Have towels will travel! And conquer! And take NO prisoners or bull****.
My bible study group and I were talking the other day, and I became aware of just how POWERFUL women are. We can move mountains.
And since we have a new shipment of purple and red towels, and we have all pulled up our big girl panties, and are standing strong with fists clenched, there is NOTHING we can't do!
Everyone - grab a new towel. I'll run over and grab a few pounds of rocks from dad's house. Who has the markers? Pass 'em out.
And let's just go get 'em. All the disinterested siblings, the doctors that don't give a damn, the insurance companies that are full of no help, and the family members that not only don't "get it", but think we are not doing the very very best we can do.
Helen Reddy said it best: "I am woman, hear me roar."
You are such an amazing daughter. I only wish I would have been blessed with a daughter as caring and special as you. You have shouldered so much burden for so long. You so deserve a star in your crown. I hope your day tomorrow is wonderful and filled with laughter and fun and good memories.
We are all holding tight to towels surrounding you to keep you safe my dear.
Thank you so much for saying this.....what I wouldnt give to hear those words from my own mother......
I really appreciate your support....
Here is something that one of these incredible people said to me many moons ago, and I filed it away: Imagine if the very worst thing in the world happened and you died. A car accident. Sudden and unexpected, but quite final. Now. What would happen to the person you are writing about?
Little deb.....I've been thinking of this today, you are so right.....my uncle would go on caring for my grandma, just the same as he is now.......made me think about all the days in between now I could just spend wallowing in this.....
Sometimes you just need to put a different perspective on things.....thank you!!!
I have to first off say you are the most beautiful bunch of "pushy broads" I've ever come across.....I wish I could invite you all over for a coffee!!!
So my day turned out lets say "so so".....
This morning was very tense again before we left on our day trip. I even gave my mom my cell phone so she could try calling my uncle from the car. But she got very upset and told me to go and just enjoy myself without her and my dad. So off we went, Nicholas, my husband and I. I was upset....that we took time off work for this day, to enjoy with them, and this whole thing has come first yet again. I knew I would go along with the day but it would be weighing on me the whole time.
I dont know whether it was "guilt" or perhaps she may have actually "listened" to me yesterday, but either way, she called on the phone, and said she changed her mind, and would meet us there.
So when they got there, she wasnt by any means happy to be there, but she went and called my uncle. Today, there was no "tone" in his voice, because my grandmother was busy screaming in the background, and I guess, rather than be angry, he must have just been overwhelmed by the sound of another voice to talk to. He wasnt angry today, and they talked. By no means was it friendly, but I guess my grandmothers condition today took over the conversation. The rest of the day she basically "forced" herself to go through.....what do I think of that? Should she not have gone? Should she just have stayed home? I'm too tired to figure it out anymore..... But right now, I believe I'm going to be booking these tickets for her to go there next month. She said she is going to use this time to see her mom, and get some closure as she will make this her last visit. My grandmother is having diarrhea constantly, her body really seems to be shutting down. I dont know ladies how close this is......but I guess my mom has to be the one to decide this.
Have any of your loved ones had this problem near the end? Is this a sign? Or could it just be old age?
On a more positive note, thank you for your prayers dearest friends, as I've had no spotting today.....and physically I am feeling well.
Ladies, my family has disappeared for a long time now....but you all have in the last day or so made me feel like part of something again. I have missed that, and I dont think you could know what it means to me...
I hope you are all doing well today....
Love, Caroline xo
Your mother tried and that is the first step. She realised that you have set new boundaries and are starting a new life and she is afraid that you are going to hold her to that and she made the effort to come along. It's a start. You have to applaund her for that. It will take time and more like two steps forward and one step back before you the new dance down, but you will get there. Just keep those blinders in place and keep moving forward. We are sooo proud of what you have done. It took alot of courage to do this and I know how hard it was. I am so proud of you, A big star for you to wear today! Or you can have a new towel if you would prefer.....
With your grandmother, it's hard to tell. She could last a month, two months, or she could pass next week. If this bout of the runs continues for a period of time unabated, I would suggest that you Mom not wait too long because dehydration will take her quicker than anything else. Then your Mom will have no closurer and you don't need to deal with that also. Don't tarry too long in booking those tickets in other words.
Now, pamper yourself and Nicholas and your hubby this weekend. Leave your mother to your dad amd enjoy being a family of three and almost, and know that you are watched over by a group of pushy broads who would protect you to the ends of the earth. What you did yesterday was nothing short of grand my dear....
Last edited by ibake&pray; 08-23-2008 at 05:55 AM.
Thank you for your encouragement.......it is good to hear an objective opinion because I never feel I handle things right.......There were some good moments yesterday...mostly coming from watching my 4 year old son cheating while playing mini-golf. But the "tone" was there throughout the day. I guess I should look at the big picture that I did get her to choose some "time" with me, whether or not it was out of guilt....but she did do it. And as soon as I saw her, I walked up and told her I was really glad she came. She also managed to speak to my uncle which although she's still unhappy with him for the things he said, I think she's relieved that she will not lose contact with whats happening with my grandma.
So last night I booked her flight, it leaves on September 7th, in 2 weeks. She was going to wait till today in case my grandmother sounds worse. I told her just book it last night in case there was a chance the seats would be all booked this morning, and if my grandmother gets really bad, then she just pays the fee to go a few days early. It is better to be safe than sorry when the flight is this close.
I hear you with the dehydration....my uncle was for a long time giving her mango juice because it's one of the few things she still enjoys...but has stopped now as it is almost like a natural laxative. So things must not be looking very good. I will say though that you just "never know" with this illness.....a bad picture has been painted several times before and she has come out of it.
But since mom is going there in 2 weeks, I hope she'll spend the time she needs with my grandma and in her mind, do it as if its her last visit, so that she says and does what she needs to with her.
I have to tell you I'm getting very attached to my new family here......it is so nice to be a part of your relationships here.....
Honey, don't second guess yourself. You did just fine. You do what you do at the time,,and you let the rest go. God tells you what is right for the moment and we let the rest fall to the way side. Your problem is that you have been carry around all of this becaue you thought it was your job to hang onto all of it for your Mom and to carry her burdens and guilt.
But you know what? Just like you empty Nicholas's poclet before you wash his pants...you've emptied your pockets of your mother's brudens and sewed them shut, and there is no more room for them any more....
Keep moving forward on that path and don't glance back-not that you can see anything because we are all standing behind you to helpshore you up should you stumble..... Have a relaxing weekend dear! take a nap
Thank you Ibake....I am trying to rest up this weekend....it is nice out and I'm trying to enjoy the nice weather.
So....grandma is really bad today....yelling alot, and throwing things. If you can believe it, on nurses recommendation, my uncle went to Toys R US today and bought her a "doll", to give her the next time she cries for "the children". Apparently this is very common?
I know one time about a year ago, when they did admit her to that mental hospital, my uncle said that all the women were walking around carrying their dolls.....is this a comfort I guess? This wasnt a nice caring place by any means....and unfortunately is his only option. No matter what at this point, my uncle is resigned that he will take care of her until her last day. So it is what it is. I just worry about her, that at some point, it will be cruel to let her go on like this without being sedated. He has sleeping pills, that help a little sometimes. But they are strong, and he doesnt like to give them to her. The doctors wont prescribe anything to really relax her, unless it is in a controlled environment, not in her home. So we just continue day to day watching her get worse.......so very sad.
You did exactly as you should Caroline. There are times when you have to let go of all the worry and chaos and just live in the moment. That is what refreshes us mentally. You also have to set boundaries for those around you and teach them how to treat you. I is difficult on both sides to change behavior patterns. You have guilt and your Mom has confusion as to what is happening but if you stick to your resolve it will get better. Be happy that your Mom came and joined you and don't worry about what her reason was. SHE WAS THERE! That is a triump for you and for her. It was good that your Mom and Uncle did speak to each other. Your Mom needs to let go of whatever was said in the heat of the moment and hopefully the phone call is the beginning. When we are stressed, tired, and at our wits end we say things we really don't mean. Then both involved need to move past that moment recognizing it for what it was. Hanging on to hurt and resentment doesn't do anybody any good.
Kudo's on ordering the tickets as well. Hopefully by that time your Mom and Uncle will smooth over their difficulties, your Mom and spend the time she needs with your Grandmother, and your Grandmother can go peacefully to a place where she can dance and sing again.
You have done all you can for now. Let the others bear their burdens and you take care of yours. You have a group that care about you behind you waving towels and cheering you on.
We tried both dolls and teddy bears for my Mom, just to give her something to hold -- but she put them down and showed no further interest.
Glad you had a nice outing to Niagara Falls. I was there in 1964! I had some distant relatives in St Catherine's, Canada. They have passed away by now. I am told the Falls are now much more commercial and touristy than way back then ....
You did a good thing for your Mom and your own family.
Thanks for your message - you're right....I should just be happy she came....that's what matters. I know every part of her wanted to just close the door and bury herself in her upset, but she pushed herself out of it, probably for me, and I completely recognize that. Maybe there is hope for us yet, huh?
Since she has spoken to my uncle "civilly", and has booked the tickets, I cant say she's looking forward to going, but has accepted it now, and is almost calmer. Sometimes indecisiveness can drive you up the walls. I think this trip will be different....she knows she's reached her limits and told me today she knows she's done......that she cant do it anymore. It's sad because she just loves her mom so much. But this is the sad part about being long distance. Mind you, as I remind her all the time, she has done more from 3000 miles away than all 3 of her sisters combined in the last year who live 5 minutes away. When the day comes, she wont have any regrets.
Martha - for sure, Niagara Falls is a complete tourist haven now, filled with huge hotels, casinos, attractions.......its buzzing all the time, all year round. I like to go there once in a while. It was always my grandmas favorite place to go when she would come here. We have many wonderful memories of her there, and I'll always think of her when I go there......
So ladies, here's the latest hurdle.........my uncle and grandma live in the country in a "rented" house, they just live month to month, no lease. Have lived there for 11 years. There are two houses on this land, theirs is one of them. The land was sold a year or so ago to new owners, and changed hands from a nice farmer to a big huge building company. Up to now, once in a while a gentleman in a suit will show up to collect the rent. But yesterday, the other neighbour showed up at my uncles house, and told him the owner told them they had plans to demolish "Both" the homes within the next 9 months!!! What does this mean now? The thing is, my uncle has always said that as soon as my grandma is no longer here, he would leave that house anyways. He couldnt afford it anyways as her pension pays the rent. But now what happens if she hangs on that long? What would it do to her to change environments in her condition? I know sometimes they dont recognize where they are...even now she wants to go to the house where she lived as a child. I dont know that they could handle a "move", there is no one to help them........when it rains it pours. I honestly dont know if my grandma will be here still then.....but you just dont know.
You also have to set boundaries for those around you and teach them how to treat you.
Deb....I've been thinking about this statement.....I think this sums up alot of my problems.....how do I do this? I think you said you've done this with your sisters? "Teaching someone how to treat you".......that is really what I need....because to be honest, I am at a lot of times not being treated well. I hope that doesnt sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself....I'm really not. I just know there's alot that I deal with that I shouldnt. And alot of times I give alot more than I get. But I've been doing this all my life. Not just since my grandmother's been ill. I hope this doesnt come out wrong, but do I need to "harden" myself to set these boundaries? I could sure use them but dont know how to go about it?