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Old 09-03-2008, 06:58 PM   #1
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My mother is in the hospital

The last time I was here my mother was doing ok but since the weekend she fell, and has a utI and now is in the hospital.. She is confused but happy, I go to see her during the day while my kids are in school.. My family is asking what I want to do when she gets released.. I feel like a terrible daughter if I say nursing home because she is very happy at my home.. I also do not know if I could make that decision.. I know that it is alot of work trying to take care of my 2 kids and mother but I don't feel like I should give up yet..O h yeah my sister wants her to go to a nursing home before she leaves the hospital. my brothers don't really give their opinion because they come visist once every two months.. my sister also doesn't go out of her way she comes up for a few hours once every 3 to 4 weeks.. I just wanted to vent because I just don't know what to do..

 
Old 09-04-2008, 04:53 AM   #2
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Re: My mother is in the hospital

Going straight to a good, loving NH after the hospital stay is a good way to transition. If she has any fears or rejects the idea, you can always say it is just temporary until she has fully recovered.

I don't know how far along your Mom's AD is, but two kids and a Mom with dementia is too much for anyone. Since your sister agrees, this sounds like a good plan.

My Mom went right to a NH after the operation on her hip. At first it really was for Rehab -- but as it became clear that she did not cooperate enough to ever learn to walk again, she just stayed there. After a while it felt like home to her.

if you bring her to your house, you must at least get your sister and yur brother to take one day a week each as your 'break' ... whether they take her to their homes or mind her at your house.

Think it over very carefully before deciding anything.

Love,

Martha

Last edited by Martha H; 09-04-2008 at 11:50 AM.

 
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Old 09-04-2008, 10:09 AM   #3
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Re: My mother is in the hospital

A hospital stay provided the transition to a nursing home for both my dear mother in law and father in law during the past year and a half. Family and friends kid with me that this was the only way I would ever had placed either one of them in a nursing home, and they are probably right, but it was the best thing for both of them and their care.

MIL has Alzheimers, which was progressing at a more rapid rate and we knew we were going to have to think about NH placement soon, as she was already too far progressed for AL ... but then she had a massive stroke right in front of us one evening last March and lost all use of her right side, speaks very rarely, but she still recognizes us her face just lights up with her beautiful smile when she sees me, her son and our daughter.

MIL is just 77, but FIL is 90 and was able to stay in his home with our daily help/care until this past Jan. 1 (his 90th birthday) when he complained of stomach pain, I took him to the ER, and he was diagnosed with colon cancer ... he had been getting much frailer over the past year or two (couldn't get in and out of bed on his own) and after the surgery to remove the cancer, he had a permanant colostomy, so that coupled with his lack of mobility required that he at least go to a NH from the hospital for therapy.

FIL has transitioned much better than we expected, and though he is sad to be out of his home, but he is in the same facility with his wife and it is close to us so we get to see them often. They take very good care of both of them and I am very grateful for that, because if I had any question about care, I would probably be fool enough to try and bring them both home. We cared for them for more than 5 years, with the last 2 or 3 years really being the hardest as their needs increased and my daughter started school and had a busier schedule.

It's good that your sister is on board with transitioning mom to a NH ... my husband is an only child and even though sometimes it felt lonely with just the two of us handling everything, I'll take that over some of the experiences you all have shared about dealing with siblings. The social worker at the hospital should be able to help you start looking at suitable placements, so you can make some visits and get as much settled in advance as possible. If you find a good spot, I believe now is the time to take it. Going to the NH from the hospital has got to be better than going from your own home.

All the Best to You and Take Care!
Shell

 
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