Thank you Ibake....I am trying to rest up this weekend....it is nice out and I'm trying to enjoy the nice weather.
So....grandma is really bad today....yelling alot, and throwing things. If you can believe it, on nurses recommendation, my uncle went to Toys R US today and bought her a "doll", to give her the next time she cries for "the children". Apparently this is very common?
I know one time about a year ago, when they did admit her to that mental hospital, my uncle said that all the women were walking around carrying their dolls.....is this a comfort I guess? This wasnt a nice caring place by any means....and unfortunately is his only option. No matter what at this point, my uncle is resigned that he will take care of her until her last day. So it is what it is. I just worry about her, that at some point, it will be cruel to let her go on like this without being sedated. He has sleeping pills, that help a little sometimes. But they are strong, and he doesnt like to give them to her. The doctors wont prescribe anything to really relax her, unless it is in a controlled environment, not in her home. So we just continue day to day watching her get worse.......so very sad.
You did exactly as you should Caroline. There are times when you have to let go of all the worry and chaos and just live in the moment. That is what refreshes us mentally. You also have to set boundaries for those around you and teach them how to treat you. I is difficult on both sides to change behavior patterns. You have guilt and your Mom has confusion as to what is happening but if you stick to your resolve it will get better. Be happy that your Mom came and joined you and don't worry about what her reason was. SHE WAS THERE! That is a triump for you and for her. It was good that your Mom and Uncle did speak to each other. Your Mom needs to let go of whatever was said in the heat of the moment and hopefully the phone call is the beginning. When we are stressed, tired, and at our wits end we say things we really don't mean. Then both involved need to move past that moment recognizing it for what it was. Hanging on to hurt and resentment doesn't do anybody any good.
Kudo's on ordering the tickets as well. Hopefully by that time your Mom and Uncle will smooth over their difficulties, your Mom and spend the time she needs with your Grandmother, and your Grandmother can go peacefully to a place where she can dance and sing again.
You have done all you can for now. Let the others bear their burdens and you take care of yours. You have a group that care about you behind you waving towels and cheering you on.
We tried both dolls and teddy bears for my Mom, just to give her something to hold -- but she put them down and showed no further interest.
Glad you had a nice outing to Niagara Falls. I was there in 1964! I had some distant relatives in St Catherine's, Canada. They have passed away by now. I am told the Falls are now much more commercial and touristy than way back then ....
You did a good thing for your Mom and your own family.
Deb....
Thanks for your message - you're right....I should just be happy she came....that's what matters. I know every part of her wanted to just close the door and bury herself in her upset, but she pushed herself out of it, probably for me, and I completely recognize that. Maybe there is hope for us yet, huh?
Since she has spoken to my uncle "civilly", and has booked the tickets, I cant say she's looking forward to going, but has accepted it now, and is almost calmer. Sometimes indecisiveness can drive you up the walls. I think this trip will be different....she knows she's reached her limits and told me today she knows she's done......that she cant do it anymore. It's sad because she just loves her mom so much. But this is the sad part about being long distance. Mind you, as I remind her all the time, she has done more from 3000 miles away than all 3 of her sisters combined in the last year who live 5 minutes away. When the day comes, she wont have any regrets.
Martha - for sure, Niagara Falls is a complete tourist haven now, filled with huge hotels, casinos, attractions.......its buzzing all the time, all year round. I like to go there once in a while. It was always my grandmas favorite place to go when she would come here. We have many wonderful memories of her there, and I'll always think of her when I go there......
So ladies, here's the latest hurdle.........my uncle and grandma live in the country in a "rented" house, they just live month to month, no lease. Have lived there for 11 years. There are two houses on this land, theirs is one of them. The land was sold a year or so ago to new owners, and changed hands from a nice farmer to a big huge building company. Up to now, once in a while a gentleman in a suit will show up to collect the rent. But yesterday, the other neighbour showed up at my uncles house, and told him the owner told them they had plans to demolish "Both" the homes within the next 9 months!!! What does this mean now? The thing is, my uncle has always said that as soon as my grandma is no longer here, he would leave that house anyways. He couldnt afford it anyways as her pension pays the rent. But now what happens if she hangs on that long? What would it do to her to change environments in her condition? I know sometimes they dont recognize where they are...even now she wants to go to the house where she lived as a child. I dont know that they could handle a "move", there is no one to help them........when it rains it pours. I honestly dont know if my grandma will be here still then.....but you just dont know.
You also have to set boundaries for those around you and teach them how to treat you.
Deb....I've been thinking about this statement.....I think this sums up alot of my problems.....how do I do this? I think you said you've done this with your sisters? "Teaching someone how to treat you".......that is really what I need....because to be honest, I am at a lot of times not being treated well. I hope that doesnt sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself....I'm really not. I just know there's alot that I deal with that I shouldnt. And alot of times I give alot more than I get. But I've been doing this all my life. Not just since my grandmother's been ill. I hope this doesnt come out wrong, but do I need to "harden" myself to set these boundaries? I could sure use them but dont know how to go about it?
You already know how to do it. You said it here (boundaries) and you started it the other day. When you Mom said she didn't want to go with you, you went anyway. When you ask her to call her brother she didn't at first but then she did. You didn't fold to her drama and let her ruin your day. She followed you. That was your first step.
You have to decide what is important to you. You have to speak up and say what you want, not assume others will give you what you want. Then you have to act on what you want whether they follow you or not. You have to throw the word guilt out of your vocabulary. There is no reason to feel guilty for sticking up for yourself. At first it is difficult and others may not be cooperative. But stick to your bounderies and be consistent. I call it dealing with bullies. When you stop being bullied the bullies go away or their bully ways become less important to you. By responding to the bully you give them a reason to continue.
With my sister I told her I was not interested in "fighting" with her. If she can communicate in a way that was productive I am all for it. I stopped doing verbal battle with her. I say what I have to say and that's it. Sometimes she doesn't like what I say and that's ok. I don't respond to the jabs that used to draw me into the chaos. I have had to let some things roll off my back. It is not what somebody does to you that matters... it is how you let it effect you. You can care about people without letting their chaos dominate your life. If they chose a path then it is their burden to bear. You are not responsible for saving the world.... only yourself
It's not easy but it's doable and when you are done life is so much better. I have done this with a number of people in my life. Some hung around and treat me better and some went away. I am better for both.
I can't really add much to the excellent advice you've already received. But gracious honey, don't second guess what you did. Whether or not you've managed to convey your need to not get caught up in pointless drama to your mom, you got your mom to talk to your uncle and a trip is being planned. Your family had some fun, and you don't feel like you allowed yourself to be a doormat. Sounds like a good day's work to me.
Stop worrying about the house .. that is really so out of your hands and out of your control that you just need to dismiss it. Surely your Uncle wil find something else. The chances of your grandma being alive then are low anyway. Besides, they have a slew of relatives there. I have a wicked idea - he shows up at the doorstep of one of the nearby relations who have ignored Mom, saying, here she is, the house is being torn down, Bye bye.
But as I said, it isn't going to happen during her lifetime, and even if it did, somewhere would be found for her. You just take care of your little ones, be there for your Mom under your conditions, and go on with your life.
Hello ladies......
I wish I deserved the credit you are giving me........I have to admit that while yes, I did go ahead on my day on Friday, I dont know that it was me having the courage to start acknowledging my boundaries. If I am being honest, it was more a matter of not wanting to upset my husband and son, and also, the fact that my mom would have been furious at me for not going, saying that only makes her feel guilt that she doesnt need. I do so many things in my life to keep the peace......it will be hard to change that.....but I will try. I will listen to all of your precious advice that you are generous to give me.
As far as the house goes, I know that is out of my control. I also know that if my uncle dropped my grandma at any of their homes, she wouldnt even be there one night. He's tried it before when she was no where near as ill as she is now. When he got to my aunts house, he tried to leave my grandma there and my aunt got in a tizzy, saying oh no, "she cant come here, I dont have any heat on".....and they got into an argument. My aunt was distraught over the fact that the neighbours would hear what was going on.......and if you can believe it actually went to the police and reported my uncle for harassment. My uncle explained to the policeman that my aunt had not seen her mother for months, and her mother was very ill with dementia and was crying to see her, that's why he took her there.......and this was the result. The policeman at the time, actually had experienced dementia firsthand from his MIL, so he just told my uncle not to worry about it, and chalked it up to family disagreement. One of my other aunts actually came out and said that she would "go visit her in the cemetary". So that tells you that she has no plans to see her mother again while she's alive. Why would she bother? If you dont care about someone while they're alive, why go visit their grave? This is her mother she's talking about! So frustrating. Anyways....I'd better not get into all the incidents, I am reminding myself why none of us are speaking anymore........
One day at a time I suppose Ladies....I will do my best.......it is wonderful to have such great support......
Love, Caroline xo
Caroline, you can't fix people. You can't control how they think or act. You can only control how you let it effect you. Your relatives have created this incredible situation, not you. You have to let them carry their burden or it will drag you down. Your uncle has chosen his path. It is what he must do. You can be supportive of him but you can't fix, especially from a distance when not speaking to all parties, the chaos he finds himself in. You cannot force the rest of the family to do what you think they should. Wouldn't it be nice if we could.... but we can't. You have acknowledged that you can't fix what is wrong in the house now take the next step. Worry doesn't fix tomorrow, it only takes energies away from today. You can do what you can and be concerned but worry is not productive.
Your first step is to decide what YOU want. Did you want to go on the fun trip? That is were you start, not by deciding who wants you to do what. If you wanted to go and you did, then you win.
There are many forms of manipulation. .... I am so upset that I can't go with you and I am not going to do anything to fix the situation but I am going to be upset if you don't go..... Your Mom had you trapped in a lose lose situation. If you stayed with her then you missed the day and angered your family as well as her for not going but if you went she had laid enough guilt on you to make you feel bad. My sister does that to me and it worked until I recognized it for what it was.... a lose lose situation. If you wanted to go then you win... no matter who else told you what they wanted you to do.
Judging from past history, even if your Mom said she wanted you to go, she was hoping to draw you into her drama. Her refusal to call her brother, or to drop the situation for a day and just go have fun, was dragging you both back into something she was not willing to fix at the moment. I still see her making that call to her brother as a win for you. She now has a ticket home as well. You are one step ahead... really two. Sometimes recognizing your success is harder than creating it.
If making your family happy that day was a priority for you, then going with them was not for them but for you. It's ok to want to make other's happy. The problem comes in when you are unhappy in the process. If you go to make somebody else happy and you are miserable then it's not a good choice for you. If you go because you want your family happy and you enjoy the time then you win. It all starts with recognizing your priorities and making your choices accordingly.
My sister uses such manipulation. I would love to be able to do more for my Mom and Dad then I am able to do because of the distance. She has an incredible way of making me feel excluded and guilty for what I can't do while whinning that she doesn't get enough help. Yet every time I tried to do anything chaos broke out. So I had to decide what I wanted. That was simple. I want to do all I could for my Mom and Dad without the guilt, the chaos, and the feelings of exclusion. That is what makes ME feel better. I have actually been to see my Mom and Dad without contacting my sister who lives 10 minutes away. I am doing what she wants me to do. I am doing what I want to do. When I talk to her I am honest about how I feel and what want. I am just eliminating the drama which is what I don't want and what makes me feel bad. Gradually she is returning to my life in a way that I can enjoy her as well. I am not helping with Mom and Dad to please HER. It is to please ME. So know what you want and recognize when you get it
You should have an honorary license to practice family therapy, Deb ... seriously. You have hit the nails right on the head.
I wonder what my sister would have done back in 2004 when she told me if I left, Mom would be OK. I could have gone away for a while ... but she would not have known what was happening with Mom. My brother would have been stuck with it. With her it was always a lose lose. You stay with Mom, you are not treating her correctly. You go away, you abandoned her. You say Mom has Alzheimer's, you are making it up to cover up for the fact that you are a lousy caregiver. You say nothing, you are alone with the weird behavior. I tried for a good 2 years to get some kind of moral support from my sister, even just "I know how hard it must be for you" but I got more or less "Mom is providing you with a place to live, so why are you complaining?''
Families. We are born into them, we don't choose them. Now, friends, oh, that is another thing entirely!
Love,
Martha
Last edited by Martha H; 08-24-2008 at 02:15 PM.
Reason: sp
Deb,
I completely agree with Martha.......I couldnt get better advice if I paid for it.
"I can only control how I let it affect me"......those are very wise words, and obviously coming from someone who has been there. This is exactly what I need, to learn to do this. Your story about your sister sounds so familiar Deb.....and I'm so impressed by the way you have handled it. I wish my family could have done this.....but they just all jumped in, got tired of it, and took off.....never stopping to make a plan.....to figure out how they could each help without it becoming too much of a burden. There are enough of them that things didnt have to be this way.
You're right about my day on Friday.....I did want to go, so whatever incidents happened, at the end of it, I did go, and so I will focus on that.....we did have some good moments with my son that day.
Today, my husband, son and I spent another quality afternoon together. We drove to a little lakeside town, had lunch in a little cafe, and let Nicholas play in the park. It was a lovely day. Mom and Dad also went for a drive, but they didnt want to go as far, so they didnt come with us. "Normally", I would try to convince them to come with us, but today I didnt. I just went ahead and spent the afternoon with my family and we had a nice time......
Grandma not doing well again today. Just sobbing constantly and clutching at this new doll. I believe her diarrhea has stopped, and at least she has eaten something. I think it's a good thing mom is going there two weeks from today.......the last thing she needs is regrets, and I always tell her that she has done more than her bit, so I think this visit is very important for her.
There is still some hurt there for her brother, but her goal and focus is my grandmother and what she needs to do for "herself". Its funny, she said yesterday that when she goes there she wont be thinking of my uncle, this trip is for "her" and what she needs to do for my grandma. I have to say based on your advice ladies, that she is thinking very well regarding this trip. Almost like what you've been saying to me.....
I hope everyone is having a nice weekend,
Love, Caroline xo
You gals give me too much credit. I had to put into practice what I preached tonight. Mom had a completely melt down today. It had been building for the last several days and sister 4 was aware of it but has not been to the facility since Tuesday. Sister 4 called the facility Friday afternoon and ordered a PRN Ativan after Mom called her. Mom called me yesterday to help her solve a problem.... how to get her, Dad and their stuff back home. When I didn't rise to the occassion I was accused of being in the conspiracy to steal all her stuff and she hung up on me after about an hour of conversation. So I called the facility and requested her prn ativan and called Sister 4. That is when I found out it was the third day of mom's rant. Sister 4 said she would go over this afternoon. Mom didn't make it that long. Sister 3 and 4 ended up going over this morning because Dad was fed up with that crazy lady and they were fighting.
There is a care management meeting at the facility next wednesday. I had requested it when I was there last week. I know sister 3 can not be there because she has to work (hubby lost his job). So I called sister 4 and offered to drive 6 hours round trip to be at the meeting with her. I do have questions I need answers to, I am concerned about what they decide, I would like to help sister 4, and it is what I felt I needed to do for me. I could also be there to deal with Mom and give sister 4 a break.
Sister 4 explained to me that she didn't know if my efforts would be helpful. She never got any help and didn't expect any help. Her entire life revolved around being on call for Mom and Dad and she never got to do anything. She was there on Tuesday... not again until the next Monday (I was there) to sign the papers I called her about Thursday.... she took dad to the podiatrist on Tuesday and then didn't go back until Sunday???? I ask her if she wanted help and she said yes. So I ask her why she couldn't just say yes I could use your help and leave it at that. Then she launced into this woe is me litiny of "everything I do is wrong". Then she explained to me that she has no relationship with sister 2 and only limited relationships that are strained with me and sister 3...... and WE (everybody but her) needed to do something to fix that. I reminded her that when I had the responsibility for Mom and Dad's care, and she was working, that she was complaing about what font I typed a reply in and called me to chew me out for trying to take away Mom's driving privilages. She ask me "Just because I did it then does it make it right for you to do that to me now?" The problem is.... I am not doing that!! It is her perception. She truly believe that she has a 24/7 job, caring for Mom and Dad who are in a good facility, and nobody is meeting her expectations of what she wants us to do. WOW.... What was amazing. I never got upset. I let her ramble on for a while, said what I had to say, and I ended by telling her I would be there Wednesday. Then I called Sister 2. We are trying to work it out so that she will be there as well. Imagine. Both of us sorry do nothing sisters showing up.
I truly do not know what to do about Mom's rants. Her Zolof was upped two weeks ago and the melt downs have not slowed. If anything they are more frequent. Even if we take the edge off her rants with the prn ativan as soon as the effects wear off she is right back at it. Sister 4 did mention the Namenda side effect to the doctor (and let the doctor know she was against the idea of stopping the Namenda to see if that was the cause of the problems) and that consideration is still pending. Sister 4 does NOT want to decrease or eliminate the Namenda. She is totally sold on the "miracle drug" that is keeping Mom lucid. We could have to medicate Mom to the point that she is non functioning to stop the angst she has. But is it better to keep her functioning and in constant distress? If Mom is not happy, and she is not, then NOBODY is happy, especially Dad.
So I will be on the road again. I will be at the meeting. I will do what I can. I need to be there. I will also deal with Sister 4 as needed.
Have you thought of trying another drug? When Mom started on her "geth these folkls out my house" sagas, we actually started her on Seroquil. Not my favorite drug, but it did seem to take care of Mom and her tremendous I am going to throw out all these folks.,.....which was so totally unlike my mother...
Deb, your sisters are so totally in need of help....have you considered a live in conselor? Joking aside. I do think that your mom needs to stay in the facility and not go out for awhile, and not visit any sisters home. Nor should they go past their old house. This is not good for their emotional balance. It only tears up your Mom and sends her on a trip that takes days for her to settle down from. Does no one else see this?
Dearest Deb....
I'm so sorry your sister behaves this way towards you. People think because you are not "physically" there every day, that you dont "deal" with it every day. She does seem to want to take her frustrations out on you, I am glad you dont put up with it, but I'm sure it was a long road getting there.
Honestly Deb, god bless you for dealing with this with "both" your parents.
Both you and my mom are now going on a visit that I think it sounds like you both need. I hope it works out well for both of you........
Ibake, we have tried so many different drugs on so many different doses that I have lost track. Some she has been on more than once. Mom was NEVER depressed until she realized she was having memory problems. That was about 5 years ago. She convinced her family friend doctor and us that there was nothing wrong with her except depression and that was a direct result of being Dad's caregiver. That actually made some sense for a while. She has some weepy days (mostly just complained) but not major melt downs. She was on the same medication for about 3 years. Two years ago it became obvious that there was more going on than depression. That is when she was diagnosed with moderate to sever dementia (with clinical depression), put on both Aricept and Namenda, and we hired a sitter to stay with Mom and Dad at home. It was after that point that the melt downs started. She was on at least three different medications in various dosages that year and did see a family psychologist (which was a tragic joke). The melt downs were what prompted the move to AL and it has been a downhill battle since. I have lost track of the medication changes the year she has been AL and she has been to see a geriatric psychiatrist in lieu of a psychiatric facility for evaluation and medication adjustment. We have a sitter coming in three times a week to give Mom time away from Dad. We have encouraged her to participate in facility activities which she refuses. She has a standing appointment with the facility social worker. .... and the melt down are still an every present reality. Mom is truly miserable!!
I do question Sister 4's response. She let this melt down continue from Friday afternoon when Mom first called her until Sunday morning before she did anything other than call and order a prn anxiety pill. Only after it disolved into Mom and Dad fighting (because he was fed up with the "crazy lady") did she make an appearance and then call the doctor. Sister 4 went by Tuesday 8/12 for a tearful outing with Mom. I was there 8/14 to deal with Mom's melt down and left Mom happy. Sister 4 did not go back until Monday 8/18 to sign the papers to removed Dad's wander bracelent which should have been done Thursday 8/14. She is the contact person and I couldn't sign it. Mom was upset that the facility was so slow taking the bracelet off. They did it when Sister 4 signed the papers. Sister 4 took Dad to his podiatrist appointment on Tuesday 8/19. Despite multiple calls from Mom Friday and Saturday, not only to sister 4 but to sister 3 and myself as well, it was not until Mom and Dad were fighting Sunday 8/24 that she finally showed up at the facility again. So she was there on August 12, 18, 19, 24. Then in a total mental melt down Sister 4 tells me last night that her entire life revolves around what she has to do for Mom and Dad and that she is there 3 to 4 times a week. ::adjust glasses:: I worry about both Sister 4 and Mom.
Most of her major melt downs have occured when Mom went to Sister 3's house and saw something that she recognized as belonging to her. I have said that I didn't think it was a good idea for Mom to go to Sister 3's house or any of our houses. I got back..."How can I make that happen?" Duh!!!!! Mom nor Dad drive so you just don't take them there.
At this point Mom has it ingrained in her head that she has to take Dad home. She always frames it as Dad wants or Dad needs. She will tell you flatly that she is depressed as she did years ago to cover her inabilities. When that doesn't get what she wants (to go home) she dissolves into hysterical tears that she can't live in that hell hole any longer and she would rather be dead than stay there. We are all in a conspiracy to keep her there so we can steal her stuff. The initial reasons that starts the melt down vary but the rant is the same.
Yes, I am going to ask the question about going out of the facility on Wednesday. I am going to ask about the medication. I am going to ask about the possible Namenda commention. And the first time somebody says Mom needs to "learn" anything I am going to throw a significant fit. She needs to learn how to grieve for what she has lost, she needs to relearn how to socialize, or she needs to learn to take advantage of the sitter. ARG!!! How about not taking her where her stuff is that she lost? How about going and getting her and taking her to situations where she can socialize like I did the Sock Hope when I was there? How about this "experienced sitter" that I am pay $10 an hour send her out of the room instead of sitting and chatting with Mom? How about somebody coming and getting Mom when the sitter is there and taking her to an activity she can enjoy? How about calling the doctor every time she has has a melt down and not waiting for weeks of distress before we seek medical intervention? How about somebody tell the social worker that the sitter is coming? The sitter has been coming since the April and I told the social worker she was coming when I was there on 8/14.
Oh well, I have to get ready to go tomorrow. See why I want to be at the meeting?
Hi Deb,
I think it's a good idea you go to this meeting. It must be frustrating to deal with these "sister" issues. Yours are there but are a handful to deal with. My mom's sisters are the opposite, they are "never" around, not even for 5 minutes. They will not come near the house.
I applaud you for how you deal with her......I could learn much from you Dearest Deb. You know in what little I have learned from all of this, is that distance from your loved ones who suffer from this is hard, hard to not be there, but can also be a little bit of a saviour. Those that are close may be there a bit more often, but that doesnt make them the ideal caregiver. Even though my uncle has 3 sisters that live 5 minutes away, he gets all the support from the one who is 3000 miles away (my mom). I wish your sister really knew how valuable you are to your mom and dad, how precious your help and suggestions are. She should relish your help, and input....I wish my uncle had that from his siblings. It sounds like you're really doing well with controlling how you let it affect you.....but I'm sure at the time it is frustrating.
Sometimes I think a caregiver can get to the point where they feel they are the only ones who really know what's best, at least that's how it works with my uncle. Maybe it's because he's had no one else to count on, that's where it comes from. But your sister is not alone. She has other sisters, I'm not sure about the others, but she is really lucky to have you.....and should work "with" you and not "against" you......
From what I have read Deb, I think you are doing a wonderful job helping to care for your parents in this really tough situation and balancing that with your own life......like I said....you could be a good role model for me.....
I wish you all the best for this meeting, I hope your visit goes well with Mom and Dad, and that Sister 4 behaves herself!!!
Oh boy, oh boy...I was a little late catching up on this thread...Deb, you do have your hands full!
You have made a smart move by refusing to argue. State your case and leave it at that. But at the same time fight for your parents. The thought of your mom being kept in the state of misery because one thinks Namenda is keeping her somewhat cohesive is just cruel. Remember I told you all that mom was asked to be in a study that might halt the progression of the disease, just keep it where it's at...We said no...We wouldn't ask that of her. She wouldn't ask it of us. I can't imagine her living out the rest of her life in this state of confusion, fear, angst.
I wonder...do you think your sister..(would that be number 4?) could be entering the early stages? It's how my mom began ...by being so unhappy, grumbling, contrary, defiant, and mostly combative.
I wish you the best of luck and strength as you head to your appointment this week. We send you off with the love these boards provide us.
Dear Deb,
I dont't know much, but if your mom could "learn" to accept, deal with, etc..why would she be in assisted living? I'd join you in the significant fit.
Funny you ask about Sister 4 and ALZ. That is the third time that has been mentioned to me in the last two days. Sometimes I do wonder.
Exactly Q!!!
Mom is still on her rant today. She called Sister 4 this morning and she did go to the facility for a few of hours. An hour after she left Mom was on the phone with me crying hysterically, wanting to go home, and saying she would rather be dead. After an hour she laid the phone down and I could hear her crying. Then Dad picked up the phone, ask Mom why it was off the hook, she said she didn't know, and Dad hung up the phone. I called the facility and ordered the prn Adivan. Two hours later Mom was calling Sister 2. Sister 2 missed the phone call and called me before returning Mom's call. We are both sure that Mom wanted the van to go home so Sister 2 didn't call her back. I know the doctor changed Mom's medication today but I am not sure what it was changed to. I will find out tomorrow.
Instead Sister 2 volunteered to go to the Wednesday meeting as well and to change her weekend visit to this weekend "to give Sister 4 a break". Wow, Sister 2 (who never does anything according to sister 4) and myself both there this week. What will sister 4 have to complain about
Carsam, If there is one thing I have learned in life, it is to let resentments go, let things roll off my back, and to try to find the silver lining. Sometimes we don't have a choice of what we have to do... but we do have a choice of how we go about doing it. We can do it with misery or happiness. I chose the latter. For all the chaos I will encounter this week.... I can count on my Dad's humor to make me laugh. I can count on Sister 3 to have wine in her fridge. I can count on Sister 2 to be at the other end of the phone when I need to vent. I can count on myself to get through whatever
I'm packed and will leave in the morning..... Thank you all!!!!
