly. Hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but ultimately, a bed was found for her within 12 hours. Miracle? Perhaps, but I've said it time and time again, if you scream loud enough and long enough, SOMETHING will come out of it. Let's hope it does for your sake (and Mum's!!)
Hang in there .... you've got support even if it is only virtual.
Yes, Janice, in the long run this is a good thing, although it comes upon you so suddenly and in such a scary manner. Just continue trying to place her, with the help of the hospital's social services, and do what you have to do in the meanwhile. No one ever wants to admit they are helpless, so it is a big shock to your Mom too, who may have been blaming all her problems on others. ("I am fine the whole world is crazy!")
Good luck, and remember, you are in our thoughts and prayers. Expect a good outcome!
You don't have to get guardianship if you are named as a medical proxy or something similar in her 'living will' -- I hope she has one.
Janice, I am so sorry that it has had to come to this but maybe it is all for the best. It is not you forcing her out of her house, though you are getting the blame, but it is a medical decision. The 72 hour hold will get you the medical information that you need for placement. I am with Gemini. I would tell them that there is NO way you can safely bring her into your home. Keep insisting that she will not have the necessary care and they have to find placement for her. Believe me, when their feet are to the wall miracles do happen. Right now when the time is right.... take care of yourself as well. I do hope you find a good long term placement for you Mom and you can both settle down for a while. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.
She signed a "Health care directive". I was told that it might now hold up. Social Services at the hospital have started their end of the gardian papers.
Unfortunatly her finaces are such that she will need assitants with paying, so I hope that where ever she is placed will be first and only move.
She still want to go to spain to see her family again, I know that probable wont happen yet I wish there were a way. It tears at my heart to know that she may never see her sisters, brothers and the rest of the brood again.
I am sorry you and your Mom are going through this rough time.
As for going back to Spain to see her family - this probably won't happen, since dementia gets worse and worse and her capacity to deal with things like flights, airports, etc will diminish. Not only that, but if she gets there, she may not remember the people she went to see or be able to find her way around.
BUT, you do not ever have to tell her this! Any time she talks about going there, just say, that is a great idea. One of these days .. and leave it unfinished.
We all have dreams that do not get accomplished; we all learn to deal with it. Maybe one or two of her close family members can come here to see her? When my Mom was in the nursing home, towards the end of her life, she had visits from a few far off relatives, who then could not afford to come to her funeral. We all told them it was far better to see her and visit with her while she was still alive, even though the next day she could not recall their visit.
Good luck to you. I pray that all will work out for you.
Heartbreaking..all of it. I am amazed everytime I read a new story or hear from a new person on these boards how strong we all really are...(though we don't know it at the time). We feel frail going through it but go through it we do! We may limp out the other side but we do it leaning on one another. Janice you have found a good place here. I can't tell you what a help it has been for me.
My mom had a bad episode last Memorial Day that lasted a week and she had been looking forward to going back to the Midwest for a family reunion but because of her condition at the time we just told her it was postponed and we would let her know when it was on again...any time she asked, we gave her the same answer...she eventually forgot about it. We tell her sweet lies.
We do and say what is best for her.
Im going to bring up going to Spain with her doctors. IF she is able to go I would go with. This may be the last time I am able to see any of my family also. I know it probable wont happen. I guess I dont want to give up the little hope I have for now.
The next few days are going to be hard. I meet with the docs and social service some time tomarrow.
I hope they were able to figure out what has caused all of this. I know it doesnt really make a differance, it would be nice to know what kind of demetia it is. Instead of her problem being refered to as a "memory issue"
I am going to stay at her house for the next few days so I wont be posting again untill I get back home.
I will post again with what I found out when I get home.
Thank you for your support
Know you and your Mom are in my thoughts and prayers. Hopefully you will get the answers you want and something positive will come out of this situation. Change is hard now matter what form it comes in. Please do keep us posted as you can.
An MRI, CT or PET scan can identify some of the reasons for dementia, but not all, and there's more out there than just Alzheimers (it's sorta an overused umbrella term because people understand that better than Lewy Bodies or Picks Disease)
In all honesty, the REAL cause of the dementia can't REALLY be diagnosed until autopsy, and I don't think your anywhere near ready for that one! LOL
Sadly, acceptance is your answer. Don't fight the disease that's taking over Mum, but embrace the moments of clarity and 'remembering' and learn to roll with the valleys and the mountains.
My mom will not be leaving he hospital untill a locked assisted living place can be found. They told me that there is a significant cognative inablility. She can no longer make decisions for herself. In my POA it gave me gardianship once she was claimed incompetent.
They figure that her thyroid and malnutrition played a part in what has happen to her. They are not going to do any more testing to see if there is any other reason.
Im not having any luck finding somewhere for her to live. All the places that I have contacted dont have a room avalible. One place even lead me to beleave that they had one, they went to they hospital and did their assesment then came back to me and said they dont have a room. I dont know what to do, I dont want to leave her in the psych ward of the hospital but there is no where for her. I cant bring her home to my house either. She is a flight risk that may get lost.
This is tearing me up. I feel so lost.
Hang in there Craft. Hopefully the social workers at the hospital are also looking for a place for your Mom. They may have more luck than you will so don't give up hope. You need to leave your Mom where she will be safe until they can find proper placement for you. I konw this change is difficult but it is for the best. I do hope they find something soon and your Mom can be settled into her new living arrangements soon.
I'm so so sorry. This must be an excrutiating time for you....but the ball is rolling. That is a good thing. A place will be found for her....but in the meantime, come back here when you feel lost..it has become a home for me.
hand in there... I can't believe that in our great state there isn't a place for her. How far away are they looking? You're up by Duluth, right? How far away are you willing to go? Grand Rapids? Duluth? What are the paramiters you have put on the search? Are you willing to drive extra hours? This may be something that you have to increase....let me know..I'm anxious for you and I can't believe that in MInnesota there aren't beds...I know in the Cities, but that's so far away for you......
hugs hon and stay strong, keep mom where she is it's the best place for her and you know it. she is safe and being well fed and treated. take a deep breath and pray it's what we are all doing for you....
Minnesota has probably one of the finest programs for the care of the elderly - based upon what I have know about my spouses mother who needed confinement for dementia. My wife is also in a long-term care facility due to her advanced dementia.
When my wife was initially evaluated after one week in a hospital mental care facility - they indicated that she needed to be in a lock-down facility. So I waited another week until the 'meds' kicked in and then 1 1/2 weeks later she was accepted in a NH - without any lock-down.
Gradually I had the NH physician decrease/eliminate various meds that were prescribed for 'agitation' - 'discomfort' - from 11 meds in the hospital to only five in the NH.
Please note that NH's are more interested (profit-wise) in caring for Rehab patients - Medicare $$$$$ - than most any other condition - great reimbursement levels. "Skilled Nursing Care" in a NH after a 3-day hospital stay is covered at 100% for physical therapy and/or intravenous injections for a prolonged period.
If you are getting 'hyper' - relax for a while - the hospital wants her discharged so let them find her a appropriate place - acceptable to you.