It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 09-15-2008, 06:07 AM   #1
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Union Beach, NJ, USA
Posts: 29
joseph13 HB User
Dad during the morning/afternoon VS Dad during the evening/night in the NH

First of all; I took everybody's advice and took a night off from seeing my Dad; Friday night. My Dad has been in the NH since September 8th. During the week; I have not been getting there until about 6PM; after work. When I am visiting my Dad at this time; he is VERY confused. You can't even talk to him. He just asks strange questions. He refuses to eat his supper. He also won't listen to me or the nurses and just yells and tries to get up out of his chair.
On Saturday; I got there at 11AM; what a different person he is. He ate all his lunch. I can talk to him and he will answer me. He was kinda like his old self. It made me so happy. I sat with him about 3 hours or so; then I went home to cut the grass; ate my dinner; took a shower and went back to see him. I got there around 5 or so; and he was confused again. It was amazing how different of a person he is. Same thing for Sunday. I know it is "Sundowners"; but it is so extreme. He is happy and joking with me during the day and when I go back; he is very confused and yells at me.

Anybody else experiencing this? It seems like he is in two different stages of the Dementia stage. 6 during the day; 7 at night. During the week I work 8:30AM till 5PM and cant get to see him until about 6. How long does this stage last? I have done some reading on-line about sundowners. It's really amazing how much a different he is.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 09-15-2008, 09:21 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
DrewsG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Illinois usa
Posts: 690
DrewsG HB UserDrewsG HB UserDrewsG HB UserDrewsG HB User
Re: Dad during the morning/afternoon VS Dad during the evening/night in the NH

joseph, As far as how long "sundowners" lasts, its always there. Some nights are worse than others. If Mom is in the hospital its horrible. She won't sleep at all and her confussion worsens as the long night goes on. If we give her meds for sleep she is very confused the next day. If Mom has a UTI, as she does now, sundowners is worse. The heartbreaking part for me is that my Mom knows something is terribly wrong. I reassure her that she is fine. Just a little ill right now and everything will be better in the morning. I let her know she is safe.
Last night she was able to call me, how I don't know, she didn't know where she was at. "What is this place I'm in? You just come and get me and I'll be fine". My Grandma passed away at 97. After a few years it seemed everyday, all day she had sundowners. Thats the later stages. So of course its not sundowners at all. Just the progression of the disease.
I try not to be with Mom in the evening. When she is having a bad night I call the staff and they try to calm her and put her to bed by 8. Its really all I can do. Mom is in AL facility. She likes it very much. She has her own apartment. I pray she doesn't get worse and we have to move her. It sounds terrible but I pray her heart will give out before that happens.
I'm sorry things are so rough for you now. You do have your hands full. Take care of yourself. This horrible disease will progress no matter what you do. Try to enjoy the good moments with your Dad. I can still enjoy time with Mom. Good Luck to you.
Come back often. These caregivers are the BEST.
Chris

Last edited by DrewsG; 09-15-2008 at 10:02 AM.

 
Old 09-15-2008, 11:42 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: charlotte, nc, usa
Posts: 7,156
Gabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB User
Re: Dad during the morning/afternoon VS Dad during the evening/night in the NH

What you describe is typical Joseph. My Dad is almost normal during the day but at night he too has the strange questions, paranoia, and anxiety. Some night are worse than others. His has been going on for years. Mom has a tendency to sundown at sunup. That is her difficult time of the day. Sometimes it ebates during the day and sometime she just continues on the downward spiral. Each has their own rhythm. There are medications that can help. Dad gets his anti anxiety meds at 4:30 PM. It seems to take the edge off his sundowning. Mom gets hers later at night so she will sleep later and has a prn (as needed) anti anxiety med for the morning. It is not enough to zonk them out. They still ask the strange questions but without the extreme paranoia and anxiety. You might want to check with his physician for something to calm him down at night.

Sundowning doesn't really go away. The episodes just come more frequently and last longer until they are in another stage. At some point many do calm down but it is after they forget and unlearn even more. It never seems to be "better". It will become different.

I am so proud of you for taking a night off Now.... do it again! I do talk to my Mom almost daily on the phone (she can answer but rarely can figure out how to dial so I call her) but I only visit every couple of weeks because of the distance. I do have sisters that visit several times a week but nobody goes every day. The facility is good about telling us when Mom and Dad need something and we are always there for appointment. That way we can all get on with our lives, they are well cared for, and we still keep close contact with them. I do hope you enjoyed your night off and plan to do it again soon.....

Love, deb

 
Old 09-22-2008, 09:49 AM   #4
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Union Beach, NJ, USA
Posts: 29
joseph13 HB User
Re: Dad during the morning/afternoon VS Dad during the evening/night in the NH

My Dad was good most of last week; until Friday night; Saturday, and again on Sunday afternoon. He asks me the strangest questions and gets VERY agigtated when I can't answer his his qestions properly. For example: He spends a lot of his time in the "Day Room" in the NH with other residents to interact with. They have a big screen tv, reading materials and games. The flooring in the room is a chipped up hardwood floor. My dad pointed to the chip mark on the floor and asked me to open up the floor. I tried to explain to him that it was only marks on the floor; but he refused to listen. He got very agitiated and got very upset. I had to get an aide to calm him down. Part of the problem is that I am his son; I am use to listening to him and doing what he says. Now the roles are reverse and he won't listen to me. He also is now starting to ask about coming home and that they won't let him stay there anymore. This is making my trips to visit very hard on me.

 
Old 09-22-2008, 11:07 AM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: charlotte, nc, usa
Posts: 7,156
Gabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB User
Re: Dad during the morning/afternoon VS Dad during the evening/night in the NH

The floor issues is not unusual Joseph. Rather than explaining your reality try making up some reason you can't open the door. He knows what he sees and you have to go into his world to help him. The opening is as real to him ans there being no opening is real to you. Explain to him the floor is locked so nobody will fall in accidentally or that they sealed it up for security purposes. You are validating what he sees which lessons his confusion but giving him a reason why you can't accomplish what he wants you to do that fits into his reality. Trying to explain to him that what he sees is not real is confusing and upsetting. On Planet Alzheimer things are not as they appear to us. They are as they appear to the occupants of Planet Alzheimer. They can not come back into our world but we can go into theirs. It might take creative thinking, little twist of the truth that fit into their reality, or distraction to a totally different subject but the first rule of Planet Alzheimer is DON"T ARGUE!! Just create an excuse that fits into their reality. It is not that he is not listening to you.... he hears you and why he got upset.... it is that his mind won't let him see things the way you do.

I think the role reversal is one of the most difficult things to deal with. It is a process that all of us have to go through. I tend to separate the disease from the parent. There are times I have to deal with the disease, like when my Mom is in the midst of on of her psychotic episodes or when Dad is angry. I put on my professional white coat, see the disease behind their eyes, and know I am dealing with what we here call the imposter. It looks like Mom or Dad but it is really the disease at work. Then at other times when things are going well I can enjoy my parents. I do remember that they are not of this world now, but live on Planet Alzheimer, and try to tailor my conversation around their reality not mine. If Mom wants to tell me a story for the fifteenth time I smile and enjoy it again. If Dad wants to ask me for the tenth time if his brother (who died 30 years ago) has had breakfast, I keep telling him yes. I tend to make suggestions instead of demands of them and ease into what I need for them to do. Sudden changes are confusing. Then there are times it just makes me sad but I never let them see that. If I am upbeat and happy they tend to follow my lead. It's hard... more difficult at first but it does get easier as time go on and you figure out how to handle the situation better. You are his son and always will be but right now he needs you because he can't take care of himself. He has done his job of taking care of you, evidently very well, and now it's your turn.

As for going home..... again with the creative excuses. Remember that they don't remember for long so creative excuses sometimes work well. The doctor has not signed the release papers. They have decided he can stay another week. There is work being done on the house and when that is done. It is better to satify him than to try to bring him back into your reality because he can't make it here.....

And then there are those days.... like my Sunday.... when nothing helps. Just remember what a crazy confused world they live in. Imagine your world turned upside down where all the things you know are no longer. That's your Dad's frustation so be patient with him. If your Dad doesn't have a PRN anxiety medication for those times you might want to ask his physician to prescribe one. It can take the edge off the aggitation and help your Dad through the rough times.

Hope your next visit goes well

Love, deb

 
Old 09-23-2008, 07:58 PM   #6
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Il
Posts: 61
Rhoda55 HB User
Re: Dad during the morning/afternoon VS Dad during the evening/night in the NH

Hi! I am going through the same thing with my mother. She is 87 and has end stage parkinsons disease with dementia and has had some tia strokes,too. I was going to see her at 4:00 in the afternoon and staying to feed her dinner at 5:00. When I finished feeding her dinner by 5:30, she wanted to go to bed as soon as she was done, and would get angry with me when I told her they wanted her to wait until 7:00 go to bed. She would say things to me that she would not normally say, some things were pretty hurtful, but I realize it is because of the dementia. I now go to see her at about 11:00 in the morning and feed her lunch. This way we can visit for awhile, and after I leave about 1:00 or so, she can lay down and take her afternoon nap before dinner. She is much better at that time, very noticeable. I am lucky in the fact that the facility that she is in is only 5 minutes from my home, so I can go over there every day . There definately is a big difference in these people between morning, afternoon, and evening.

 
Old 09-29-2008, 08:42 AM   #7
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Union Beach, NJ, USA
Posts: 29
joseph13 HB User
Re: Dad during the morning/afternoon VS Dad during the evening/night in the NH

My work schedule is the problem. I work 8:30 - 5; Monday through Friday. I get to the NH by 6PM; just as dinner is being served. I got to visit on Saturday and Sunday during the day; WOW how much better he is.

 
Old 09-29-2008, 10:01 AM   #8
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: charlotte, nc, usa
Posts: 7,156
Gabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB UserGabriel HB User
Re: Dad during the morning/afternoon VS Dad during the evening/night in the NH

Welcome to Sundowning. I try to call Mom in the morning. She is definitely better earlier in the day..... unless she has had one of her stay up all night fretting about something. With her new evening meds these times are becoming more infrequent. Joseph, I do hope you are not going EVERY afternoon. Don't forget you have responsibilities to your wife and your home as well. Mom and Dad actually seem to do better when they have visitors every other day rather than every day. It has helped them integrate into the facility. Sometimes less is more

Love, deb

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Mass Found During Colonoscopy Yeatman Cancer: Colon 20 06-01-2009 08:52 AM
does bp fluctuates in morning, afternoon and evening miniminikp High & Low Blood Pressure 2 01-28-2009 06:24 AM
Mid-Morning Fatigue every day!!! staceymck Chronic Fatigue 6 11-16-2008 11:21 AM
Blood pressure flutuations during specific times lamal3 High & Low Blood Pressure 14 11-03-2008 08:41 PM
If percocet is taken during day, is it safe to take the norco at night sammyo1 Pain Management 12 12-14-2007 05:14 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added




Top 10 Drugs Discussed on this Board.
(Go to DrugTalk.com for complete list)
Aricept
Aspirin
Ativan
Morphine
Namenda
  Reminyl
Risperdal Seroquel
Xanax
Zoloft




TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Gabriel (762), ninamarc (157), Martha H (124), meg1230 (93), angel_bear (68), jagsmu (55), Beginning (51), TC08 (44), ibake&pray (43), debbie g (37)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1013), Apollo123 (909), Titchou (856), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (763), ladybud (755), midwest1 (670), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:53 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!