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Old 09-08-2008, 04:31 PM   #1
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no contact

Hi all. I wont be having any contact with mom for a while. Shes so mean and angry at me. The AL place said that it is better for both of us if I give it some time..so thats what Im going to do. I do call there everyday and check on her, they just dont tell her its me on the phone.
Now that shes been there for a while they have realized that she is worse than origianaly thought. They havent gotten into any details with me yet. Im to emotional to take it all in.
For now Im going to concentrate on getting her "old" house packed up and cleaned out. I need to get it done before the end of Sept., I need to get back to work as soon as possable. And get it done before the snowballs start to fly.

 
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Old 09-08-2008, 04:53 PM   #2
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Re: no contact

Craft, I am sorry your Mom is having difficulties adjusting. No, she is not angry at you!! She is angry at the reality as she perceives it in her distorted mind. If they have not told you, it is not unusual for a dementia patient to appear "worse than we thought" when they move to a new living situation. They have left their familiar surroundings for a new home. Without recent memory it is new every time they look around. They don't know why they are there because they can't remember. They think they are fine and the world around them has gone crazy. She is rebelling, not at you, but at what she doesn't understand. Eventually it will become familiar and she will settle down.

In the mean time check on her by phone. Finish the job of cleaning out her house. Get back to work. Discover your life again while she settles into her new life. It will do you both good. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.

Love, deb

PS.... throw a snowball for me. We rarely have snow here and I adore it!!

 
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Old 09-08-2008, 04:58 PM   #3
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Re: no contact

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Please understand that it's the disease, and I'm sure your Mom loves you more than words can say. My Mom acted that way for quite awhile, and then she settled down...even apologized to me. It was a very tearful moment...but it didn't last long. She still says things to me that I know if she was in her "right mind" she would never; ever; say to her only daughter. In fact, it would break her heart as she told me that day she apologized. Of course, I reaffirmed my love for her and that nothing in the world would ever change that. We have good days and bad days...I just go along with it and am past trying to get my "old mom" back. The connections just don't connect the way they should in her brain. Plus..they hurt the ones they love the most. So you and I have that in common!

Cleaning Mom's out house was therapy for me. Only I could do it. Best of luck to you and know that you are not alone. We are all sisters and brothers here to support you.

Last edited by sunnydaze1; 09-08-2008 at 07:51 PM.

 
Old 09-08-2008, 07:49 PM   #4
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Re: no contact

Deb...give me a couple months and I'll throw plenty of snowballs to you as well!! LOL!!

Last edited by sunnydaze1; 09-08-2008 at 07:50 PM.

 
Old 09-08-2008, 11:24 PM   #5
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Re: no contact

Craft, I don't know how you are feeling at this moment because I've never had this experience with Mom. Well, not yet. This makes your journey to Planet Alzheimers so much harder. Not that its ever easy but to not be able to see your Mom without the anger must just break your heart. I pray that my Mom does not go down this path but if she does I'm sure I'll be here typing away. I wish I could help you. Remember your words in one of your earlier posts.............No Guilt...Relax.
Tonight was bad for me because Mom callled and she did not know where she was. She wanted to know when she was going home??? Did the "girls" know where she was?? We love that........"girls thing" we are all in our 50's. But we are Moms girls. She was not making any sense at all. I called the staff and I'm taking her tomorrow to check for a UTI. I've been there alot lately. She seems to be going through another change very fast down hill. Said she had been gone all day with someone. {NOT} Its really getting to me lately. Losing Mom. I go through spells. Some days I cannot bear the thought of her getting worse. She will,I know. Other days, my brain knows whats coming and I try to ignore my heart. Sorry, I'm rambling. She was just so lost tonight and afraid. I could hear it in her voice.
God how I hate this monster taking our Moms from us.
Thinking of you and hoping things will turn around for you soon.
Chris

 
Old 09-09-2008, 12:12 AM   #6
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Re: no contact

I remember a lovely lady, stricken with this disease, who spent day in, day out, laying in her bed. Her hands constricted, she had braces, she would call out for "Daddy" when in pain. She and I sang Xmas carols one year (when she could still sit out of bed), she loved to sing "Jesus loves me, yes I know ...." over and over again.

One day, I found her daughter sitting next to her. Tenderly brushing her hair. Putting make-up on her Mum, crooning gently, and as I stood in the doorway watching this loving scene she said:

" Now I can have all the time in the world with Mum"

So, yes, it's hard now, but a time will come when Mum will love you tending to her, and spending *special time* with her. Sometimes *worse* for them isn't *worse* for us. Y'know?

Cheers
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... your loved one hasn't forgotten you ... the DISEASE doesn't remember you

Last edited by gemini1961; 09-09-2008 at 12:13 AM.

 
Old 09-09-2008, 08:02 AM   #7
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Re: no contact

Wise words Gemini and words I needed to hear this morning. It looks like Craft, Chris, and I are in the same boat. I can truly empathize with both of you. Mom woke me up early this morning when she called in tears. It was the most confused conversation we have had yet. She wanted to go home. She didn't know if she wanted to go live there or go for a day. No idea what she wanted to do there. No memory of having been on other visits. Angst with my other sisters for something that she didn't know. Just tears. I will be headed that way again next weekend. I look forward to the day when the tears leave her eyes. Not for myself but for her.

I hope everybody has a better day today...... Thank you Gemini for your wise words.....

Love, deb

 
Old 09-09-2008, 08:18 AM   #8
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Re: no contact

Thanks, I will keep all that was said in mind.

As soon as the snow flies we will have a snowball fight.

Now Im off to pack and clean.

Take Care everyone, and know that my thoughts and prayers are with you to.

 
Old 09-09-2008, 12:38 PM   #9
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Re: no contact

Oh, Craftlady, I am so sorry. I know it must break your heart. When daddy gets all cranky with me, it hurts ME, but I cannot imagine....

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. For real. If God can bring you TO it, He can bring you THROUGH it....

...little deb

 
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