A Newbie! - Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

Ry953 · 09-29-2008, 07:24 PM

Hi! I have been reading your posts for a few weeks now. My stepmother has dementia - and I believe it's in the advanced stages. She has gone downhill rather quickly. We have noticed things for about a year now - but she has many psych problems and contributed it to mostly that. At that time we wanted to move her into an assisted living home but she wouldn't move. My father has been deceased many years. She started falling and confusing her meds. We talked her into moving into the assisted living home and we hoped it would be for the better. Not so. She started declining to the point that 2 weeks ago she was admitted to the hospital because of confusion and refusing to eat or drink because God told her not to. We noticed before this that she needed extra care and we had home aides come in at night. She was walking at that time with the aid of a walker. When she went into the hospital, she declined even more. She was combative and hallucinating. She quit walking and going to the bathroom on her own. She was moved to a nursing home for rehabilitation. She has only gotten worse although is receiving excellent care. She knows us but cannot carry on a conversation. She can feed herself but cannot care for herself in any other manner. We go often to be with her - and it's heartbreaking. I'm thinking this is the beginning of the end? Sorry this was so long - but you all seem like such caring and wise people. Thanks for listening...

skimps46 · 09-29-2008, 07:56 PM

Let me be the first (of many - you just watch!) to welcome you to our little piece of Heaven...a place where you can go to vent, get advice, compare notes and relax. Welcome to the boards, Ry!

We are all here because we live the life of a caregiver in one way or another. Some of us have our loved ones in a care home, rehab, AL, NH. Some of us care for our loved ones at home.

No matter where they are, we love them, and are watching this damned disease take them from us, little by little. Some of us are lucky enough to have folks that are still ambulatory. Some of us are lucky enough to have folks that can still feed themselves. All of us are lucky enough to be surviving the job title of "caregiver".

Never worry that your post is too long. Some of mine are volumes, seriously. Read the boards, get to know us, and write often so we will get to know you. We offer towels (for wringing, crying and screaming into and for mopping up messes <or in my dad's case, when he pees on the floor

>, snowballs and rocks for throwing, depending upon how much damage you need to do, and excellent advice on which white wine is the tastiest (I agree that Toasted Head Chardonnay is exquisite!).

But most of all, we will offer you a place to just "be". We have some wise, wise people here, Ry. They will help you when no one else can.

Welcome! We're all glad you're here. Pull up a chair and sit a spell. Hope to see you soon!

...lil' deb

snoopy220 · 09-29-2008, 08:29 PM

Good evening.

It is indeed a challenge to watch my Mother at soon to be 85 who raised my brother and I as a single parent and was a school bus captain, served on a county planning commission, township secretary, played bridge, worked at so many joibs typing 100 words a minute in many lawyers offices.
To date, she is in diapers, uses a wheelchair, and most of her high school buddies whom she lunched with now ignore her, claiming they are "busy".
My brother and I take her out once a week for dinner which she immensely enjoys.
We all need to do what we can to care for our parents who are incapable of caring for themselves.
As my mother's mother was in a nursing home, I am doing all I can to avoid that outcome. I would prefer her to stay here with me until she is called home to heaven.

BlueAtlas · 09-29-2008, 09:13 PM

Hi Ry, and welcome to the board!

I'm pretty new here, too, and have already been so blessed by many words of wisdom and encouragement. It's so good to know that there are people here who care and who REALLY understand.

I'm two weeks away from my mother in law coming to live with us. I've got a big stack of towels ready which were generously donated by my new friends here, and my rocks are appropriately stashed within easy reach no matter where I am in the house. Am I ready? Not even close, but I'm a lot further along than before I came here. I'm not sure it's really possible to be "ready," but I'm a planner, so I'll do my best to have my ducks in a row before she gets here.

I hope you'll find this board to be the haven of help it's been for so many others.

Emily

Gabriel · 09-29-2008, 10:29 PM

I also want to welcome you Ry. I wondered onto this board over a year ago. That night was was pulling out what little hair I have and frustrated beyond reason. The great people here grounded me, gave me advice that helped, and listened to my whine. Little deb is right.... this is a place you can just be. We are all at some point in our caregiver journey thought this disease and know exactly what it is all about.

We figured out that the psych problems (depression and psychotic episodes) that Mom was experiencing were a result of her dementia. By the time we were clued in she was moderate/sever. So far she is ambulatory, continent, and takes care of her own care needs. My Dad has had vascular dementia for about 8 years and she has caught up with him. At least he's a happy confused

All the moves may contribute to her confusion. It is difficult for our loved ones with dementia to adjust to new surroundings. Take them out of the familiar and they are lost. I noticed a marked decrease in Mom's abilities when she moved to AL and a worsening of her psych problem. Dad on the other hand is just happy. Each is different. You might want to do a web search on hospital psychosis and also sundowning. Both can contribute to the symptoms you are seeing.

...... and believe me, your post was not long. I am the queen of being wordy!! So drag up a chair, grab a few towels and a rock or two, and stay a while. Little deb has the wine

My grandmother was in a nursing home for over a year Snoopy. Along with many other relative on my Mom's side. Dementia is rampant in her family. Mom tried to extract a promise not to send her and Dad to a nursing home from us girls. With none of us living close to her, her resentment of in home help, and her refusing to come live with us she finally chose to move to AL. She changed her mind later but they are there, it is the best place for both of them, so that is where they will be.

You also hit on a point that bothers me. Most of Mom and Dad's friends deserted them. Mom and Dad were always helping somebody, visiting those in the facilities, or stopping by the hospital or home of those that were sick. Mom worked with Guardian Ad Lidum, social services, and red cross. Dad was a Lion and city councilman. They were both church elders, decons, and Mom was even on the national missions board. When Dad was diagnosed most of his friends, except for a couple, disappeared. Mom still had her friends but after her diagnosis they all disappeared but one. They have been in AL for a year and only had three visitors other than family. Mom cries to go home to see her two friends. The one that still came to visit and a past teacher of hers that is house bound. Even now she wants to visit those that she thinks are worse than her. I just wish those friends that they have been so good to for so long would at least come to see them occassionally...... !!!ARG!!!!

I'm glad you found us first Emily. I was a couple of years into my journey before I found these wonderful people. I did try to keep Mom and Dad at home to the point of insanity. Some wise person here told me that it is time to move them when the caregiver is ready. I truly believe that. They just convinced me I was ready

Keep typing Emily and I hope it goes well when your Mom arrives.

Love, deb