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sunnydaze1 · 08-27-2008, 03:24 PM

Mom is doing fine at the NH, but she needs a "one assist" per doctor's orders at all times.

She's got the ankle alarm; and bed & chair alarms, so anytime she tries to stand, all the bells and whistles go off. She even fell again in her room the other night when she tried to get out of bed. No injury occurred, thankfully, and you know it's almost impossible to be on tap of every resident at all times.

So she spends most of her day at the nurse's station so they can keep an eye on her. Staff is wonderful to her and me, but all our visiting takes place in the hallway. I asked if I could be allowed to walk her and it was fine with the director, but I needed to be trained and made official.

I'm afraid all this sitting she's doing is just going to make her weaker when she does get up; not to mention, I still like spending some private time with my mom, even if she doesn't understand what the hey I'm talking about.

It went very well, but mom was terribly winded. I think that's the most she's walked in ages. She does have her weak moments with dizziness, and the most I will take her is to her room and back for now. Luckily, she has her gate belt on so it's something to hold onto also.

I've tried to get her interested in activities and she will have no part of it.

Just sits all day in the same spot.

Bad thing was that when I tried to leave she got mad at me because I wouldn't take her home with me; I told her she had to rest and catch her breath before we walk anymore. (Trying to think fast!)

The nurse quietly told me she'd sit down and pretend she's me so I could get out of there. I made a run for it, but mom is not dumb...I'm halfway down the hall and all her bells and whistles start going off as she starts to get up. I kept on going. Those same feelings of leaving my boys at nursery school and me wanting to go back to them came back!

Well, anyway, I'm sure she'll settle down and I'll just have to keep making excuses as to why I'm leaving...even if it's just to say, "I've got to go the bathroom, mom, I'll be back in a bit!"

Like I said before, I've become a good liar.

Gabriel · 08-27-2008, 05:12 PM

Kudo's to you Sunny for learning the techniques needed to help your Mom get the exercise she needs. Gotta love the gate belts. I have a tendency to grab hold of Dad's pants belt from time to time. It definitely helps.

I do understand that "separation anxiety" you get when you walk away and they don't want you to leave. I took Mom and Dad down to Social Hour and involved them in a conversation with several other residents before I left. Then I couldn't look back. I just walked out the door and imagined them still laughing and talking. Then I called back about 3 hours later to make sure they were ok. All was fine

I don't call them lies..... I call them twist of the truth that makes life better!

I hope your Mom continues to do well. It does sound like the staff is trying to accomodate her inabilities which is good and also accomodate your needs. Glad you found a good facility match for your Mom.

Love, deb

sunnydaze1 · 08-27-2008, 05:59 PM

Thanks Deb.

The little girl in me comes out when I see these things happening...like I have to obey my mom at all times.

Your perspective to call it a "twist of truth" is very comforting!

Staff has been great...the Dir. of Nursing is a girl I grew up with and mom knows well...in fact, many know my mom already...and I'm two doors away. What more could I ask for?

I'm blessed that I am able to recognize mom's good days and bad days and am able to handle it as need be.

Still, I want my old mom back. I'm realizing it will never be, but at least she still knows me and my family for now.

Bless you Deb for doing this X2.

Gabriel · 08-27-2008, 08:13 PM

I think at times we all want to be little girls with our Moms and Dads back. I know I do. I still find myself saying yes maam and yes sir. Dad is the one I have trouble not minding. The longest silences I give Mom is when she says she wants to go home and I can't make that happen. I have yet to know what to say back until I kick myself and put my brain in gear. But somehow we do manage... no matter how many towels it takes

You do have an ideal situation. Having staff that know you and your Mom from the past is wonderful. Being so close is a benefit. When we look hard enough, we find things to be thankful for

Love, deb

gjg · 08-28-2008, 09:17 AM

Sunny - how long has your mother been in the nursing home?

Your message is so sad. That is what scares me the most. I haven't placed my dad yet but I have taken many tours of nursing homes to see where I want to apply. When I see visitors leave they don't seem upset. I don't know how I will cope when the time comes. I have a feeling that is why a lot of people don't visit their loved ones very often, leaving them is horrible and opens old wounds. What you don't know won't hurt you.

I know I will be there for my dad as much as possible. I know I will have to learn to bend the truth just as you have. Keep your chin up and know you have done the right thing. Gloria

sunnydaze1 · 08-28-2008, 01:45 PM

Hi Gloria,

My mother has been in the NH since February. She started out in an ALF; got pneumonia and ended up in the hospital. From there she went to the rehab unit of the NH and rather than take her back to AL, a room became available in the NH section so I had her placed. She was way beyond AL by then. In fact, she had so much trouble at the ALF with finding her room, seeing where she was going, and quite a few falls.

So she's really been gone from her home since this past November...not even quite a year, but all the changes just accelerated the disease.

I do know how tough it is to leave. Most times I don't have a problem, but there are some days that are worse than others. I'm over there every other day at least, if not more. So you might say I'm used to it more than my other family members. The hardest for them is trying to think up stuff to talk about. I just tend to ramble on about things going on in my own life, or I just sit with her and we "people watch".

Best of luck to you!

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